RESURFACE

“Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer.”Leonardo Da Vinci.


Time does fly fast. When i decided to take a break from this place, i had no idea i would stay away this long.
I tried a number of times to write but, everything i wrote had a bad taste to it.Today i resurface.
I missed this spot, so did lots of guys judging by the emails and nudges i got from people to post.

So what have i been up to? lots of stuff which shall be covered in my other post. But for today, let me sum up the updates into five key areas of my life.

HEALTH.
Because of the nature of condition i am living with, this should take center stage right? I score the least in this area. I have totally been mean to myself. I haven't gone to clinic for check ups since my last in January. I have no reason valid enough to hold water so i will not give one.
No reports on my new CD4 or anything. I have people on my back about this since i confessed it last month. I gave my word that i will see a doctor before my birthday in November. Lets see how that goes.

WORK
New job, totally new environment. I am in love with my job. From the look of things, i am going to have lots of fun with it. I still work in an HIV&AIDS program but this time my focus is on workplace. I leave jeans and t-shirts and don suits and heels. no more advocacy workshops, i am mostly found in boardrooms and cocktail meetings now oh and the travel! I meet new people every week.Totally cool.
I was scared at first of the change this will bring to my life, but looks like i am handling this well seeing as my buddies still like me.

FAMILY.
We got an additional family member into my house. I adopted a 21year old girl who was kicked out of her home because of her status. That makes 3, the number of adult girls in my house. Total fun, i don't cook and i don't clean.
I am an aunt! My sis got us a baby girl so cute i want another one of my own.
My son is fine and a small man now. I got brave and took him to Boarding school where his teachers call to him as 'mama's boy'. I think i should cut down the number of phone calls i make to the school to check how well he is doing. He seems to have taken up to the school so well which is quite a relief.

FRIENDS
I haven't lost any friends due to stigma, that hasn't happened in a while. I have lost four to death so far. This year, i have made the most number of friends. This is the area of my life that scores the highest. i am truly favored, i have people who i genuinely care about and who genuinely care about me too.
My three friends from campus and i recently celebrated 10years of our friendship. I can't believe how fast time flies. We are doing everything to ensure we meet at least once a month to catch up. Some friendships are worth working on.

BOYS
Nothing much to write home about. 'I have been busy' is the true reason though this looks like an overused excuse. Well, i will attribute my lack of boy reports to two things.
First i have been too sober most of this year to get laid. Once sober i will think through and notice lots of things about a guy until i find something that puts me off. I have been drinking lots of juice, coffee, lattes and Alvaro and hanging out in areas that don't honestly guarantee i shall pic a guy for the road.
Second, my shrink(yes i finally got one) openly disclosed her disapproval at my 'friends with benefits' idea of relationships with men.
She reckons, that the reason i would be doing that is because i have an esteem problem that i should sort out.
So i took sometime off to find out why sexual relations without any form of attachment appeal to me so much.
This goes hand in hand with the male drama i seem to be attracting into my life.
So now, no more drunken nights with guys who i don't give a rats ass about. let's see how that goes.

I have been going through a period i am yet to define. My shrink calls it'Emotional fatigue'. Apparently my listening to so many people open up about their lives problems and issues did take a toll in my own especially seeing as i wasn't getting help for it.

So i became withdrawn and moody, and fed up of being HIV positive. I now understand why people would want to go on a drug holiday. Living with this virus can be exhausting sometime.
The break idea was the best. I come back to this life knowing their is no where i am going to run to, HIV is here to stay and the people who have it and need my help will not end. I will remember this lesson most.
I need care just as much as anyone else living with this condition does.