"Live each season as it passes, breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." Henry David Thoreau
This was one hell of a year! I am proud to report that all of the key things had planned to do are off my check list. Totally proud of me.
I didn’t think it would happen but it all did go down well.
Most importantly I have learned a number of life lessons this year. Let me share some of them.
Treatment Fatigue.
I have learned that no matter how good you are at keeping rules and regulations handed down by the doctor, that sometimes after one has lived with this virus for a while, made visits to the clinic, taken their Septrin, used a condom every time they have sex and all the other long list of Do’s and don’ts that we get handed down by the doctors. One can get tired of it all.
Yeah, I got tired of being HIV positive this year. I missed my clinic for most of the year and no matter how much the social worker at the hospital called me to go in for a meeting, I just didn’t.
Well, after a well deserved break; I am back to clinic, with a doctor I like. Took my CD4 test before my birthday as promised and the results? 753. My doc thinks I need to be tested again to check if I have the virus he he he.
God’s Angels.
Forget the drawings of white people in white robes and wings you saw in your Sunday school. Angels aren’t somewhere flying around in heaven singing “Haleluya”.
Angels are right here, in everyday life. Every year my sis Debs and i make a point of counting how many Angels God sends us.
This year I have so many the list is crazy. From people who I met a week prior to my resignation from my old job and who lined up jobs for me to do enabling me to make through to my next job, from friends who made calls when I was going through a certain breakup in February; to friends who offered physical, emotional and sometimes financial help when I needed it, to a special friend who showed me in every practical way that I don’t have to hang out in a bar with a guy to have fun.
This year, these angels have touched my life in so many ways and in a big way, changed it. I am a different person. And I am falling in love with this new me.
Any woman can be any woman’s friend.
I know this sounds cheesy but it’s true. Well at the beginning of this year, I was in the middle of counseling some girl who was getting a lot of stress from some man in her life. The moment she mentions his name and where he works I find out it’s the guy I was seeing.
I went into complete shock. This was worse than Shiko of Easy Fm, busting her own boyfriend sometime last year. Well, I didn’t know what to say, she was stressed to tears. I couldn’t add to her stress. I recovered from the shock to hear the part of her story where she paid the guy lots of money to be in the relationship.
On a serious note that hit hard. I couldn’t believe that a man I liked, who took care of me so well had to get paid for ‘it’.
Well, you can call me whatever you want, strong, insane, weird….. whatever you like but I decided to help this woman get her self esteem. I mean why the hell would she pay up for love or sex or whatever? As we speak, we are best of friends. We talk everyday, I count her as one of the angels I met this year.
I wonder what would have happened if I had gone wild and started a fight. Hmmm i wonder!!
Faith can move mountains.
At the beginning of this year, top on my checklist was the fact that I needed to get out of my old job. It wasn’t giving me any of the growth I wanted anymore. I wanted something new, something better.
Most of my friends kept telling me to look for another job before I quit. I for a moment there I believed that was the best thing to do. Well things back at work moved from bad to worse and one morning I woke up, went to the office, cleared my desk and came home. I took a step of faith, I didn’t know where I was going to or what I was going to do but I left anyway.
Looking back, this is the best decision I made this year. A day later I was off to Mombasa for my first assignment as a consultant, 4 months later I got my new job. You can be whatever you want to be, you just have to have faith and take the step.
Martin Luther King Jnr once said, “You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Trust me, you will get there.
Gratitude gets you more.
You will not get anywhere complaining or being stressed about something or everything. If for every 10 minutes you take a whole minute to be grateful for just one thing that you have or has happened then your attitude about life would change. You would be more cheerful and fun to be around, then people would want to be around you and before you know it, everything will be going well for you. Be grateful for life; be grateful for family and friends around you , be grateful for the food you eat, for your job, for even the smallest thing like getting to work on time because believe me, somewhere not far from you, someone doesn’t have what you have. That is what makes life worth living.
This is the best lesson to take into 2010.
To my friends and relatives new and old who have been with me through out the year; Thank you so much! To those of you that I haven’t met but keep writing me emails because this blog has an impact on you, Thank you too. You are the reason I keep writing. To those who read, learn something and try to be better people or educate someone, thank you as well, because then the chain of ‘good’ keeps getting longer.
Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones. Happy 2010 full of blessings and beauty!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
SEXUAL HEALTH ETIQUETTE
"If you do not have it in you to deal with the consequences of SEX then please ABSTAIN"
Joan (24) knew she had met the man of her dreams when she met Tony four years ago. “We met at a friend’s party and agreed to meet the following day for coffee.” Joan says. “We used a condom every time we got intimate.” She goes on.
After dating for about seven months they decided to move in together. They decided go to the Voluntary Counseling and Testing center(VCT) where they both tested negative for the virus and asked to come back three months later. They tested negative again.
“We were so happy we didn’t have to use a condom from then on.”
“I got pregnant six months later and was over the moon.” She says. “Tony was so happy he was talking of moving to a bigger house, and introduced me to his mother.” She narrates.
When Joan went to her hospital for her first prenatal clinic, she didn’t believe what the nurses had to tell her. “The nurse called me into this room and told me I was HIV positive, I laughed at her. She says. “I was definitely sure she had the results mixed up, I knew I was faithful to Tony, I never believed he was an angel but I just didn’t think he would be stupid not to use protection.” She says.
When the shock wore off and reality finally set in Joan had to deal with her HIV positive status. Tony didn’t want anything to do with the baby after she told him of what happened and even gave her money to terminate the pregnancy. They broke up and she went through her pregnancy and the first five months after her baby was born alone.
“One day when I had finally decided to move on and was clearing his things from the house I came across some papers. They were HIV CD4 results from mbagathi hospital that belonged to Tony and a woman who I later found out was his ex. The test results were dated two months before we met.” She says. “ I don’t even know what I felt after reading those results, all this time Tony knew he was HIV positive and went on ahead to get me pregnant.” The pain of betrayal and the fact that she didn’t really ask to see Tony’s physical results took a toll on her emotions. Joan was so angry she had to enlist the help of some members of her support group to help her work through her anger.
Joan’s story emphasizes the fact that nowadays, sex simply isn’t a safe activity. Even when one believes they are in an honest monogamous relationship with their partners, it’s advised to do everything in your power to protect yourself and assume total responsibility for your own sexual health.
Fear of rejection by our partners, make us give in and agree to unprotected sex. Most HIV+ people find it hard to disclose their status to their partners because of the stigma associated with disclosure so often times we believe ‘just this once wont hurt’ oblivious of the risks and dangers we put ourselves and our partners into.
Aside from sex with monogamous partners, there is the sex that gets to happen sooner than it should; before we get to know our partners properly.
Christine met a man sometime last year when she and her friends went out clubbing. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink which I later offered to replace.” She narrates.
“We ended up talking the whole night and exchanged phone numbers. I was so smitten by him and looked forward to when he would call.” She says.
Peter did call and they met a couple of times before they became intimate. They never had any discussion on sexual health in the two months they were together.
“The issue just never came up.” She says. “One Friday evening Peter started a baseless argument that ended up in a fight.” Christine says.
She decided to take sometime to cool off and didn’t call or meet Peter in a week. Then she started having an itch in her vaginal area.
“I ignored it for a while but after a day or two I had fever and therefore went to see a doctor.” She explains.
Tests revealed that she had syphilis. “I nearly passed out.” She says. She later got treatment and hasn’t ever seen Peter again.
Starting a new sexual relationship is tricky most of the times, this often makes it difficult to know how or when to ask or reveal the crucial things that need to be established.
Young people are usually more sexually active and considered high risk group to HIV.
“What young people don’t realize is that it’s not just HIV you are in dander of contracting but that there are other STI’s potentially in your lover’s body just waiting to get to you.” Nancy Kaharu a counselor at Gold Star Network says.
Nancy says that many young women are taking foolish risks by having unprotected intercourse. She attributes this to emotional issues. “When one isn’t confident about who they are, are feeling depressed or have issues like body image then they are vulnerable to doing things just to please their partners.
The challenge is when to bring up discussions about sexual health in a relationship. When is it safe to discuss and disclose ones HIV+ status to a potential partner? Nancy suggests that Communication should be encouraged from the first day in the relationship. She knows that people are uncomfortable to disclose their HIV+ status to their partners for fear of rejection but she insists that disclosure shows responsibility and basic honesty. You and your partner owe each other the opportunity to make a choice about the risks you will be taking during sex. Knowing your condition before hand doesn’t mean that intercourse is impossible.
“If you aren’t ready to talk about your status to someone then don’t get intimate with them.” She says
Nancy advises that couples should have “the sexual etiquette talk.” During ‘non sexual moments and should have it early on in the relationship.
“At that point when you are talking about what you do and who your friends and family are, this is when you should be discussing sex.” She says.
She reckons that sex is a beautiful thing but if not done right can be very dangerous.
So how does one initiate the sex discussion?
Nancy advises “when talking about HIV testing and condom use couples should concentrate on the future and not on the past.” Partners should focus on past infidelities but should in turn dwell on whether the current relationship has a future. If the relationship is promising then start STI, HIV and condom use discussions earlier on in the relationship. Make it a routine to go for tests and insist on seeing each others results. Most medical institutions now have provision for couples testing and counseling.
She adds that there is need to balance the sex talk.
“Don’t dwell on the dangers, talk about what you like, what you would like and how you want to try out new things. Men love that.” She laughs.
The youth especially young women are advised to be assertive about their sexual safety; even if this means losing your partner because you told them you’re HIV+ status or asked them to put on a condom.
Nancy says it’s all about self respect; if you care about yourself then you will insist that things happen well and safely for you.
Joan (24) knew she had met the man of her dreams when she met Tony four years ago. “We met at a friend’s party and agreed to meet the following day for coffee.” Joan says. “We used a condom every time we got intimate.” She goes on.
After dating for about seven months they decided to move in together. They decided go to the Voluntary Counseling and Testing center(VCT) where they both tested negative for the virus and asked to come back three months later. They tested negative again.
“We were so happy we didn’t have to use a condom from then on.”
“I got pregnant six months later and was over the moon.” She says. “Tony was so happy he was talking of moving to a bigger house, and introduced me to his mother.” She narrates.
When Joan went to her hospital for her first prenatal clinic, she didn’t believe what the nurses had to tell her. “The nurse called me into this room and told me I was HIV positive, I laughed at her. She says. “I was definitely sure she had the results mixed up, I knew I was faithful to Tony, I never believed he was an angel but I just didn’t think he would be stupid not to use protection.” She says.
When the shock wore off and reality finally set in Joan had to deal with her HIV positive status. Tony didn’t want anything to do with the baby after she told him of what happened and even gave her money to terminate the pregnancy. They broke up and she went through her pregnancy and the first five months after her baby was born alone.
“One day when I had finally decided to move on and was clearing his things from the house I came across some papers. They were HIV CD4 results from mbagathi hospital that belonged to Tony and a woman who I later found out was his ex. The test results were dated two months before we met.” She says. “ I don’t even know what I felt after reading those results, all this time Tony knew he was HIV positive and went on ahead to get me pregnant.” The pain of betrayal and the fact that she didn’t really ask to see Tony’s physical results took a toll on her emotions. Joan was so angry she had to enlist the help of some members of her support group to help her work through her anger.
Joan’s story emphasizes the fact that nowadays, sex simply isn’t a safe activity. Even when one believes they are in an honest monogamous relationship with their partners, it’s advised to do everything in your power to protect yourself and assume total responsibility for your own sexual health.
Fear of rejection by our partners, make us give in and agree to unprotected sex. Most HIV+ people find it hard to disclose their status to their partners because of the stigma associated with disclosure so often times we believe ‘just this once wont hurt’ oblivious of the risks and dangers we put ourselves and our partners into.
Aside from sex with monogamous partners, there is the sex that gets to happen sooner than it should; before we get to know our partners properly.
Christine met a man sometime last year when she and her friends went out clubbing. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink which I later offered to replace.” She narrates.
“We ended up talking the whole night and exchanged phone numbers. I was so smitten by him and looked forward to when he would call.” She says.
Peter did call and they met a couple of times before they became intimate. They never had any discussion on sexual health in the two months they were together.
“The issue just never came up.” She says. “One Friday evening Peter started a baseless argument that ended up in a fight.” Christine says.
She decided to take sometime to cool off and didn’t call or meet Peter in a week. Then she started having an itch in her vaginal area.
“I ignored it for a while but after a day or two I had fever and therefore went to see a doctor.” She explains.
Tests revealed that she had syphilis. “I nearly passed out.” She says. She later got treatment and hasn’t ever seen Peter again.
Starting a new sexual relationship is tricky most of the times, this often makes it difficult to know how or when to ask or reveal the crucial things that need to be established.
Young people are usually more sexually active and considered high risk group to HIV.
“What young people don’t realize is that it’s not just HIV you are in dander of contracting but that there are other STI’s potentially in your lover’s body just waiting to get to you.” Nancy Kaharu a counselor at Gold Star Network says.
Nancy says that many young women are taking foolish risks by having unprotected intercourse. She attributes this to emotional issues. “When one isn’t confident about who they are, are feeling depressed or have issues like body image then they are vulnerable to doing things just to please their partners.
The challenge is when to bring up discussions about sexual health in a relationship. When is it safe to discuss and disclose ones HIV+ status to a potential partner? Nancy suggests that Communication should be encouraged from the first day in the relationship. She knows that people are uncomfortable to disclose their HIV+ status to their partners for fear of rejection but she insists that disclosure shows responsibility and basic honesty. You and your partner owe each other the opportunity to make a choice about the risks you will be taking during sex. Knowing your condition before hand doesn’t mean that intercourse is impossible.
“If you aren’t ready to talk about your status to someone then don’t get intimate with them.” She says
Nancy advises that couples should have “the sexual etiquette talk.” During ‘non sexual moments and should have it early on in the relationship.
“At that point when you are talking about what you do and who your friends and family are, this is when you should be discussing sex.” She says.
She reckons that sex is a beautiful thing but if not done right can be very dangerous.
So how does one initiate the sex discussion?
Nancy advises “when talking about HIV testing and condom use couples should concentrate on the future and not on the past.” Partners should focus on past infidelities but should in turn dwell on whether the current relationship has a future. If the relationship is promising then start STI, HIV and condom use discussions earlier on in the relationship. Make it a routine to go for tests and insist on seeing each others results. Most medical institutions now have provision for couples testing and counseling.
She adds that there is need to balance the sex talk.
“Don’t dwell on the dangers, talk about what you like, what you would like and how you want to try out new things. Men love that.” She laughs.
The youth especially young women are advised to be assertive about their sexual safety; even if this means losing your partner because you told them you’re HIV+ status or asked them to put on a condom.
Nancy says it’s all about self respect; if you care about yourself then you will insist that things happen well and safely for you.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
ODE TO CAROLINE; YOUR LIGHT WILL BURN BRIGHT IN OUR HEARTS.
Some one once said, “A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope”.
This is exactly how I knew Caroline Masawa. She and I were from extreme ends of life, we were brought together by what we have in common. Our living with HIV and the work we did.
She helped me in so many ways I wouldn’t even be able to list them all.
She and I met when I was recovering from a huge life storm. I had nothing to my name and I totally needed good and true friends. She was my friend, she rejoiced with me, cried with me and stood by me in my disappointments. Was I a friend enough for her? I wonder.
She was there when I made very big changes to my life, Every time I faltered because I was scared of the outcome, she would ask me one question
“Florence where is your faith”
She nudged and encouraged me to write; go ahead and make updates on my blog, see if it will reach out to people. People she knew I so much needed to meet so as to create the change I yearned to create.
She listened to me talk about my fears, she shared hers as well, and she taught me forgiveness, how not to be so angry at life, she taught me how to pray, prayed with me whenever I asked her too. She introduced me to Joel Osteen and I was hooked. She taught me to love God again.
Carol taught me the meaning of love and forgiveness, she loved a man so much she forgave him even after his actions nearly cost her life last year. The last conversation she and I had, she was thinking of moving in with him and adopting a child because her health wouldn’t allow her to have one of her own.
She loved her church, forgave them and went back even after some people shunned her when she needed them most. She had a big heart.
She loved her job no matter what, never complained, worked though whatever ailment she had that day. She was dedicated to her work. To doing things right. She made integrity come to life. Wouldn’t compromise on her values; especially when helping the less fortunate.
For this, many people didn’t like her. Often, people always want someone they can push around or manipulate. She couldn’t be manipulated.
Her love for her job exposed her to dust; lots of dust and that made her sick. The dust coupled with bad judgment call saw us lose Caroline last Wednesday.
Joel Osteen in one of his sermons said
“When we hear the word "invest", we often think of investing in the stock market, in real estate, or for retirement. While it's good to invest that way, the truth is, those investments will eventually fade away. The best inheritance we can leave our children and others around us is what we invested in them, not what we left for them.”
Carol invested a lot in me and I in turn have spread this goodness to lots of other people; that is how I know her light will continue burning bright in our hearts.
REST IN PEACE CAROL MASAWA!
This is exactly how I knew Caroline Masawa. She and I were from extreme ends of life, we were brought together by what we have in common. Our living with HIV and the work we did.
She helped me in so many ways I wouldn’t even be able to list them all.
She and I met when I was recovering from a huge life storm. I had nothing to my name and I totally needed good and true friends. She was my friend, she rejoiced with me, cried with me and stood by me in my disappointments. Was I a friend enough for her? I wonder.
She was there when I made very big changes to my life, Every time I faltered because I was scared of the outcome, she would ask me one question
“Florence where is your faith”
She nudged and encouraged me to write; go ahead and make updates on my blog, see if it will reach out to people. People she knew I so much needed to meet so as to create the change I yearned to create.
She listened to me talk about my fears, she shared hers as well, and she taught me forgiveness, how not to be so angry at life, she taught me how to pray, prayed with me whenever I asked her too. She introduced me to Joel Osteen and I was hooked. She taught me to love God again.
Carol taught me the meaning of love and forgiveness, she loved a man so much she forgave him even after his actions nearly cost her life last year. The last conversation she and I had, she was thinking of moving in with him and adopting a child because her health wouldn’t allow her to have one of her own.
She loved her church, forgave them and went back even after some people shunned her when she needed them most. She had a big heart.
She loved her job no matter what, never complained, worked though whatever ailment she had that day. She was dedicated to her work. To doing things right. She made integrity come to life. Wouldn’t compromise on her values; especially when helping the less fortunate.
For this, many people didn’t like her. Often, people always want someone they can push around or manipulate. She couldn’t be manipulated.
Her love for her job exposed her to dust; lots of dust and that made her sick. The dust coupled with bad judgment call saw us lose Caroline last Wednesday.
Joel Osteen in one of his sermons said
“When we hear the word "invest", we often think of investing in the stock market, in real estate, or for retirement. While it's good to invest that way, the truth is, those investments will eventually fade away. The best inheritance we can leave our children and others around us is what we invested in them, not what we left for them.”
Carol invested a lot in me and I in turn have spread this goodness to lots of other people; that is how I know her light will continue burning bright in our hearts.
REST IN PEACE CAROL MASAWA!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)