December 1st the world marks World AIDS day. The theme for World AIDS Day 2011 is “Getting to Zero”. After almost three decades of numerous programs and strategies to deal with HIV/AIDS pandemic, this year the global Community has committed to focusing on achieving three main targets; Zero New HIV Infections, Zero Discrimination and Zero AIDS-related Deaths.”
World AIDS Day provides an opportunity for all of us - individuals, communities and political leaders - to take on the challenge of getting to zero. In reflecting on the three targets there is so much we can do as individuals to enable the goal of Getting to Zero.
Mother Teresa once said, “we cannot all do great things,but we can do small things but with great love”. It’s my belief that as we Mark World AIDS day, we can all begin to reflect on what things we can do to contribute towards making our country and this world achieve its milestones in strategies towards Prevention, Treatment and management of HIV/AIDS.
In no particular order, here are 5 things you can do;
TALK/COMMUNICATE; when I was young, there was a song by Salt N Pepper, “Lets talk about Sex”. Yeah.... you tube it if you weren’t born by then. Anyway, In the spirit of that song, we have to talk about sex if we are to achieve Zero New HIV infections. Lets talk to our friends, our neighbors, anyone in need of information, anyone in need of help. Lets talk about HIV. What it is, how it is transmitted, how to prevent it, what treatment options are available and where we can get it. Lets talk and make people informed about HIV/AIDS. On a more personal level, lets communicate to the people we live with and care about. The people we call family. Talk to your spouse’s/partners, Really, stop talking to the women in your chama or the men in your drinking group or the radio for pits sake and communicate to your spouse’s/partners. At the end of the day, they are the ones you go home to and expect to fix your little problems sexual or otherwise.
Talk about seeking HIV and other STI prevention strategies, Talk about the responsibilities in your relationships and commitment to each other. If We get good at talking to our spouses, then maybe we won’t seek short term solutions to our problems and maybe…just maybe, Jimmy Gathu and his calculator will vacate our TV’s and let us be.
Talk to your children. In this age and time, it is very detrimental to avoid talking to your children however young they may be. The world tells your children a lot of nasty things, you need to communicate your values, your thoughts and give direction on what is wrong and what’s right. Granted they may not always think you are right but believe me, they will use some of the thoughts and advice shared a lot when they are all grown up. Talk to your children in honesty and as consistently as you can. Talk to them about their body parts, what should be touched at what time and by whom. Statistics the world over show that majority of children are sexually molested by people they know and care about; relatives, teacher’s et al. I couldn’t stress this enough; Talk to your children.
GET TESTED; the only way to know if one is not infected is to get tested. The only way to know you are not transmitting the virus to your spouse/sexual partner/child/complicated relationship/one night stand or whatever it is you prefer to call them is if you are sure of your HIV status. Anyone who is sexually active needs to test for HIV at least twice a year…make it a habit and this is not one of those habits you regret making. Making it a part of your life rubs off on the people around you and before you know it, they are getting tested too. It’s free in this country so no excuses. Get tested.
'CONDOMISE'; Okay seriously I’m trying not to be judgmental here but you would think this is rocket science by now? Well it isn’t. judging by the number of unwanted pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Incidences, Many of us are singing in this choir but very few are actually using protection. Use a condom if you are getting in the sack with anyone whose HIV or STI status you are unaware of. Use a condom if you are not ready to be a mum or dad and do not want the children’s department summoning you for child support. One of the key ways to prevent new infections is correct and consistent use of condoms. Which are provided free in government clinics or which are sold at a very subsidized price. It’s a small cost to pay if we are to achieve some aspect of Zero New infection.
CHANGE; attitude and behavior; both yours and the people around you. Change your attitude about HIV/AIDS, your attitude about people living with HIV, Your attitude about your life with HIV, and hopefully change your friends/neighbors/peers attitude in whatever way you can. Change your risk accelerating behaviors if any, change your friends if need be, Get support systems that will enable you to make good changes in your life. This rubs off on people and before you know it, they are changing too…or leaving you alone. Change is inevitable; you just need to ensure yours is positive.
LOVE; Yourself and your neighbors. If you love yourself, you will take care of yourself, you will instill values on you that show and exude self love. Those who love themselves do not judge or discriminate other people; they show love and direction to those who need it. Those who love themselves are assured of their potential and that of their support system to constantly seek what is right for them and their family. Love yourself; love yourself enough to know your HIV status. If you are HIV negative, love yourself enough to stay that way. If you are HIV positive, love yourself enough to want to live a positive productive life. Seek help if you need it, take your 'meds' as the doctor instructs, use a condom to protect your partners and treat any ailment as soon as it comes up. Live and let live.
Feel free to add your own ideas of what one can do to this list. Go out there and make a choice or choices that will enable this country, and indeed the world achieve it’s goal of Getting to Zero, one individual at a time.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Happy birthday to me!!
Sunday 20th November, is that time of the year again when; thanks to Facebook birthday alerts, the world shall know I’m turning a year older and I shall have lots of birthday wishes from my friends…even virtual ones and I get to marvel at how many birthday wishes I get lately. It’s like everyone is cheering you on to finish the Life race Damn!!
A couple of days before my birthday, I sit in reflection and think about life…my life, taking stock of things to be grateful for…the people who I owe lots of gratitude to and I say a little prayer. 5 years ago, I didn’t think I will be here happy and jovial and without sob stories or drama. So I will break the tradition of silent gratitude and prayer and write this little tribute to myself and to the people who in one way or another influence my life every day.
There is a time in everyone’s life when something happens and you are faced with a life and death reality and the choice to survive is solely placed in your hands. I got one or two of those, scary stuff at the time; real scary stuff judging from the number of people in my life I saw running for the hills. The aftermath of it, the confusion and trauma was immense. Then just like a bad dream I saw myself sink into a hole dug so deep with my falling esteem, allowed doctors, friends, boys, men, society, and everyone who thought I had a right to listen to them give me opinions, mostly about things I couldn’t or shouldn’t do or wouldn’t achieve no matter how much i tried because it would just be a waste of time. I believed them, it was the easiest thing to do that at the time.
At the bottom of that big hole, I found ‘peace’, safety, it was quiet, there were no judgmental people in there with their prejudices and judgmental remarks, down there, there were just people like me…looking to hide, dealing with sometimes far much bigger issues. Then there was family and friends who were resilient enough to come find me in there. In the midst of that silence, I was able to listen to myself, to find out who I really am, what I really want.
I found myself, with things so clear to me; I climbed out of the hole and soaked in the sunshine once again…illuminating the sun’s rays to touch people’s lives every day. It’s a blessing being ME, I love every moment of it. I know me, I know what I want, I don’t let people define that for me, I love me, it’s ridiculous how much I love me lately, Its reflected in how people love me, I have faith and belief for good everywhere. It’s a beautiful feeling.
Someone once said; “whatever you think about and thank about, you bring about” so since I want more of these people I must acknowledge that I didn’t get here on solitary efforts. so I want to show my gratitude to;…
To God; For being patient with me even as I walked around with so much hatred for you and many others; but mostly for making it all clear to me now ‘why it had to be me’. I asked you that question a lot and now, I have utmost gratitude that I was able to go through what I went through to be who I am in service to people who need your manifestations in the simplest of ways, even if its just a smile or a hug.
To my oldest friends: If we have been friends for 10 years and above, you fall in this category, To Doris, for always being there with laughter and advice that nudges me on and demands that I do not belittle myself, for knowing I need that doze of powerpuff and supplying it every day whether I ask for it or not. To Kantai, for being around and available; throughout the confusion, the drama and for celebrating little milestones with me consistently. To my sister Deby,….your list is long! Thanks so much for your wise counsel and being my best friend. sometimes i wonder if i actually changed your diapers or that was a clone!, To Faith; Kafei, this journey started with a blog you made me write…I wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t there giving me the ropes back then. To Ruth Olum, hmmm, for always showing up in times when I need you, to Joyce Musimbi, for holding my hands right from the first day and walking with me to my first appointment and making jokes to break the ice. To Rose Adem, for being my longest true friend. To Hill and Ham;for accepting me as i am, Thank you. To Brenda Ngwala, for giving me your family and home when I needed one, and showing me the value of true friendship. To Rose Jalang'o and Hellen my cousins, for the many occasions you have shared my laughter and tears.There are some friends that reached out and at the time I wasn’t too sure of who I was to even let them in, Nyasaka, Terry Obadha, Alice Nyange, Phoebe…and anyone else whose names I may have forgotten, thank you.
To my new friends; Those who have been friends with me in less than 10 years. This is the longest list. Majority of you came into my life and have assisted me a lot in finding who I am. Have listened to me talk too much, have influenced my life just by being you and have and continue to occasionally, bring the greatest of advices from which I have enriched my life. I am grateful for the parts of your life you share with me, the faith you have in me and my opinions in matters so personal to your life. To my ‘special’ buddies,(sisemi majina yenu) you know how much impact you have in my life as much as I have in yours and I am grateful everyday that your stories and your lives give me hope, life’s lessons and build me up. I won’t mention all of my new friends but to Mary for being there during my internship and afterwards, for always giving me a home when I am in Kisumu, and for your friendship, To Lenin, Lucyline and Linda, hehehe for many many memories both at work and afterwards however short the duration of this friendship, to Elizabeth, for holding my hand a lot in 08!, To Jacky wangui...long list.To M. Murenga, Margaret, Anne Wacuka, J.Wamboi,carol Mwangi, for your support both for work and beyond, To Catherine, for being an inspiration every day even as you make me your sounding board. To the Late Caro, For praying with me, and bringing me back to God, Vincent, for all the help with the car and all my silly ‘kurutu’ drama, Asante. To Moses, for being my accountability friend, for the dates and udaku at the Mutura place :-D, Mwamachi, for being resilient enough to break down all my 'barriers' to communication and being one of my best friends in 2011thanks so much for not giving up on me, S.Lagoh, for your counsel and biblical outlook to everything in life, thanks... To you Kevin, for sitting with me during the L sign days, for calling/emailing/talking to me every time about going forth and reaching my potential. Its always a blessing talking to you. To my counselor, Nancy,for being my mum and seeing through me. To Silas Njoroge, for being the first 'date' away from the bar in like forever and later being a good friend. Thank you for sharing your life, your storms and your recovery and joy for all the new beginnings..im glad I was a part of it all. To the ‘special’ guy taking me to the mountains on my birthday…….for being the certain proof that the Universe does hand down what anyone asks for. Thank you.
Obviously, this list is long, so to all of you; thanks so much for ensuring I have a big smile on my face. I turn a year older grateful and happy in the knowledge and wisdom that I have the best people in my corner.
Happy birthday to me!!
A couple of days before my birthday, I sit in reflection and think about life…my life, taking stock of things to be grateful for…the people who I owe lots of gratitude to and I say a little prayer. 5 years ago, I didn’t think I will be here happy and jovial and without sob stories or drama. So I will break the tradition of silent gratitude and prayer and write this little tribute to myself and to the people who in one way or another influence my life every day.
There is a time in everyone’s life when something happens and you are faced with a life and death reality and the choice to survive is solely placed in your hands. I got one or two of those, scary stuff at the time; real scary stuff judging from the number of people in my life I saw running for the hills. The aftermath of it, the confusion and trauma was immense. Then just like a bad dream I saw myself sink into a hole dug so deep with my falling esteem, allowed doctors, friends, boys, men, society, and everyone who thought I had a right to listen to them give me opinions, mostly about things I couldn’t or shouldn’t do or wouldn’t achieve no matter how much i tried because it would just be a waste of time. I believed them, it was the easiest thing to do that at the time.
At the bottom of that big hole, I found ‘peace’, safety, it was quiet, there were no judgmental people in there with their prejudices and judgmental remarks, down there, there were just people like me…looking to hide, dealing with sometimes far much bigger issues. Then there was family and friends who were resilient enough to come find me in there. In the midst of that silence, I was able to listen to myself, to find out who I really am, what I really want.
I found myself, with things so clear to me; I climbed out of the hole and soaked in the sunshine once again…illuminating the sun’s rays to touch people’s lives every day. It’s a blessing being ME, I love every moment of it. I know me, I know what I want, I don’t let people define that for me, I love me, it’s ridiculous how much I love me lately, Its reflected in how people love me, I have faith and belief for good everywhere. It’s a beautiful feeling.
Someone once said; “whatever you think about and thank about, you bring about” so since I want more of these people I must acknowledge that I didn’t get here on solitary efforts. so I want to show my gratitude to;…
To God; For being patient with me even as I walked around with so much hatred for you and many others; but mostly for making it all clear to me now ‘why it had to be me’. I asked you that question a lot and now, I have utmost gratitude that I was able to go through what I went through to be who I am in service to people who need your manifestations in the simplest of ways, even if its just a smile or a hug.
To my oldest friends: If we have been friends for 10 years and above, you fall in this category, To Doris, for always being there with laughter and advice that nudges me on and demands that I do not belittle myself, for knowing I need that doze of powerpuff and supplying it every day whether I ask for it or not. To Kantai, for being around and available; throughout the confusion, the drama and for celebrating little milestones with me consistently. To my sister Deby,….your list is long! Thanks so much for your wise counsel and being my best friend. sometimes i wonder if i actually changed your diapers or that was a clone!, To Faith; Kafei, this journey started with a blog you made me write…I wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t there giving me the ropes back then. To Ruth Olum, hmmm, for always showing up in times when I need you, to Joyce Musimbi, for holding my hands right from the first day and walking with me to my first appointment and making jokes to break the ice. To Rose Adem, for being my longest true friend. To Hill and Ham;for accepting me as i am, Thank you. To Brenda Ngwala, for giving me your family and home when I needed one, and showing me the value of true friendship. To Rose Jalang'o and Hellen my cousins, for the many occasions you have shared my laughter and tears.There are some friends that reached out and at the time I wasn’t too sure of who I was to even let them in, Nyasaka, Terry Obadha, Alice Nyange, Phoebe…and anyone else whose names I may have forgotten, thank you.
To my new friends; Those who have been friends with me in less than 10 years. This is the longest list. Majority of you came into my life and have assisted me a lot in finding who I am. Have listened to me talk too much, have influenced my life just by being you and have and continue to occasionally, bring the greatest of advices from which I have enriched my life. I am grateful for the parts of your life you share with me, the faith you have in me and my opinions in matters so personal to your life. To my ‘special’ buddies,(sisemi majina yenu) you know how much impact you have in my life as much as I have in yours and I am grateful everyday that your stories and your lives give me hope, life’s lessons and build me up. I won’t mention all of my new friends but to Mary for being there during my internship and afterwards, for always giving me a home when I am in Kisumu, and for your friendship, To Lenin, Lucyline and Linda, hehehe for many many memories both at work and afterwards however short the duration of this friendship, to Elizabeth, for holding my hand a lot in 08!, To Jacky wangui...long list.To M. Murenga, Margaret, Anne Wacuka, J.Wamboi,carol Mwangi, for your support both for work and beyond, To Catherine, for being an inspiration every day even as you make me your sounding board. To the Late Caro, For praying with me, and bringing me back to God, Vincent, for all the help with the car and all my silly ‘kurutu’ drama, Asante. To Moses, for being my accountability friend, for the dates and udaku at the Mutura place :-D, Mwamachi, for being resilient enough to break down all my 'barriers' to communication and being one of my best friends in 2011thanks so much for not giving up on me, S.Lagoh, for your counsel and biblical outlook to everything in life, thanks... To you Kevin, for sitting with me during the L sign days, for calling/emailing/talking to me every time about going forth and reaching my potential. Its always a blessing talking to you. To my counselor, Nancy,for being my mum and seeing through me. To Silas Njoroge, for being the first 'date' away from the bar in like forever and later being a good friend. Thank you for sharing your life, your storms and your recovery and joy for all the new beginnings..im glad I was a part of it all. To the ‘special’ guy taking me to the mountains on my birthday…….for being the certain proof that the Universe does hand down what anyone asks for. Thank you.
Obviously, this list is long, so to all of you; thanks so much for ensuring I have a big smile on my face. I turn a year older grateful and happy in the knowledge and wisdom that I have the best people in my corner.
Happy birthday to me!!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
A to Z OF POSITIVE LIVING.
"They can conquer who believe they can. He has not learned the first lesson is life who does not every day surmount a fear." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometime in February my support group held its first meeting of the year. These meetings are always dear to our hearts seeing as all the members are professionals and are busy. Most of the time we only have to settle for programmed group chats or phone calls. We have always had a meeting at the beginning of the year to sort of ‘take stock of the year that was and chart course for the New Year’ in this meeting we share among other things the troubles of the just ended year maybe in all aspects of living with HIV or personal. Nothing is too shameful to discuss and for most people this is the only forum they get to talk about their HIV status and the challenges or strides they make as they haven’t disclosed to anyone. We get a guest speaker to talk to us and a counselor is always present to point out situations in which we need further emotional help.
This years meeting was special. We have had these kinds of meetings since our first in early 2008 with me moderating them. This year, as people walked into the room and we exchanged long hugs and pleasantries I noticed a big difference. The room was full of joy and laughter, bright faces, calm souls and confident men and women. You could pick out the new members just by walking in. In my eyes was unfolding the truth that my people have grown.
I have had the privilege to walk with all the members through the tough times, sometimes putting aside my own fears and bad moments because I know how much they look up to me and watching these people that day, I felt proud. Proud of me for being able to witness growth of these magnitude and proud of every one of the members of the group for walking through the tough times and getting to the various points in their lives they are at.
Testing HIV positive isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and no one wants to wake up and find they have to deal with it. However looking at the men and women in my support group and the strides they have made over the years; I see a remarkable ability by people of all walks of life to be able to live well and long productive years. This is so because they chose to live positively.
Let me walk you through the alphabet of what I think it means to live positively as some of us may perhaps have no clue.
A is for ACCEPTANCE
In this context, acceptance would be the point when one is able to look at themselves in the mirror and say “My name is …….and I am HIV positive” without a crease on their face because whoever they see on the mirror is a beautiful lady or handsome man with a lot of potential and good things in life going good for them. Different people get to this place differently. It shows a huge element of self love has been reached and is the key to effective positive living with HIV.
B is for BRAVE;
You need to be brave. Sure this news brings with it life changing decisions, sure you will lose your job or business due to illness or whatever, sure some people may not like you much and may walk away from you, others may judge you and yet other give you too much attention but believe me just like any ‘high tide moment’ in the ocean, this too will come to pass. You need to be brave enough to weather the tide.
C is for COMMITMENT;
Some one once said, “The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.”
You need to commit to working toward a long healthy life. You need to eat right, stay in good body and mind condition. At some point, one will need to take their ARV’s. You need to commit to taking these medications as instructed by the doctor. You need to commit to quitting that favorite beer or glass of wine; you have to commit to quit smoking or any of those sweet vices that may put your life in danger.
You need to commit to using a condom every time you have sexual intercourse and you need to see a doc every time you are sick. Commitment to a healthy life will reap its fruits for you.
D is for DISCLOSURE;
This is one of the hardest parts of living with HIV. Sadly thought its one of those things we can’t run away from much as we try to put it off. Eventually we will eventually have to tell someone. It could be your spouse or partner or friends or your siblings or parents or children or even you colleagues at work. In whatever you do, before you disclose, you need to think things through. Why do you tell, When to tell, who to tell, how to tell, what to tell and where to tell are some of the questions you need to answer to yourself before you tell. Remember the best time to tell is when you are ready. It’s your story to tell whenever and however you feel like.
E is for EMOTIONS
Lots of emotions will be felt with the news that one is HIV positive and through out your life. It’s been years for some of us but we still at one point or another feel sad or sorry for ourselves or even some anger once in a while. It’s okay to feel sad, to cry once in a while, to feel weak and scared and to seek help for it. Once you know this then you are better placed to deal with the punch of emotions. Feelings like despair, pain, rage, anger, depression are normal at one point or another. One needs to know how to manage their emotions and stay positive.
F is for FORGIVENESS
It’s human to always look for someone to blame for all the bad things that happen in our lives. Once we have, I think its best to let it go and forgive whoever it is we are blaming. You need to forgive whoever you think infected you. You also need to forgive yourself because all this self hatred and condemnation will just cause pain and nothing productive.
With the realization that one is HIV positive almost always launches a need in one to find out where they got it from. People will always look for someone to blame and then blame themselves as well. Along the lines of life with this virus, you may meet people who may treat you differently or may not want to be friends with you anymore. The best way to stay healthy is by not harboring any bad feelings towards yourself and towards people. Learn to forgive and if you can, forget.
F is also for FRIENDS; who you need to walk this path with you. Lose the bad ones and fake groupies, make new and meaningful ones and in a while it will all be worth the pain.
G is for GOALS
Set goals, small ones, short ones…then big ones and crazy ones. A friend from the group and I are thinking of bungee jumping before the end of this year. Okay a few years back I didn’t think past setting goals that didn’t involve HIV. Now? I just have fun making the most of what I have and seeking to achieve the best that I can be. At first it’s hard to believe that one can be able to go through the hurdles of living with HIV. Make small goals, for example, aim to increase the number of your CD4 cells through good nutrition, or cut down on the alcohol intake or if you’re smoking, stop smoking. With time you will get to a point where you realize all your goals-even the ones that have nothing to do with this condition- can be achieved because living positively enables you live well for a long time.
H is for HOSPITAL
You will need to visit this place at least twice a year and listen very carefully to what everyone who works there tells you to do. The CD4 and Liver function tests are important. Do not miss to take them. Treat any ailment you have from the hospital. Its one of the most important things to note. Other people can self medicate if they want but not you. Even something as small as a cold could manifest itself into a serious chest infection if not taken seriously. The Hospital is going to be part of your life, make the most of it!
I is for INFORMATION;
Get all the information you can lay your hands on about this condition. We exist in a technologically savvy environment and can be able to access information from the net. Keep reading about emerging trends. Share the information you have with your loved ones or the people you have disclosed to. They need the information to know how well to manage you in this condition.
J is for JUNE&JULY
If you live in Nairobi Kenya, then you probably know these months are the coldest in the year. Care should be taken during these months, especially in July. Forget the fashion, it doesn’t matter if you are dressed in all the rainbow colors; Dress warm, eat nutritious foods, take your vitamins and treat any chest and upper respiratory ailments as they come up. This is because lots of respiratory ailments like pneumonia and TB are rampant at this time.
K is for KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge is power they say. Get to know through every means necessary anything and everything you can about HIV&AIDS. The more you know the better you are at knowing how well to manage your condition.
L is for LIFE; LOVE; AND LAUGHTER!
Life is short. I have watched enough of my friends die and with everyday I’m grateful for life and chose to make the most out of my days. You should too. Once you are done crying and feeling sorry for yourself that is. Don’t be afraid to reach out for the stars; to expand your horizons defy all odds to reach your potential. Love lives, love people, love YOU! From the mole on your face to the big tummy you have as a result of the ARV’s you are taking. Love yourself without dwelling on all your shortcomings and focusing on all the good things. This is the only true blessing you could ever give yourself. Besides, how can people love you if you don’t love yourself? Laughter is food for the soul so be sure to feed your soul on platefuls and bowlfuls of it. Those who laugh a lot live longer!
M is for MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING (MOU)
This seems to work with a lot of PLHIV. Someone once shared with my group that at some point ‘he sat down with his virus and had a talk it’ in which some ground rules were laid. The virus was to ensure that he doesn’t strike his immune system in manners that would kill him as they would both die in the process. He would ensure that he eats well and maintained a good healthy body. That way they both had an MOU to coexist in his body. This may sound silly but I think that’s the point at which he made a conscious decision to live positively. He has lived with the virus for close to two decades now.
N is for NUTRITION
Nutrition is key in maintaining a good immune system. Eat a well balanced diet, eat the right foods as advised by the nutritionist or doctor, and avoid cholesterol and toxins. Drink lots of water and you will be fine.
O is for OPPORTUNISTIC INFECTIONS;
An opportunistic infection is an infection caused by pathogens (bacterial, viral, fungal or protozoan) that usually do not cause disease in a healthy host, i.e. one with a healthy immune system. A compromised immune system, however, presents an "opportunity" for the pathogen to infect. These will tend to keep creeping up on you once in a while. Eat well, build up your immune system, start your ARV’s when the Doctor suggests that you do so and see a doctor every time you are sick so they can be detected and treated in time.
P is for PROTECT and PREVENT
Protect the people you love from infection. You may have to disclose to your potential sexual partners about your status hard as it may be. Do everything humanly possible to ensure you don’t infect someone else with the virus as this wont work well for your conscience. Prevent new infections and secondary ones as well. Use condoms at all times even with a HIV positive partner. In case you want to have a baby, do as instructed by the doctors to ensure your baby is not infected during pregnancy or early childhood days.
Q is for QUALITY OF LIFE
What quality of life are you living? Do you eat well, are you clean? Are you living a life of full potential or are you playing victim? Some people use the fact that they have HIV to live lives that are pathetic. This condition doesn’t make you any less productive. Sure you need a few months or years to deal with the blow but you need get up and dust yourself up and walk. It’s all in your head and will power. Living with this disease is not synonymous with failure as people have been made to think.
R is for RESPONSIBILITY
How well and best you live with this virus in your system is your responsibility. Regardless of what happened before, you are now solely responsible for your life. Do as the doctor says, star away from stressful situation, and make life choices and decisions that would make it possible for you to live a long healthy life.
S is for SHARE or SUPPORT SYSTEM
You can not do this alone. No one can. So get yourself a support system in whatever way you can. It could be a family member; support groups like ours, your religious leader anyone to whom you can lay out your fears and hope to be encouraged. You know what they say about a problem shared.
S is for STRESS
Counselors tell us to stay away from stress. I keep wondering what they are taking about. Have they seen the price of fuel lately? How can someone stay away from stress in this economy?! Well I say find adult ways of handling and managing stress. Bottom line you can’t afford to be stressed for long periods of time. The effects of it will take a toll on your health.
S is also for SPIRITUALITY
You need to be at a balance spiritually to be able to be happy and healthy. Everyone has their own thing that they do to reach this balance. Some people go to church or mosque or temple, others meditate and do yoga, others spend time taking walks in reflection, whatever it is that works for you.
T is for TREATMENT;
You will need various treatments through out your life. ARV’s prolong your life even though they aren’t really a cure.
U is for UNLIMITED
In this case; unlimited potential. We all have unlimited potential in us to accomplish anything in our lives. We just need to unlock the cabinet holding it in and soar!!
V is for VALUE
How much do you Value yourself? How much do you value the people in your life? How much do you value your own life? Answer these questions in reflection every time doubts check in. We need to have something we value so much to keep us going. For some people its self value. Yet for others it transcends beyond self to family, spouses and children
W is for WELLNESS
Wellness is defined as; the condition of good physical, mental and emotional health, especially when maintained by an appropriate diet, exercise, and other lifestyle modifications. This involves most of the things already talked about above.
Y is for YOU.
Do not even for one moment forget this is about you. Whatever sacrifices you make, the medications you have to pop in everyday, the gym workout sessions that you dread, whatever limits you push yourself to. Everything you do is for you. That’s the joy of it all.
Z is for ZEAL
Extreme enthusiasm for life is very important. It’s the only way you will manage A to Y!
Sometime in February my support group held its first meeting of the year. These meetings are always dear to our hearts seeing as all the members are professionals and are busy. Most of the time we only have to settle for programmed group chats or phone calls. We have always had a meeting at the beginning of the year to sort of ‘take stock of the year that was and chart course for the New Year’ in this meeting we share among other things the troubles of the just ended year maybe in all aspects of living with HIV or personal. Nothing is too shameful to discuss and for most people this is the only forum they get to talk about their HIV status and the challenges or strides they make as they haven’t disclosed to anyone. We get a guest speaker to talk to us and a counselor is always present to point out situations in which we need further emotional help.
This years meeting was special. We have had these kinds of meetings since our first in early 2008 with me moderating them. This year, as people walked into the room and we exchanged long hugs and pleasantries I noticed a big difference. The room was full of joy and laughter, bright faces, calm souls and confident men and women. You could pick out the new members just by walking in. In my eyes was unfolding the truth that my people have grown.
I have had the privilege to walk with all the members through the tough times, sometimes putting aside my own fears and bad moments because I know how much they look up to me and watching these people that day, I felt proud. Proud of me for being able to witness growth of these magnitude and proud of every one of the members of the group for walking through the tough times and getting to the various points in their lives they are at.
Testing HIV positive isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and no one wants to wake up and find they have to deal with it. However looking at the men and women in my support group and the strides they have made over the years; I see a remarkable ability by people of all walks of life to be able to live well and long productive years. This is so because they chose to live positively.
Let me walk you through the alphabet of what I think it means to live positively as some of us may perhaps have no clue.
A is for ACCEPTANCE
In this context, acceptance would be the point when one is able to look at themselves in the mirror and say “My name is …….and I am HIV positive” without a crease on their face because whoever they see on the mirror is a beautiful lady or handsome man with a lot of potential and good things in life going good for them. Different people get to this place differently. It shows a huge element of self love has been reached and is the key to effective positive living with HIV.
B is for BRAVE;
You need to be brave. Sure this news brings with it life changing decisions, sure you will lose your job or business due to illness or whatever, sure some people may not like you much and may walk away from you, others may judge you and yet other give you too much attention but believe me just like any ‘high tide moment’ in the ocean, this too will come to pass. You need to be brave enough to weather the tide.
C is for COMMITMENT;
Some one once said, “The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.”
You need to commit to working toward a long healthy life. You need to eat right, stay in good body and mind condition. At some point, one will need to take their ARV’s. You need to commit to taking these medications as instructed by the doctor. You need to commit to quitting that favorite beer or glass of wine; you have to commit to quit smoking or any of those sweet vices that may put your life in danger.
You need to commit to using a condom every time you have sexual intercourse and you need to see a doc every time you are sick. Commitment to a healthy life will reap its fruits for you.
D is for DISCLOSURE;
This is one of the hardest parts of living with HIV. Sadly thought its one of those things we can’t run away from much as we try to put it off. Eventually we will eventually have to tell someone. It could be your spouse or partner or friends or your siblings or parents or children or even you colleagues at work. In whatever you do, before you disclose, you need to think things through. Why do you tell, When to tell, who to tell, how to tell, what to tell and where to tell are some of the questions you need to answer to yourself before you tell. Remember the best time to tell is when you are ready. It’s your story to tell whenever and however you feel like.
E is for EMOTIONS
Lots of emotions will be felt with the news that one is HIV positive and through out your life. It’s been years for some of us but we still at one point or another feel sad or sorry for ourselves or even some anger once in a while. It’s okay to feel sad, to cry once in a while, to feel weak and scared and to seek help for it. Once you know this then you are better placed to deal with the punch of emotions. Feelings like despair, pain, rage, anger, depression are normal at one point or another. One needs to know how to manage their emotions and stay positive.
F is for FORGIVENESS
It’s human to always look for someone to blame for all the bad things that happen in our lives. Once we have, I think its best to let it go and forgive whoever it is we are blaming. You need to forgive whoever you think infected you. You also need to forgive yourself because all this self hatred and condemnation will just cause pain and nothing productive.
With the realization that one is HIV positive almost always launches a need in one to find out where they got it from. People will always look for someone to blame and then blame themselves as well. Along the lines of life with this virus, you may meet people who may treat you differently or may not want to be friends with you anymore. The best way to stay healthy is by not harboring any bad feelings towards yourself and towards people. Learn to forgive and if you can, forget.
F is also for FRIENDS; who you need to walk this path with you. Lose the bad ones and fake groupies, make new and meaningful ones and in a while it will all be worth the pain.
G is for GOALS
Set goals, small ones, short ones…then big ones and crazy ones. A friend from the group and I are thinking of bungee jumping before the end of this year. Okay a few years back I didn’t think past setting goals that didn’t involve HIV. Now? I just have fun making the most of what I have and seeking to achieve the best that I can be. At first it’s hard to believe that one can be able to go through the hurdles of living with HIV. Make small goals, for example, aim to increase the number of your CD4 cells through good nutrition, or cut down on the alcohol intake or if you’re smoking, stop smoking. With time you will get to a point where you realize all your goals-even the ones that have nothing to do with this condition- can be achieved because living positively enables you live well for a long time.
H is for HOSPITAL
You will need to visit this place at least twice a year and listen very carefully to what everyone who works there tells you to do. The CD4 and Liver function tests are important. Do not miss to take them. Treat any ailment you have from the hospital. Its one of the most important things to note. Other people can self medicate if they want but not you. Even something as small as a cold could manifest itself into a serious chest infection if not taken seriously. The Hospital is going to be part of your life, make the most of it!
I is for INFORMATION;
Get all the information you can lay your hands on about this condition. We exist in a technologically savvy environment and can be able to access information from the net. Keep reading about emerging trends. Share the information you have with your loved ones or the people you have disclosed to. They need the information to know how well to manage you in this condition.
J is for JUNE&JULY
If you live in Nairobi Kenya, then you probably know these months are the coldest in the year. Care should be taken during these months, especially in July. Forget the fashion, it doesn’t matter if you are dressed in all the rainbow colors; Dress warm, eat nutritious foods, take your vitamins and treat any chest and upper respiratory ailments as they come up. This is because lots of respiratory ailments like pneumonia and TB are rampant at this time.
K is for KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge is power they say. Get to know through every means necessary anything and everything you can about HIV&AIDS. The more you know the better you are at knowing how well to manage your condition.
L is for LIFE; LOVE; AND LAUGHTER!
Life is short. I have watched enough of my friends die and with everyday I’m grateful for life and chose to make the most out of my days. You should too. Once you are done crying and feeling sorry for yourself that is. Don’t be afraid to reach out for the stars; to expand your horizons defy all odds to reach your potential. Love lives, love people, love YOU! From the mole on your face to the big tummy you have as a result of the ARV’s you are taking. Love yourself without dwelling on all your shortcomings and focusing on all the good things. This is the only true blessing you could ever give yourself. Besides, how can people love you if you don’t love yourself? Laughter is food for the soul so be sure to feed your soul on platefuls and bowlfuls of it. Those who laugh a lot live longer!
M is for MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING (MOU)
This seems to work with a lot of PLHIV. Someone once shared with my group that at some point ‘he sat down with his virus and had a talk it’ in which some ground rules were laid. The virus was to ensure that he doesn’t strike his immune system in manners that would kill him as they would both die in the process. He would ensure that he eats well and maintained a good healthy body. That way they both had an MOU to coexist in his body. This may sound silly but I think that’s the point at which he made a conscious decision to live positively. He has lived with the virus for close to two decades now.
N is for NUTRITION
Nutrition is key in maintaining a good immune system. Eat a well balanced diet, eat the right foods as advised by the nutritionist or doctor, and avoid cholesterol and toxins. Drink lots of water and you will be fine.
O is for OPPORTUNISTIC INFECTIONS;
An opportunistic infection is an infection caused by pathogens (bacterial, viral, fungal or protozoan) that usually do not cause disease in a healthy host, i.e. one with a healthy immune system. A compromised immune system, however, presents an "opportunity" for the pathogen to infect. These will tend to keep creeping up on you once in a while. Eat well, build up your immune system, start your ARV’s when the Doctor suggests that you do so and see a doctor every time you are sick so they can be detected and treated in time.
P is for PROTECT and PREVENT
Protect the people you love from infection. You may have to disclose to your potential sexual partners about your status hard as it may be. Do everything humanly possible to ensure you don’t infect someone else with the virus as this wont work well for your conscience. Prevent new infections and secondary ones as well. Use condoms at all times even with a HIV positive partner. In case you want to have a baby, do as instructed by the doctors to ensure your baby is not infected during pregnancy or early childhood days.
Q is for QUALITY OF LIFE
What quality of life are you living? Do you eat well, are you clean? Are you living a life of full potential or are you playing victim? Some people use the fact that they have HIV to live lives that are pathetic. This condition doesn’t make you any less productive. Sure you need a few months or years to deal with the blow but you need get up and dust yourself up and walk. It’s all in your head and will power. Living with this disease is not synonymous with failure as people have been made to think.
R is for RESPONSIBILITY
How well and best you live with this virus in your system is your responsibility. Regardless of what happened before, you are now solely responsible for your life. Do as the doctor says, star away from stressful situation, and make life choices and decisions that would make it possible for you to live a long healthy life.
S is for SHARE or SUPPORT SYSTEM
You can not do this alone. No one can. So get yourself a support system in whatever way you can. It could be a family member; support groups like ours, your religious leader anyone to whom you can lay out your fears and hope to be encouraged. You know what they say about a problem shared.
S is for STRESS
Counselors tell us to stay away from stress. I keep wondering what they are taking about. Have they seen the price of fuel lately? How can someone stay away from stress in this economy?! Well I say find adult ways of handling and managing stress. Bottom line you can’t afford to be stressed for long periods of time. The effects of it will take a toll on your health.
S is also for SPIRITUALITY
You need to be at a balance spiritually to be able to be happy and healthy. Everyone has their own thing that they do to reach this balance. Some people go to church or mosque or temple, others meditate and do yoga, others spend time taking walks in reflection, whatever it is that works for you.
T is for TREATMENT;
You will need various treatments through out your life. ARV’s prolong your life even though they aren’t really a cure.
U is for UNLIMITED
In this case; unlimited potential. We all have unlimited potential in us to accomplish anything in our lives. We just need to unlock the cabinet holding it in and soar!!
V is for VALUE
How much do you Value yourself? How much do you value the people in your life? How much do you value your own life? Answer these questions in reflection every time doubts check in. We need to have something we value so much to keep us going. For some people its self value. Yet for others it transcends beyond self to family, spouses and children
W is for WELLNESS
Wellness is defined as; the condition of good physical, mental and emotional health, especially when maintained by an appropriate diet, exercise, and other lifestyle modifications. This involves most of the things already talked about above.
Y is for YOU.
Do not even for one moment forget this is about you. Whatever sacrifices you make, the medications you have to pop in everyday, the gym workout sessions that you dread, whatever limits you push yourself to. Everything you do is for you. That’s the joy of it all.
Z is for ZEAL
Extreme enthusiasm for life is very important. It’s the only way you will manage A to Y!
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