Happy birthday to me!!

Sunday 20th November, is that time of the year again when; thanks to Facebook birthday alerts, the world shall know I’m turning a year older and I shall have lots of birthday wishes from my friends…even virtual ones and I get to marvel at how many birthday wishes I get lately. It’s like everyone is cheering you on to finish the Life race Damn!!

A couple of days before my birthday, I sit in reflection and think about life…my life, taking stock of things to be grateful for…the people who I owe lots of gratitude to and I say a little prayer. 5 years ago, I didn’t think I will be here happy and jovial and without sob stories or drama. So I will break the tradition of silent gratitude and prayer and write this little tribute to myself and to the people who in one way or another influence my life every day.

There is a time in everyone’s life when something happens and you are faced with a life and death reality and the choice to survive is solely placed in your hands. I got one or two of those, scary stuff at the time; real scary stuff judging from the number of people in my life I saw running for the hills. The aftermath of it, the confusion and trauma was immense. Then just like a bad dream I saw myself sink into a hole dug so deep with my falling esteem, allowed doctors, friends, boys, men, society, and everyone who thought I had a right to listen to them give me opinions, mostly about things I couldn’t or shouldn’t do or wouldn’t achieve no matter how much i tried because it would just be a waste of time. I believed them, it was the easiest thing to do that at the time.

At the bottom of that big hole, I found ‘peace’, safety, it was quiet, there were no judgmental people in there with their prejudices and judgmental remarks, down there, there were just people like me…looking to hide, dealing with sometimes far much bigger issues. Then there was family and friends who were resilient enough to come find me in there. In the midst of that silence, I was able to listen to myself, to find out who I really am, what I really want.

I found myself, with things so clear to me; I climbed out of the hole and soaked in the sunshine once again…illuminating the sun’s rays to touch people’s lives every day. It’s a blessing being ME, I love every moment of it. I know me, I know what I want, I don’t let people define that for me, I love me, it’s ridiculous how much I love me lately, Its reflected in how people love me, I have faith and belief for good everywhere. It’s a beautiful feeling.

Someone once said; “whatever you think about and thank about, you bring about” so since I want more of these people I must acknowledge that I didn’t get here on solitary efforts. so I want to show my gratitude to;…

To God; For being patient with me even as I walked around with so much hatred for you and many others; but mostly for making it all clear to me now ‘why it had to be me’. I asked you that question a lot and now, I have utmost gratitude that I was able to go through what I went through to be who I am in service to people who need your manifestations in the simplest of ways, even if its just a smile or a hug.

To my oldest friends: If we have been friends for 10 years and above, you fall in this category, To Doris, for always being there with laughter and advice that nudges me on and demands that I do not belittle myself, for knowing I need that doze of powerpuff and supplying it every day whether I ask for it or not. To Kantai, for being around and available; throughout the confusion, the drama and for celebrating little milestones with me consistently. To my sister Deby,….your list is long! Thanks so much for your wise counsel and being my best friend. sometimes i wonder if i actually changed your diapers or that was a clone!, To Faith; Kafei, this journey started with a blog you made me write…I wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t there giving me the ropes back then. To Ruth Olum, hmmm, for always showing up in times when I need you, to Joyce Musimbi, for holding my hands right from the first day and walking with me to my first appointment and making jokes to break the ice. To Rose Adem, for being my longest true friend. To Hill and Ham;for accepting me as i am, Thank you. To Brenda Ngwala, for giving me your family and home when I needed one, and showing me the value of true friendship. To Rose Jalang'o and Hellen my cousins, for the many occasions you have shared my laughter and tears.There are some friends that reached out and at the time I wasn’t too sure of who I was to even let them in, Nyasaka, Terry Obadha, Alice Nyange, Phoebe…and anyone else whose names I may have forgotten, thank you.

To my new friends; Those who have been friends with me in less than 10 years. This is the longest list. Majority of you came into my life and have assisted me a lot in finding who I am. Have listened to me talk too much, have influenced my life just by being you and have and continue to occasionally, bring the greatest of advices from which I have enriched my life. I am grateful for the parts of your life you share with me, the faith you have in me and my opinions in matters so personal to your life. To my ‘special’ buddies,(sisemi majina yenu) you know how much impact you have in my life as much as I have in yours and I am grateful everyday that your stories and your lives give me hope, life’s lessons and build me up. I won’t mention all of my new friends but to Mary for being there during my internship and afterwards, for always giving me a home when I am in Kisumu, and for your friendship, To Lenin, Lucyline and Linda, hehehe for many many memories both at work and afterwards however short the duration of this friendship, to Elizabeth, for holding my hand a lot in 08!, To Jacky wangui...long list.To M. Murenga, Margaret, Anne Wacuka, J.Wamboi,carol Mwangi, for your support both for work and beyond, To Catherine, for being an inspiration every day even as you make me your sounding board. To the Late Caro, For praying with me, and bringing me back to God, Vincent, for all the help with the car and all my silly ‘kurutu’ drama, Asante. To Moses, for being my accountability friend, for the dates and udaku at the Mutura place :-D, Mwamachi, for being resilient enough to break down all my 'barriers' to communication and being one of my best friends in 2011thanks so much for not giving up on me, S.Lagoh, for your counsel and biblical outlook to everything in life, thanks... To you Kevin, for sitting with me during the L sign days, for calling/emailing/talking to me every time about going forth and reaching my potential. Its always a blessing talking to you. To my counselor, Nancy,for being my mum and seeing through me. To Silas Njoroge, for being the first 'date' away from the bar in like forever and later being a good friend. Thank you for sharing your life, your storms and your recovery and joy for all the new beginnings..im glad I was a part of it all. To the ‘special’ guy taking me to the mountains on my birthday…….for being the certain proof that the Universe does hand down what anyone asks for. Thank you.

Obviously, this list is long, so to all of you; thanks so much for ensuring I have a big smile on my face. I turn a year older grateful and happy in the knowledge and wisdom that I have the best people in my corner.

Happy birthday to me!!