A to Z OF POSITIVE LIVING.

"They can conquer who believe they can. He has not learned the first lesson is life who does not every day surmount a fear." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometime in February my support group held its first meeting of the year. These meetings are always dear to our hearts seeing as all the members are professionals and are busy. Most of the time we only have to settle for programmed group chats or phone calls. We have always had a meeting at the beginning of the year to sort of ‘take stock of the year that was and chart course for the New Year’ in this meeting we share among other things the troubles of the just ended year maybe in all aspects of living with HIV or personal. Nothing is too shameful to discuss and for most people this is the only forum they get to talk about their HIV status and the challenges or strides they make as they haven’t disclosed to anyone. We get a guest speaker to talk to us and a counselor is always present to point out situations in which we need further emotional help.

This years meeting was special. We have had these kinds of meetings since our first in early 2008 with me moderating them. This year, as people walked into the room and we exchanged long hugs and pleasantries I noticed a big difference. The room was full of joy and laughter, bright faces, calm souls and confident men and women. You could pick out the new members just by walking in. In my eyes was unfolding the truth that my people have grown.
I have had the privilege to walk with all the members through the tough times, sometimes putting aside my own fears and bad moments because I know how much they look up to me and watching these people that day, I felt proud. Proud of me for being able to witness growth of these magnitude and proud of every one of the members of the group for walking through the tough times and getting to the various points in their lives they are at.

Testing HIV positive isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and no one wants to wake up and find they have to deal with it. However looking at the men and women in my support group and the strides they have made over the years; I see a remarkable ability by people of all walks of life to be able to live well and long productive years. This is so because they chose to live positively.

Let me walk you through the alphabet of what I think it means to live positively as some of us may perhaps have no clue.

A is for ACCEPTANCE
In this context, acceptance would be the point when one is able to look at themselves in the mirror and say “My name is …….and I am HIV positive” without a crease on their face because whoever they see on the mirror is a beautiful lady or handsome man with a lot of potential and good things in life going good for them. Different people get to this place differently. It shows a huge element of self love has been reached and is the key to effective positive living with HIV.

B is for BRAVE;
You need to be brave. Sure this news brings with it life changing decisions, sure you will lose your job or business due to illness or whatever, sure some people may not like you much and may walk away from you, others may judge you and yet other give you too much attention but believe me just like any ‘high tide moment’ in the ocean, this too will come to pass. You need to be brave enough to weather the tide.

C is for COMMITMENT;
Some one once said, “The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.”

You need to commit to working toward a long healthy life. You need to eat right, stay in good body and mind condition. At some point, one will need to take their ARV’s. You need to commit to taking these medications as instructed by the doctor. You need to commit to quitting that favorite beer or glass of wine; you have to commit to quit smoking or any of those sweet vices that may put your life in danger.
You need to commit to using a condom every time you have sexual intercourse and you need to see a doc every time you are sick. Commitment to a healthy life will reap its fruits for you.

D is for DISCLOSURE;
This is one of the hardest parts of living with HIV. Sadly thought its one of those things we can’t run away from much as we try to put it off. Eventually we will eventually have to tell someone. It could be your spouse or partner or friends or your siblings or parents or children or even you colleagues at work. In whatever you do, before you disclose, you need to think things through. Why do you tell, When to tell, who to tell, how to tell, what to tell and where to tell are some of the questions you need to answer to yourself before you tell. Remember the best time to tell is when you are ready. It’s your story to tell whenever and however you feel like.

E is for EMOTIONS
Lots of emotions will be felt with the news that one is HIV positive and through out your life. It’s been years for some of us but we still at one point or another feel sad or sorry for ourselves or even some anger once in a while. It’s okay to feel sad, to cry once in a while, to feel weak and scared and to seek help for it. Once you know this then you are better placed to deal with the punch of emotions. Feelings like despair, pain, rage, anger, depression are normal at one point or another. One needs to know how to manage their emotions and stay positive.


F is for FORGIVENESS
It’s human to always look for someone to blame for all the bad things that happen in our lives. Once we have, I think its best to let it go and forgive whoever it is we are blaming. You need to forgive whoever you think infected you. You also need to forgive yourself because all this self hatred and condemnation will just cause pain and nothing productive.
With the realization that one is HIV positive almost always launches a need in one to find out where they got it from. People will always look for someone to blame and then blame themselves as well. Along the lines of life with this virus, you may meet people who may treat you differently or may not want to be friends with you anymore. The best way to stay healthy is by not harboring any bad feelings towards yourself and towards people. Learn to forgive and if you can, forget.
F is also for FRIENDS; who you need to walk this path with you. Lose the bad ones and fake groupies, make new and meaningful ones and in a while it will all be worth the pain.


G is for GOALS
Set goals, small ones, short ones…then big ones and crazy ones. A friend from the group and I are thinking of bungee jumping before the end of this year. Okay a few years back I didn’t think past setting goals that didn’t involve HIV. Now? I just have fun making the most of what I have and seeking to achieve the best that I can be. At first it’s hard to believe that one can be able to go through the hurdles of living with HIV. Make small goals, for example, aim to increase the number of your CD4 cells through good nutrition, or cut down on the alcohol intake or if you’re smoking, stop smoking. With time you will get to a point where you realize all your goals-even the ones that have nothing to do with this condition- can be achieved because living positively enables you live well for a long time.

H is for HOSPITAL
You will need to visit this place at least twice a year and listen very carefully to what everyone who works there tells you to do. The CD4 and Liver function tests are important. Do not miss to take them. Treat any ailment you have from the hospital. Its one of the most important things to note. Other people can self medicate if they want but not you. Even something as small as a cold could manifest itself into a serious chest infection if not taken seriously. The Hospital is going to be part of your life, make the most of it!

I is for INFORMATION;
Get all the information you can lay your hands on about this condition. We exist in a technologically savvy environment and can be able to access information from the net. Keep reading about emerging trends. Share the information you have with your loved ones or the people you have disclosed to. They need the information to know how well to manage you in this condition.

J is for JUNE&JULY
If you live in Nairobi Kenya, then you probably know these months are the coldest in the year. Care should be taken during these months, especially in July. Forget the fashion, it doesn’t matter if you are dressed in all the rainbow colors; Dress warm, eat nutritious foods, take your vitamins and treat any chest and upper respiratory ailments as they come up. This is because lots of respiratory ailments like pneumonia and TB are rampant at this time.

K is for KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge is power they say. Get to know through every means necessary anything and everything you can about HIV&AIDS. The more you know the better you are at knowing how well to manage your condition.

L is for LIFE; LOVE; AND LAUGHTER!
Life is short. I have watched enough of my friends die and with everyday I’m grateful for life and chose to make the most out of my days. You should too. Once you are done crying and feeling sorry for yourself that is. Don’t be afraid to reach out for the stars; to expand your horizons defy all odds to reach your potential. Love lives, love people, love YOU! From the mole on your face to the big tummy you have as a result of the ARV’s you are taking. Love yourself without dwelling on all your shortcomings and focusing on all the good things. This is the only true blessing you could ever give yourself. Besides, how can people love you if you don’t love yourself? Laughter is food for the soul so be sure to feed your soul on platefuls and bowlfuls of it. Those who laugh a lot live longer!

M is for MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING (MOU)
This seems to work with a lot of PLHIV. Someone once shared with my group that at some point ‘he sat down with his virus and had a talk it’ in which some ground rules were laid. The virus was to ensure that he doesn’t strike his immune system in manners that would kill him as they would both die in the process. He would ensure that he eats well and maintained a good healthy body. That way they both had an MOU to coexist in his body. This may sound silly but I think that’s the point at which he made a conscious decision to live positively. He has lived with the virus for close to two decades now.

N is for NUTRITION
Nutrition is key in maintaining a good immune system. Eat a well balanced diet, eat the right foods as advised by the nutritionist or doctor, and avoid cholesterol and toxins. Drink lots of water and you will be fine.

O is for OPPORTUNISTIC INFECTIONS;
An opportunistic infection is an infection caused by pathogens (bacterial, viral, fungal or protozoan) that usually do not cause disease in a healthy host, i.e. one with a healthy immune system. A compromised immune system, however, presents an "opportunity" for the pathogen to infect. These will tend to keep creeping up on you once in a while. Eat well, build up your immune system, start your ARV’s when the Doctor suggests that you do so and see a doctor every time you are sick so they can be detected and treated in time.

P is for PROTECT and PREVENT
Protect the people you love from infection. You may have to disclose to your potential sexual partners about your status hard as it may be. Do everything humanly possible to ensure you don’t infect someone else with the virus as this wont work well for your conscience. Prevent new infections and secondary ones as well. Use condoms at all times even with a HIV positive partner. In case you want to have a baby, do as instructed by the doctors to ensure your baby is not infected during pregnancy or early childhood days.

Q is for QUALITY OF LIFE
What quality of life are you living? Do you eat well, are you clean? Are you living a life of full potential or are you playing victim? Some people use the fact that they have HIV to live lives that are pathetic. This condition doesn’t make you any less productive. Sure you need a few months or years to deal with the blow but you need get up and dust yourself up and walk. It’s all in your head and will power. Living with this disease is not synonymous with failure as people have been made to think.

R is for RESPONSIBILITY
How well and best you live with this virus in your system is your responsibility. Regardless of what happened before, you are now solely responsible for your life. Do as the doctor says, star away from stressful situation, and make life choices and decisions that would make it possible for you to live a long healthy life.

S is for SHARE or SUPPORT SYSTEM
You can not do this alone. No one can. So get yourself a support system in whatever way you can. It could be a family member; support groups like ours, your religious leader anyone to whom you can lay out your fears and hope to be encouraged. You know what they say about a problem shared.
S is for STRESS
Counselors tell us to stay away from stress. I keep wondering what they are taking about. Have they seen the price of fuel lately? How can someone stay away from stress in this economy?! Well I say find adult ways of handling and managing stress. Bottom line you can’t afford to be stressed for long periods of time. The effects of it will take a toll on your health.
S is also for SPIRITUALITY
You need to be at a balance spiritually to be able to be happy and healthy. Everyone has their own thing that they do to reach this balance. Some people go to church or mosque or temple, others meditate and do yoga, others spend time taking walks in reflection, whatever it is that works for you.

T is for TREATMENT;
You will need various treatments through out your life. ARV’s prolong your life even though they aren’t really a cure.

U is for UNLIMITED
In this case; unlimited potential. We all have unlimited potential in us to accomplish anything in our lives. We just need to unlock the cabinet holding it in and soar!!

V is for VALUE
How much do you Value yourself? How much do you value the people in your life? How much do you value your own life? Answer these questions in reflection every time doubts check in. We need to have something we value so much to keep us going. For some people its self value. Yet for others it transcends beyond self to family, spouses and children

W is for WELLNESS
Wellness is defined as; the condition of good physical, mental and emotional health, especially when maintained by an appropriate diet, exercise, and other lifestyle modifications. This involves most of the things already talked about above.

Y is for YOU.
Do not even for one moment forget this is about you. Whatever sacrifices you make, the medications you have to pop in everyday, the gym workout sessions that you dread, whatever limits you push yourself to. Everything you do is for you. That’s the joy of it all.

Z is for ZEAL
Extreme enthusiasm for life is very important. It’s the only way you will manage A to Y!