FACE OF HIV

Last week I was in class with a bunch of nurses and medical practitioners. I am pursuing a diploma course on HIV&AIDS management.

This short course is for managers and it is meant to build their capacities to enable them design Home based care (HBC) programs for their hospitals and health facilities. It is a nine week on job training.

I complained of boredom the whole week. Every one in this class was older than I am, happily married with children and didn’t seem to understand why I am a single mum.
“You say you have a son?” one woman asked me during breaks. “Yeah, he turns nine sometime this week.” I proudly reply.
“So what have you been doing all this time?” she asks and I blankly look at her
“How come you are not married all this time?” She insists.
“Because I have been doing what people my age do; play around.” I reply and wait for the shock on her face.

I missed my office and I missed open minded company so much I was glad we got to the end of the week. During our lesson on human rights, we are told that every person(HIV+/-) has a right to marry and found a family. And it has to be in that order. I question whether this is the ideal anymore. Everyone looks at me like i landed from soddom. Seriously seeing as most of HIV infections take plave through "non ideal situation" i think its would be detrimental to bury our heads in the sand.

You see I was in class with people who still viewed HIV as something very far away from their door step. My first day in this class was so emotional I almost walked out, only one person in class knew of my HIV+ status so actually felt whatever it is I was going through listening to these guys answer questions and make comments.

There is always that rule in these classes that ensures we respect each others opinion; this made me shut my mouth. Last week however I must have protested so much I think stepped on a lot of toes.

As we covered the topic on Stigma and discrimination, our tutor maybe trying to emphasize her point on how people sometimes discriminate PLHIV without their knowledge asked us a question.
“Who amongst you would employ a HIV+ house help?” she asked.

One woman carries up her hand, and tells us she wouldn’t mind but she heard from someone that there was this woman who employed a self confessed HIV+ house help. Apparently this girl would cook the family meal and put her period in it. At this point I go like…What?
Before I could recover from that, someone else carries up their hand and wants to share her experience. She was looking for a house help and told everyone in her office. Her colleague introduces her to one of their clients who is HIV+. She interviews the girl and she is okay for the job.
She feels it’s necessary to inform her husband and so calls him.
“I called my husband and told him I already found a good girl, the only problem is that she is HIV+.” Her husband totally refuses to hire this girl.

That did it for me. I had my hand up and gave a very emotional reaction to those two women’s contribution. I actually felt myself trembling with rage.
Did these people know they were talking about people with feelings and emotions? Or once you are HIV+ its okay for people to hand down whatever judgment they saw fit about how safe you are as a person living in their houses.

I thought of Susan, the girl in my Support group whose brother stopped paying her college fees because according to him, she wasn’t going to live long enough to reap from her college education. Weren’t those situations similar to some extent?

These women work in Comprehensive Care Center (Centers in hospital that are specific for HIV&AIDS treatment and management).
I asked whether they knew the modes of transmission of HIV and if they knew, that cooked period was harmless. I mean if all of us were to find out what it is our house helps put in our food we’d collapse.
Seriously most of these young girls are overworked and treated so bad I wouldn’t be surprised if they spit on every meal they cook.

Someone interjects and gives her story,
“I heard of this one house girl whose employer looked through her phone and found nude photos of her on her bed.”
I was mortified. “How come it’s okay for people to take nude photos but a serious health and moral threat for a HIV+ person to do It.?” I ask.
Is it a bad thing to take nude photos? Or does it become bad when a HIV+ person does it. Does ones HIV+ status define them or their character?
First and foremost that was invasion of privacy, that woman had no right to go through this girl’s phone or judge her.
I also don’t advocate for people living with HIV to be given jobs out of pity but because they are competent for the jobs and deserve the chance to prove it.

After class one woman comes to me and compliments me for the passion I have for people living with HIV. She talks to me for about five minutes and I realize this woman has no idea that I am HIV+. She goes on and on about how much she would like to be passionate about issues of HIV&AIDS as much as she is –ve and wonders what would help. I was speechless.
Funny thing though, through out my arguments I kept using myself as a point of reference, I used a lot of “As a person living with HIV I think this or that,” or “We don’t need pity we need space.” And all this time no one ever thought that I was HIV+.

Towards the end of the week I figured out why. People still think they can pick out the “HIV look”. I don’t have the look so I am okay.
Its sad really that with all the awareness programs in place, people still expect HIV+ people to have a distinctive look, and live in some social class setting and not to be bright enough to articulate issues.
It’s mortifying when these people are health practitioners. This thought makes a lot of us be so complacent.

One thing is for sure, if we are to get this message across then we need to double up our efforts. People need to know these truths. That There is no ‘face of HIV’ and HIV doesn’t define anyone.