BOY ISSUES

Looks like December was the month of Boy issues. I am beginning to understand why Valentines Day falls in February. Boys fuck up in Dec, they are too broke to apologize in January so they buy all the stuff draped in red that’s sold during this crazy day….they have a lot of making up to do.

This month I have listened to various stories of men going AWOL on their wives and girlfriends. Like some bad karma, everyone who wanted to hang out this holiday season had their share of whining to do.

I have just spent the last four hours with my friend Liz. Her boyfriend can’t stop drinking and dangerously driving. He forces her to sit in his car without having her seat belt on; he calls her every hour just to confirm she isn’t with another man, he disrespects her when he is with his friends and keeps going on and on about how she is a corporate woman who has no time for him. Liz is fed up and wants out; she however can’t stand the fact that she will be alone.

“I love him so much.” she moans

“Then why are you dumping him?” I ask surprised

“We are not good for each other, he will kill me.” She explains.

I don’t pretend to understand any of that because sorting men and women issues isn’t really my strong point.

My colleague Trish, shared with me once while we were having a drink just before Christmas,

“I hate him so much I wish he could just get sick and die.” She said of her husband. They are both HIV+.
“The other day he had a cough and I kept wishing it was TB and he would die.” She confessed.

I was mortified. All the alcohol in my system didn’t seem to help. I kept thinking to myself she will kill him. Isn’t that one of the classic movie plots?

Apparently her husband has been drinking too much and embarrassing her.

“As we speak I don’t know how we will pay the rent we have so many debts I don’t even have friends anymore.” She says

That coupled with her husbands insecurities makes Trish wish she wasn’t married to him in the first place.

“How does it feel like sharing a bed with someone you wish dead?” I ask

“You don’t want to know.” She replies smiling. And I totally agree.

During a lunch meet up for the girls in my support group the following day, Denise the only other married girl seemed to ‘feel’ her.

I feel you sister, my husband……” and she gave us her version of how annoying her husband is and how they weren’t even talking to each other at the time.

“I seriously need to get a boyfriend.” Trish says to me and asks that I hook her up. Denise affirms that she feels her and asks us to help.

I don’t really want to be involved so I just smile as the girls offer their advice on where she could find a guy.

“Why get married?” I ask and this sparks a long discussion on how useless and sometimes useful men can be.

My cousin walked out of a four year marriage at the end of last year. Her husband brought women into their house when she was at work or out of town. She couldn’t take it anymore and moved out of town. She got a new job and all seemed to be going on well…or so i thought.

She met another guy who swept her off her feet and clearly her mind too. He suggested a business idea maybe at the heat of the moment.

“I was thinking in terms of the future.” She explains when I ask if she was insane.
I honestly don’t understand how one walks out of a marriage and gets into a serious relationship where the future is a subject of fantasy just a couple of months later. What happened to rebounds and casual sex as one heals? Aaaargh!

Well my cousin took a hefty loan and bought a very nice posh car. A car she can’t even drive because…she doesn’t know how to. She handed it over to the guy to run a car hire business with it.

She hasn’t received any of the monthly payments promised to her since May and seems to accept whatever reasons her ‘man’ gave her. That was until she got an anonymous text message on the morning of Christmas eve.

“I know it’s none of my business but do you know where your car is?” read the text.

“I almost dismissed it as one of those texts from one of his jealous exs,” she confides.

Coincidentally the guy was right beside her in bed so she sought answers from him and wasn’t prepared for the confession.

Apparently the car was impounded in June by some guy because of a 200 thousand debt.

“I know this is painful but just fix it, get some money and pay this guy so you get your car back.” I advise after listening to her go on and on for a while.

She has her car back, and will have to go through a number of months broke to fix her financial mess. I hope she will take sometime off and fix her heart too.

I don’t really know much about how to deal with men and what to do when they are behaving badly. I just know there are some clear-cut boundaries I have promised myself I wouldn’t cross at all.

What I am left wondering every time I see off all these girls is what the point is. I read enough emails from women who would do anything to have a warm body sleeping next to theirs at night. They plead and beg for hook ups.

“It’s okay even if the guy isn’t working; I have enough money for both of us.” Some woman emailed me once.

If they had a chance to listen to these disappointed sisters, wouldn’t they feel relieved…even by an inch, I know I am. What’s the point of getting pregnant with a guy you know very well is shady and you are just screwing to fill in after work hours, what’s the point of getting married to him and then getting irritated when he doesn’t fit in your social life? What’s the point of staying married to him when every night you pray that God grants you a miracle and takes his life? What’s the point really, I would love to know.

Gladly the festive season has come to an end and I bet the girls will have to deal with their husbands trotting back home; tails between their legs, broke as hell and promising to stay home not because they want to but because they are too broke.

Marriage and relationships suck I guess, butthere has to be a reason why these women stay right? There are definitely some good points.
Like there is someone to talk to at the end of the day, throw tantrums at and share bills with. Then there is the assurance of sex whenever you are horny….. There is a point to all this after all.