LETTING GO.

At what point does one let go of all the negative things in their lives and embrace the positive? I ask myself that question every time I meet people who ask for my advice on the various issues affecting them.

Take Jane for instance, she met the guy of her dreams four years ago. They already had wedding plans going on before she discovered she was pregnant and a couple of months later during her antenatal clinic tested positive for HIV.

As soon as her fiancée found out she was HIV positive, he gave her 20,000 bob to abort the foetus and she never heard from him again. Jane carried the pregnancy to term and gave birth to a handsome boy. Jane later lost her job because her boss had found out she was positive.
That’s when she and I met; I was a month old in my office and she had come to cry. Well she did cry and also got milk for her baby after we enrolled her in our program.
A year later, Jane decided to clean up her house and throw away her ex-boyfriends stuff and to her dismay, found clinic papers and receipts from Mbagathi hospital. The papers belonged to her ex and his girlfriend before Jane. And they were dated two months before she and this guy met.

She was crushed when we met that day.
“I will kill him if I set my eyes on him.” She confessed
I was too shocked to say much. I couldn’t believe someone would do something like that….well at the time.
I helped her get counseling to calm her down, but I guess she was angry for a long time. She confronted the guy in the presence of his family and threatened to sue him. Her drama did pay off because she had child support so she was fine.

Jane came to see me sometime last week.
“I need someone to talk to and I don’t have any friend.” She said as she got into my office.
“You are welcome, so what up?” I ask
“I moved in with baba Jeremy.” She starts and I can’t hold my surprise.
“You did what?” I ask
“Its not that I love him or anything like that but I have no choice, I have nowhere to go.” She tries to explain
“Where is Jeremy?” I ask concerned
“He is at home with my mum.” She replies looking relieved.
“So tell me again why you needed to go back to this guy if your son is home?” I ask
This starts a long list of excuses I really don’t agree with. Jane has no job and she had a fight with her auntie so she walked out of her house and went to her ex’s.
“Do you guys have sex? I ask concerned
“Yeah we do.” She replies
“But its not like I enjoy anything, I just do it because I have nowhere to go.” She tries to explain
“Do you use a condom seeing as your guy can’t keep his pants up?” I ask
“Sometimes we don’t, infact I want you to help me see a doc I think I have yeast infection.” She confides.

At this point I almost want to wring her neck myself.
“Jane, are you sure you had no choice other than to go to back to him? Where are your friends? Why didn’t you call any of us?” I ask
“I wish you were back in this guy’s bed because you enjoyed the sex, not because you told yourself you had no other choice.
I of course start a long lecture about everything in life being about choices and then took her to see the doc.

Jane called me at 2pm yesterday; she had been hit by the ex/current guy because she threw tantrums after finding out the guy has another kid who is about four years old.
“You need to know when to let go and move on.” I said as I tried to calm her down. She moved back to her auntie’s yesterday apologetic and stuff.

I keep wondering how many of us hold on to pain, anger, relationships that are doomed, jobs that don’t bring any satisfaction our way but are unwilling to let go? We throw blame at the people we believe gave us HIV and forget we had a part to play in this too. We look for ways to cause them pain but as soon as we do, we realize it’s not worth it.
Or cling to that abusive relationship, or take bullshit from people because we believe we have no other choice. We make excuses like,
“I am in this marriage for the sake of the children.”
“He or she will be destroyed is I left” or
“He/she has to pay for causing me all this pain.”

Sometimes we are too afraid to find out how life would be like if we tried something different, are scared of our own potential; or let people tell us we didn’t have the potential to be anything without them.

I think we ought to realize there are things worth pursuing and those that are better dropped as soon as they stop giving us joy and peace. I came across this sermon by TD Jakes which I believe sums up all I needed to say to Jane or anyone in her shoes.

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you: let them walk.


I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.


When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you,
you can't make them stay.
Let them go.


And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person,
it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's
part in your story is over so that you
don't keep trying to raise the dead.


You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something.
I've got the gift of good-bye.
It's the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye.


It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful,
and I know whatever God means for me to have
He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!


If you are holding on to something
that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...
LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents ..
LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...
LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
level in Him...
LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....
LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves..
LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....
LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...
LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past.
Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for you !!!
LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then
LET IT GO!!!