MY EX, The gossip

I have just gone through todays paper.

Today however, iam not jazzed by my column. On page 12-the daily gossip- is a story about Toxic and her lost love.

Normally, the first thing i do is turn to page 14, i cant wait to read my story. Something caught my attention in the 'daily gossip'. the story about 'Toxic and her lost love.' You can imagine my shock at realising the guy being talked about is my EX!
Apparently he has been dating Toxic for 5 months and has been pleading with the girl to declare their love to the world. She chooses Nairobi star to say it and when the reporters call the guy to find if its true, he denies going out with her. Reason? he is actually living with some chick with whom they have a baby.

The juicy part; he is an aspiring ODM member of parliament. The shock wore off to be replaced my bouts of laughter and gigles.

People go through breakups, but there is always that one break up that changes you completely. I havent dated eversince i broke up with this guy in 2003. I discovered the safety of casual sex and learnt how to detach myself from people and from mushy and touchy situations. I came up with my countless list of 'things not to do with/for men.'

Don't blame me but this guy hurt me so bad i had on record a weight of 30kgs! Considering a year later i had HIV issues to deal with, i sort of forgot he existed.
Every woman will also confess to you that we get alot of satisfaction in finding out our ex's aren't having a good day.

To wake up today and read this makes my day. seriously it does.
Pray the guy doesnt get to page 14. thats where my column is. I'd give up alcohol for a month to see his face!

CONFESSION.

I have just read my story on today's(Tuesday) Nairobi star and as usual iam teary. Okay i know this sounds weird. i write the stories, but when i read the paper, its like someone else wrote this and iam reading it just like you.


Yesterday i walked into an office full of women exchanging- wait for this- "how i lost my virginity stories". Interesting believe me. Iam talking women in the age of 35 onwards. I was so interested one because some of them are my bosses, and because sex is my favourite topic of discussion...-iam Luo;enuf said.

I wont even repeat these stories in detail; but the killer one was for this mama who had it for the first time at age 10 behind their hao with the shamba boy. She says she enjoyed it; Oh and so as not to get pregnant, they would wash their 'you know what' with salt and lemon.i dont know how much of that is really true.

This i want to try; i havent been to a cofffe plantation; iam told there are terraces of coffee and sex on them is heaven. So i will find me a man and go for an expedition in Muranga! ha.

See the thing about women is we can fit in any age group and still find the same topic okay to talk about. And to think these people talk 'Watoto wa sikuhizi...' lines. crazy.

I didnt make give my story though. I wouldnt match these people even if i tried. So Y'all get to hear my 'How i lost my virginity.' confession. I must warn you though, my own mum didnt believe this.

Okay i was 18 and verrrrrrrrrrrrry naive. I was fat and cut my hair short. My sister(she is a year younger)was the primadonna. Pretty and a favourite with the boys. No guy even saw my existance. so i would sit in my room, read romance novels and fantasize. Then Romeo comes along and picks me over my sister.She was so mad she didnt talk to me for months! Suddenly i want to look okay for Romeo.Okay isnt even the word, I want to look hot. Which i did in a couple of months.My mum couldn't believe how fast i lost weight.

Romeo& i go out for about a year but i see him in between school holidays. if i manage to sneak out of home. (i was in boarding school)
Then i maliza my form4 i have mioto's.The last day of school, I make a detour to my handsome romeo's home. My parents won't even notice if i get home a few minutes late. Its my sister they are worried about.

Romeo is excited to see me. We missed each other. I on the other hand want my fantasies comming true. We head straight for his room to make out. So we kiss and do stuff and before i know it my pants are off. Si i start the 'no to mean yes' moan. Here's the killer guys- before i could say 'take me,' Romeo was done! I mean the guy didnt even go in! I remember lying there and wondering "thats not what the books say its supposed to feel." I was 'in love'! how can it not feel right?
Then Romeo is up telling me that he is sorry, and that this only happened because iam too preety and sweet-it worked then- But now, Please! I had to run home because it was getting late and i didnt want my parents asking where i had gone to. He promises me it will be heaven next time.

There was no next time. I was pregnant and dumped by week 2!
So whats yo' story?

OCTOBER 2ND

This is one day i dont really want to forget ever. Alot happened on this day. Most of it positive.

I had just come back from TZ to find a very big pile of work on my desk on Monday Morning. Iam way past the deadline on alot of stuff so i plan to have a busy day;or week.

I check my mail and... i have mail from 'Alehandro' look alike and from 'Mr. romantic german.'
The German as expected wrote a long mail pouring out his heart and feelings. Boring. Honestly i hate it when i can be able to figure out a guy in about 5min. (Barney's lemon law) Most of the time iam always right.

Alehandro sent me a very short message but it got me smiling;and cursing at my periods the whole day. You see if i didnt have them, then me and this guy would have done more than high school makeouts.

Fast forward to Tuesday 2nd. I get to work, i plan to finish my stories for our office newsletter. I get a promotion and pay rise. Awesome. i dont even get time to be happy, there is so much to do.
By evening iam tired. As we leave the office, iam faced with the hostility that comes with rising up the ladder too fast. most of the guys here arent happy with me and cant even hide it. For a moment i feel so alone.

I really cant understand why they arent happy for me. They know where i came from,they have seen me work so hard to get to where iam right now. iam almost teary.

I call fai and ask her to come over for "The Monday drink." I honestly could do with a drink but i cant take any alcohol because i have my clinic visit on Wednesday.
I get home, hakuna stima,so i go to this swahili shop to eat bajias; and wait for fai

Fai gets here and i dont even say hie, i start crying; in the middle of the road. She is shocked. I dont cry much. not these days. We go to our joint and have this very short talk about it.

Five minutes later iam as good as new. Filling her in on my Tanzanian men and all. She decides to stay over and we choma nyama for supper. I call my sis and ask her to join us there after work.

9 p.m I get a call from my friend in Kisumu. He sounds excited. He is reading my story. "What story ?" i ask surprised.
You should have heard me scream at the end of that call.

Nairobi star finally published the first page of my diary. I was so happy i couldnt eat. Honestly i didnt even sleep well.
On this day i got two things i had been slaving for patiently for five months. Its like finally seeing the light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Exciting!

So y'all reading this in Kenya, please buy tomorrows Nairobi star. If you are able to, email your comment or call them(Nairobi star). Its good for my rating.

MAKING A COMEBACK?

I have just completed this workshop in TZ. the friends i have made here and i are about to go see as much of this place as possible. Thought to take sometime to give updates to a certain someone.

I dont have to write a book or do a movie to get my grove back.Its been with me all along!

So i have been flirting with this cute masculine guy who is one of the facilitators at this workshop-i thought he was just some facilitator. Then there is this German facilitator who has an immense crush on me. Iam touched that he finds me attractive but iam not ready for what he wants.You know the ones who say forever after every date and expect the "halleluya chorus" after they kiss you.He took my some girls and i out for drinks and Bongo. I dont feel him though so i try to ignore him but he is all over! Suddenly iam caught up in the "gal in the middle of two guys in the same office." situation

But a girls got to do what a girl's got to do, I decided to go with the masculine 'Alehandro' look alike. I tell him iam HIV positive. he says fine. He asks me to go for a walk in the monlight. Not my kind of thing but i say yes. We take this walk and i kiss him good. I check(yes fai i checked) if "everything is adequately okay." and invite him to Nairobi.
He gives me his card and i almost fall. He is the CEO!

Going to his room now, he just called me.........and i thought i was getting old! ha!

SEEKING MY GROOVE

I aint Stella and i aint 40 years or so yet, but i may as well be. Just realised what a hermit i have been in the past six months. I dont have boy stories to share with my Gals. I almost don't have stories to tell anymore. Well unless they are about work of course. How boring can i get!

I had a long chat with my friend yesterday and it hit me, I havent done anything fun in almost 7 months! No date,no excursion,no crazy stuff, no bootycall;nothing. I haven't talked to some of my friends for so long they dont like me anymore. Would you believe me when i say my actions wreren't intentional.My excuse? i have been busy working. I'm i growing old? I dont want to grow old,not now.

I want the vibrant gal back. I want to meet my friends more often, i want to work less, not talk about work after work. I want to have mad,passionate,slow, crazy consistent sex. And i want to do something crazy like......well i will figure that out in a bit. Oh! i just may kiss this chick who wants to make out with me. So crazy checks off.
Bottom line? i want my groove back!

Monday blues!

Monday is suposed to be boring and full of stress, most of the times it is. My best part of Mondays is having drinks with my friend She',my siz Debs and sometimes Faith. We get to go to this weird joint, we bring our music because its a home pub and we dont want to get Bored! The best part is the booze! The place has sminorf ice at 75/=! Oh and there is Viceroy for Faith. I wont even say how much that costs......

So yesterday was my 3rd anniversarry and i call up Faith and tell her its my birthday. After arguing with me ati coz i'm just looking for an excuse to drink we hook up at this joint! "its a celebration of life;my life" so to that we drunk till about midnight.
She' reckons, "Pombe ya Monday ni tamu." maybe she is right!

I AIN'T A SAINT

Growing up I can say I had a lot in life,
Loving parents, annoying teachers, wonderful siblings, annoying neighbours,
Some thought me good, some thought me spoilt
A variety of good and painful memories are mixed up in my head,
Hell, I know I was never a saint!

At eighteen I had what others called my first biggest fall,
And brought into this world a bouncing baby boy,
After sleepless nights of deciding whether he deserved to live or not.
But now I look at my boy and see no fall,
I see a blessing,
Whoever said I was a saint?

Come college life and I was there in full,
Having my fun and enjoying my age,
I was a mother,
But I was also in my twenties,
Some things in an age you just have to do,
I can never say I regret it,
But I never said I was a saint, did I?

Finally, out in the world at last,
Responsibilities calling harder and maturity finally settling in
I look back but don't regret a thing,
All my experiences made me who I am!
And I sure didn't turn out a saint!

Less than half an hour,
That’s the time it took to rock my world,
And send it in a spin that took what looked like forever to stop
I am HIV positive,
Is this the end?
Who to break the news to?
Family first, at least the ones I trust,
And the ones that are stronger,
Friends next, and watch most disappear, leaving me in the shadows,
And I would have stayed there longer too, if it hadn't been for other friends,
And of course, Family!

Now it’s out in the open,
Not just for my family and friends,
But for the whole world to see,
Losing more friends and family this time
I am sorry if it embarrasses you,
To let others know you are associated with me,
But I have to think about me too,