MUMMY WHERE IS DADDY.

Every single mother dreads when their children will grow up and ask this question. I am no different.
I have seen my son transition from the young innocent baby who didn’t even know what it means to have a father to a now much grown, smart little guy who knows he deserves explanations on where his father is.
“Mummy how come I don’t have a father?” he asked me one evening when I got home from work. I was shocked, didn’t know what to say for a moment and almost gave my signature answer to all the questions I don’t want to answer

I decided to be honest with him. I have been honest with my son since he came home to me at the beginning of this year; we talk about everything, from HIV, to girls, to the little hairs on his penis. I didn’t want to lie, lose his trust.
“You have a father sweetie,” I try to explain
“Where is he?” he asks
I explain a little about how all babies have mummies and daddies and that I had him when I was very young and in school so his dad and I couldn’t get married. I then tell him that a couple of years later I found out that his dad had passed away.
“You don’t have to feel sad though, he never even saw you.” I say.
“Okay.” He replies without any feelings.
“Can you get me another daddy?” he goes on
“What?” I ask shocked.
“You can find me another daddy can’t you?” he persists.

At this point I have nothing to say. I have been putting off relationships and men from my mind for longer than I can imagine. I just assumed things would stay that way. Most of my time is spent at work or doing stuff to try and pay all my bills and ensure my son and sisters have the best of what they need. Men and daddies don’t quite feature in my plans.

“Why would you want me to look for a dad?” I ask
“Because he will buy me stuff.” He answers after a while
“What stuff would he buy for you that I wouldn’t?” I ask puzzled. He smiles.
I remind him that I buy him everything that he asks me to, well those that make sense for me to buy. I pay all his fees so he doesn’t get asked to go home from school.
“You are the best mummy, other people have dads and mums but they don’t even pay all their fees.” He says and runs off to go play.

I hope this rests for now. I keep having nightmares that my son will get to class four and be asked by his teacher to write a composition titled “tell us about your father.” He would not be able to do his class work and probably throw tantrums. I don’t know how I will deal with that but in the mean time, I’m just going to love him like crazy and hope he is happy and content with that.