WORLD AIDS DAY 2011

December 1st the world marks World AIDS day. The theme for World AIDS Day 2011 is “Getting to Zero”. After almost three decades of numerous programs and strategies to deal with HIV/AIDS pandemic, this year the global Community has committed to focusing on achieving three main targets; Zero New HIV Infections, Zero Discrimination and Zero AIDS-related Deaths.”

World AIDS Day provides an opportunity for all of us - individuals, communities and political leaders - to take on the challenge of getting to zero. In reflecting on the three targets there is so much we can do as individuals to enable the goal of Getting to Zero.

Mother Teresa once said, “we cannot all do great things,but we can do small things but with great love”. It’s my belief that as we Mark World AIDS day, we can all begin to reflect on what things we can do to contribute towards making our country and this world achieve its milestones in strategies towards Prevention, Treatment and management of HIV/AIDS.



In no particular order, here are 5 things you can do;

TALK/COMMUNICATE; when I was young, there was a song by Salt N Pepper, “Lets talk about Sex”. Yeah.... you tube it if you weren’t born by then. Anyway, In the spirit of that song, we have to talk about sex if we are to achieve Zero New HIV infections. Lets talk to our friends, our neighbors, anyone in need of information, anyone in need of help. Lets talk about HIV. What it is, how it is transmitted, how to prevent it, what treatment options are available and where we can get it. Lets talk and make people informed about HIV/AIDS. On a more personal level, lets communicate to the people we live with and care about. The people we call family. Talk to your spouse’s/partners, Really, stop talking to the women in your chama or the men in your drinking group or the radio for pits sake and communicate to your spouse’s/partners. At the end of the day, they are the ones you go home to and expect to fix your little problems sexual or otherwise.

Talk about seeking HIV and other STI prevention strategies, Talk about the responsibilities in your relationships and commitment to each other. If We get good at talking to our spouses, then maybe we won’t seek short term solutions to our problems and maybe…just maybe, Jimmy Gathu and his calculator will vacate our TV’s and let us be.

Talk to your children. In this age and time, it is very detrimental to avoid talking to your children however young they may be. The world tells your children a lot of nasty things, you need to communicate your values, your thoughts and give direction on what is wrong and what’s right. Granted they may not always think you are right but believe me, they will use some of the thoughts and advice shared a lot when they are all grown up. Talk to your children in honesty and as consistently as you can. Talk to them about their body parts, what should be touched at what time and by whom. Statistics the world over show that majority of children are sexually molested by people they know and care about; relatives, teacher’s et al. I couldn’t stress this enough; Talk to your children.


GET TESTED; the only way to know if one is not infected is to get tested. The only way to know you are not transmitting the virus to your spouse/sexual partner/child/complicated relationship/one night stand or whatever it is you prefer to call them is if you are sure of your HIV status. Anyone who is sexually active needs to test for HIV at least twice a year…make it a habit and this is not one of those habits you regret making. Making it a part of your life rubs off on the people around you and before you know it, they are getting tested too. It’s free in this country so no excuses. Get tested.

'CONDOMISE'; Okay seriously I’m trying not to be judgmental here but you would think this is rocket science by now? Well it isn’t. judging by the number of unwanted pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Incidences, Many of us are singing in this choir but very few are actually using protection. Use a condom if you are getting in the sack with anyone whose HIV or STI status you are unaware of. Use a condom if you are not ready to be a mum or dad and do not want the children’s department summoning you for child support. One of the key ways to prevent new infections is correct and consistent use of condoms. Which are provided free in government clinics or which are sold at a very subsidized price. It’s a small cost to pay if we are to achieve some aspect of Zero New infection.

CHANGE; attitude and behavior; both yours and the people around you. Change your attitude about HIV/AIDS, your attitude about people living with HIV, Your attitude about your life with HIV, and hopefully change your friends/neighbors/peers attitude in whatever way you can. Change your risk accelerating behaviors if any, change your friends if need be, Get support systems that will enable you to make good changes in your life. This rubs off on people and before you know it, they are changing too…or leaving you alone. Change is inevitable; you just need to ensure yours is positive.

LOVE; Yourself and your neighbors. If you love yourself, you will take care of yourself, you will instill values on you that show and exude self love. Those who love themselves do not judge or discriminate other people; they show love and direction to those who need it. Those who love themselves are assured of their potential and that of their support system to constantly seek what is right for them and their family. Love yourself; love yourself enough to know your HIV status. If you are HIV negative, love yourself enough to stay that way. If you are HIV positive, love yourself enough to want to live a positive productive life. Seek help if you need it, take your 'meds' as the doctor instructs, use a condom to protect your partners and treat any ailment as soon as it comes up. Live and let live.

Feel free to add your own ideas of what one can do to this list. Go out there and make a choice or choices that will enable this country, and indeed the world achieve it’s goal of Getting to Zero, one individual at a time.

Happy birthday to me!!

Sunday 20th November, is that time of the year again when; thanks to Facebook birthday alerts, the world shall know I’m turning a year older and I shall have lots of birthday wishes from my friends…even virtual ones and I get to marvel at how many birthday wishes I get lately. It’s like everyone is cheering you on to finish the Life race Damn!!

A couple of days before my birthday, I sit in reflection and think about life…my life, taking stock of things to be grateful for…the people who I owe lots of gratitude to and I say a little prayer. 5 years ago, I didn’t think I will be here happy and jovial and without sob stories or drama. So I will break the tradition of silent gratitude and prayer and write this little tribute to myself and to the people who in one way or another influence my life every day.

There is a time in everyone’s life when something happens and you are faced with a life and death reality and the choice to survive is solely placed in your hands. I got one or two of those, scary stuff at the time; real scary stuff judging from the number of people in my life I saw running for the hills. The aftermath of it, the confusion and trauma was immense. Then just like a bad dream I saw myself sink into a hole dug so deep with my falling esteem, allowed doctors, friends, boys, men, society, and everyone who thought I had a right to listen to them give me opinions, mostly about things I couldn’t or shouldn’t do or wouldn’t achieve no matter how much i tried because it would just be a waste of time. I believed them, it was the easiest thing to do that at the time.

At the bottom of that big hole, I found ‘peace’, safety, it was quiet, there were no judgmental people in there with their prejudices and judgmental remarks, down there, there were just people like me…looking to hide, dealing with sometimes far much bigger issues. Then there was family and friends who were resilient enough to come find me in there. In the midst of that silence, I was able to listen to myself, to find out who I really am, what I really want.

I found myself, with things so clear to me; I climbed out of the hole and soaked in the sunshine once again…illuminating the sun’s rays to touch people’s lives every day. It’s a blessing being ME, I love every moment of it. I know me, I know what I want, I don’t let people define that for me, I love me, it’s ridiculous how much I love me lately, Its reflected in how people love me, I have faith and belief for good everywhere. It’s a beautiful feeling.

Someone once said; “whatever you think about and thank about, you bring about” so since I want more of these people I must acknowledge that I didn’t get here on solitary efforts. so I want to show my gratitude to;…

To God; For being patient with me even as I walked around with so much hatred for you and many others; but mostly for making it all clear to me now ‘why it had to be me’. I asked you that question a lot and now, I have utmost gratitude that I was able to go through what I went through to be who I am in service to people who need your manifestations in the simplest of ways, even if its just a smile or a hug.

To my oldest friends: If we have been friends for 10 years and above, you fall in this category, To Doris, for always being there with laughter and advice that nudges me on and demands that I do not belittle myself, for knowing I need that doze of powerpuff and supplying it every day whether I ask for it or not. To Kantai, for being around and available; throughout the confusion, the drama and for celebrating little milestones with me consistently. To my sister Deby,….your list is long! Thanks so much for your wise counsel and being my best friend. sometimes i wonder if i actually changed your diapers or that was a clone!, To Faith; Kafei, this journey started with a blog you made me write…I wouldn’t have gotten this far if you weren’t there giving me the ropes back then. To Ruth Olum, hmmm, for always showing up in times when I need you, to Joyce Musimbi, for holding my hands right from the first day and walking with me to my first appointment and making jokes to break the ice. To Rose Adem, for being my longest true friend. To Hill and Ham;for accepting me as i am, Thank you. To Brenda Ngwala, for giving me your family and home when I needed one, and showing me the value of true friendship. To Rose Jalang'o and Hellen my cousins, for the many occasions you have shared my laughter and tears.There are some friends that reached out and at the time I wasn’t too sure of who I was to even let them in, Nyasaka, Terry Obadha, Alice Nyange, Phoebe…and anyone else whose names I may have forgotten, thank you.

To my new friends; Those who have been friends with me in less than 10 years. This is the longest list. Majority of you came into my life and have assisted me a lot in finding who I am. Have listened to me talk too much, have influenced my life just by being you and have and continue to occasionally, bring the greatest of advices from which I have enriched my life. I am grateful for the parts of your life you share with me, the faith you have in me and my opinions in matters so personal to your life. To my ‘special’ buddies,(sisemi majina yenu) you know how much impact you have in my life as much as I have in yours and I am grateful everyday that your stories and your lives give me hope, life’s lessons and build me up. I won’t mention all of my new friends but to Mary for being there during my internship and afterwards, for always giving me a home when I am in Kisumu, and for your friendship, To Lenin, Lucyline and Linda, hehehe for many many memories both at work and afterwards however short the duration of this friendship, to Elizabeth, for holding my hand a lot in 08!, To Jacky wangui...long list.To M. Murenga, Margaret, Anne Wacuka, J.Wamboi,carol Mwangi, for your support both for work and beyond, To Catherine, for being an inspiration every day even as you make me your sounding board. To the Late Caro, For praying with me, and bringing me back to God, Vincent, for all the help with the car and all my silly ‘kurutu’ drama, Asante. To Moses, for being my accountability friend, for the dates and udaku at the Mutura place :-D, Mwamachi, for being resilient enough to break down all my 'barriers' to communication and being one of my best friends in 2011thanks so much for not giving up on me, S.Lagoh, for your counsel and biblical outlook to everything in life, thanks... To you Kevin, for sitting with me during the L sign days, for calling/emailing/talking to me every time about going forth and reaching my potential. Its always a blessing talking to you. To my counselor, Nancy,for being my mum and seeing through me. To Silas Njoroge, for being the first 'date' away from the bar in like forever and later being a good friend. Thank you for sharing your life, your storms and your recovery and joy for all the new beginnings..im glad I was a part of it all. To the ‘special’ guy taking me to the mountains on my birthday…….for being the certain proof that the Universe does hand down what anyone asks for. Thank you.

Obviously, this list is long, so to all of you; thanks so much for ensuring I have a big smile on my face. I turn a year older grateful and happy in the knowledge and wisdom that I have the best people in my corner.

Happy birthday to me!!

A to Z OF POSITIVE LIVING.

"They can conquer who believe they can. He has not learned the first lesson is life who does not every day surmount a fear." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometime in February my support group held its first meeting of the year. These meetings are always dear to our hearts seeing as all the members are professionals and are busy. Most of the time we only have to settle for programmed group chats or phone calls. We have always had a meeting at the beginning of the year to sort of ‘take stock of the year that was and chart course for the New Year’ in this meeting we share among other things the troubles of the just ended year maybe in all aspects of living with HIV or personal. Nothing is too shameful to discuss and for most people this is the only forum they get to talk about their HIV status and the challenges or strides they make as they haven’t disclosed to anyone. We get a guest speaker to talk to us and a counselor is always present to point out situations in which we need further emotional help.

This years meeting was special. We have had these kinds of meetings since our first in early 2008 with me moderating them. This year, as people walked into the room and we exchanged long hugs and pleasantries I noticed a big difference. The room was full of joy and laughter, bright faces, calm souls and confident men and women. You could pick out the new members just by walking in. In my eyes was unfolding the truth that my people have grown.
I have had the privilege to walk with all the members through the tough times, sometimes putting aside my own fears and bad moments because I know how much they look up to me and watching these people that day, I felt proud. Proud of me for being able to witness growth of these magnitude and proud of every one of the members of the group for walking through the tough times and getting to the various points in their lives they are at.

Testing HIV positive isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and no one wants to wake up and find they have to deal with it. However looking at the men and women in my support group and the strides they have made over the years; I see a remarkable ability by people of all walks of life to be able to live well and long productive years. This is so because they chose to live positively.

Let me walk you through the alphabet of what I think it means to live positively as some of us may perhaps have no clue.

A is for ACCEPTANCE
In this context, acceptance would be the point when one is able to look at themselves in the mirror and say “My name is …….and I am HIV positive” without a crease on their face because whoever they see on the mirror is a beautiful lady or handsome man with a lot of potential and good things in life going good for them. Different people get to this place differently. It shows a huge element of self love has been reached and is the key to effective positive living with HIV.

B is for BRAVE;
You need to be brave. Sure this news brings with it life changing decisions, sure you will lose your job or business due to illness or whatever, sure some people may not like you much and may walk away from you, others may judge you and yet other give you too much attention but believe me just like any ‘high tide moment’ in the ocean, this too will come to pass. You need to be brave enough to weather the tide.

C is for COMMITMENT;
Some one once said, “The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.”

You need to commit to working toward a long healthy life. You need to eat right, stay in good body and mind condition. At some point, one will need to take their ARV’s. You need to commit to taking these medications as instructed by the doctor. You need to commit to quitting that favorite beer or glass of wine; you have to commit to quit smoking or any of those sweet vices that may put your life in danger.
You need to commit to using a condom every time you have sexual intercourse and you need to see a doc every time you are sick. Commitment to a healthy life will reap its fruits for you.

D is for DISCLOSURE;
This is one of the hardest parts of living with HIV. Sadly thought its one of those things we can’t run away from much as we try to put it off. Eventually we will eventually have to tell someone. It could be your spouse or partner or friends or your siblings or parents or children or even you colleagues at work. In whatever you do, before you disclose, you need to think things through. Why do you tell, When to tell, who to tell, how to tell, what to tell and where to tell are some of the questions you need to answer to yourself before you tell. Remember the best time to tell is when you are ready. It’s your story to tell whenever and however you feel like.

E is for EMOTIONS
Lots of emotions will be felt with the news that one is HIV positive and through out your life. It’s been years for some of us but we still at one point or another feel sad or sorry for ourselves or even some anger once in a while. It’s okay to feel sad, to cry once in a while, to feel weak and scared and to seek help for it. Once you know this then you are better placed to deal with the punch of emotions. Feelings like despair, pain, rage, anger, depression are normal at one point or another. One needs to know how to manage their emotions and stay positive.


F is for FORGIVENESS
It’s human to always look for someone to blame for all the bad things that happen in our lives. Once we have, I think its best to let it go and forgive whoever it is we are blaming. You need to forgive whoever you think infected you. You also need to forgive yourself because all this self hatred and condemnation will just cause pain and nothing productive.
With the realization that one is HIV positive almost always launches a need in one to find out where they got it from. People will always look for someone to blame and then blame themselves as well. Along the lines of life with this virus, you may meet people who may treat you differently or may not want to be friends with you anymore. The best way to stay healthy is by not harboring any bad feelings towards yourself and towards people. Learn to forgive and if you can, forget.
F is also for FRIENDS; who you need to walk this path with you. Lose the bad ones and fake groupies, make new and meaningful ones and in a while it will all be worth the pain.


G is for GOALS
Set goals, small ones, short ones…then big ones and crazy ones. A friend from the group and I are thinking of bungee jumping before the end of this year. Okay a few years back I didn’t think past setting goals that didn’t involve HIV. Now? I just have fun making the most of what I have and seeking to achieve the best that I can be. At first it’s hard to believe that one can be able to go through the hurdles of living with HIV. Make small goals, for example, aim to increase the number of your CD4 cells through good nutrition, or cut down on the alcohol intake or if you’re smoking, stop smoking. With time you will get to a point where you realize all your goals-even the ones that have nothing to do with this condition- can be achieved because living positively enables you live well for a long time.

H is for HOSPITAL
You will need to visit this place at least twice a year and listen very carefully to what everyone who works there tells you to do. The CD4 and Liver function tests are important. Do not miss to take them. Treat any ailment you have from the hospital. Its one of the most important things to note. Other people can self medicate if they want but not you. Even something as small as a cold could manifest itself into a serious chest infection if not taken seriously. The Hospital is going to be part of your life, make the most of it!

I is for INFORMATION;
Get all the information you can lay your hands on about this condition. We exist in a technologically savvy environment and can be able to access information from the net. Keep reading about emerging trends. Share the information you have with your loved ones or the people you have disclosed to. They need the information to know how well to manage you in this condition.

J is for JUNE&JULY
If you live in Nairobi Kenya, then you probably know these months are the coldest in the year. Care should be taken during these months, especially in July. Forget the fashion, it doesn’t matter if you are dressed in all the rainbow colors; Dress warm, eat nutritious foods, take your vitamins and treat any chest and upper respiratory ailments as they come up. This is because lots of respiratory ailments like pneumonia and TB are rampant at this time.

K is for KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge is power they say. Get to know through every means necessary anything and everything you can about HIV&AIDS. The more you know the better you are at knowing how well to manage your condition.

L is for LIFE; LOVE; AND LAUGHTER!
Life is short. I have watched enough of my friends die and with everyday I’m grateful for life and chose to make the most out of my days. You should too. Once you are done crying and feeling sorry for yourself that is. Don’t be afraid to reach out for the stars; to expand your horizons defy all odds to reach your potential. Love lives, love people, love YOU! From the mole on your face to the big tummy you have as a result of the ARV’s you are taking. Love yourself without dwelling on all your shortcomings and focusing on all the good things. This is the only true blessing you could ever give yourself. Besides, how can people love you if you don’t love yourself? Laughter is food for the soul so be sure to feed your soul on platefuls and bowlfuls of it. Those who laugh a lot live longer!

M is for MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING (MOU)
This seems to work with a lot of PLHIV. Someone once shared with my group that at some point ‘he sat down with his virus and had a talk it’ in which some ground rules were laid. The virus was to ensure that he doesn’t strike his immune system in manners that would kill him as they would both die in the process. He would ensure that he eats well and maintained a good healthy body. That way they both had an MOU to coexist in his body. This may sound silly but I think that’s the point at which he made a conscious decision to live positively. He has lived with the virus for close to two decades now.

N is for NUTRITION
Nutrition is key in maintaining a good immune system. Eat a well balanced diet, eat the right foods as advised by the nutritionist or doctor, and avoid cholesterol and toxins. Drink lots of water and you will be fine.

O is for OPPORTUNISTIC INFECTIONS;
An opportunistic infection is an infection caused by pathogens (bacterial, viral, fungal or protozoan) that usually do not cause disease in a healthy host, i.e. one with a healthy immune system. A compromised immune system, however, presents an "opportunity" for the pathogen to infect. These will tend to keep creeping up on you once in a while. Eat well, build up your immune system, start your ARV’s when the Doctor suggests that you do so and see a doctor every time you are sick so they can be detected and treated in time.

P is for PROTECT and PREVENT
Protect the people you love from infection. You may have to disclose to your potential sexual partners about your status hard as it may be. Do everything humanly possible to ensure you don’t infect someone else with the virus as this wont work well for your conscience. Prevent new infections and secondary ones as well. Use condoms at all times even with a HIV positive partner. In case you want to have a baby, do as instructed by the doctors to ensure your baby is not infected during pregnancy or early childhood days.

Q is for QUALITY OF LIFE
What quality of life are you living? Do you eat well, are you clean? Are you living a life of full potential or are you playing victim? Some people use the fact that they have HIV to live lives that are pathetic. This condition doesn’t make you any less productive. Sure you need a few months or years to deal with the blow but you need get up and dust yourself up and walk. It’s all in your head and will power. Living with this disease is not synonymous with failure as people have been made to think.

R is for RESPONSIBILITY
How well and best you live with this virus in your system is your responsibility. Regardless of what happened before, you are now solely responsible for your life. Do as the doctor says, star away from stressful situation, and make life choices and decisions that would make it possible for you to live a long healthy life.

S is for SHARE or SUPPORT SYSTEM
You can not do this alone. No one can. So get yourself a support system in whatever way you can. It could be a family member; support groups like ours, your religious leader anyone to whom you can lay out your fears and hope to be encouraged. You know what they say about a problem shared.
S is for STRESS
Counselors tell us to stay away from stress. I keep wondering what they are taking about. Have they seen the price of fuel lately? How can someone stay away from stress in this economy?! Well I say find adult ways of handling and managing stress. Bottom line you can’t afford to be stressed for long periods of time. The effects of it will take a toll on your health.
S is also for SPIRITUALITY
You need to be at a balance spiritually to be able to be happy and healthy. Everyone has their own thing that they do to reach this balance. Some people go to church or mosque or temple, others meditate and do yoga, others spend time taking walks in reflection, whatever it is that works for you.

T is for TREATMENT;
You will need various treatments through out your life. ARV’s prolong your life even though they aren’t really a cure.

U is for UNLIMITED
In this case; unlimited potential. We all have unlimited potential in us to accomplish anything in our lives. We just need to unlock the cabinet holding it in and soar!!

V is for VALUE
How much do you Value yourself? How much do you value the people in your life? How much do you value your own life? Answer these questions in reflection every time doubts check in. We need to have something we value so much to keep us going. For some people its self value. Yet for others it transcends beyond self to family, spouses and children

W is for WELLNESS
Wellness is defined as; the condition of good physical, mental and emotional health, especially when maintained by an appropriate diet, exercise, and other lifestyle modifications. This involves most of the things already talked about above.

Y is for YOU.
Do not even for one moment forget this is about you. Whatever sacrifices you make, the medications you have to pop in everyday, the gym workout sessions that you dread, whatever limits you push yourself to. Everything you do is for you. That’s the joy of it all.

Z is for ZEAL
Extreme enthusiasm for life is very important. It’s the only way you will manage A to Y!

WORLD AIDS DAY 2010

Tomorrow is December 1st and much as I have tried to, I realize this is one of those days I can not afford to let my opinion known to the masses *insert huge grin*

December 1st is the annual commemoration of World AIDS day. It has been 26 years since the first HIV patient was diagnosed in Kenya and as a third world country we were not spared the harsh brunt of this disease and the confusion, panic, stigma and discrimination that it descended with.

The theme for World AIDS Day 2010 is 'Universal Access and Human Rights'. Global leaders have pledged to work towards universal access to HIV and AIDS treatment, prevention and care, recognizing these as fundamental human rights. Valuable progress has been made in increasing access to HIV and AIDS services, yet greater commitment is needed around the world if the goal of universal access is to be achieved.

This year, I want to marvel at the strides we have made on an individual basis, as friends, as families, communities and as a country in getting to where we are in terms of responding to HIV&AIDS. In my own way I want to award people, groups, organizations…some known, others silent in this Endeavor to achieve a HIV free society for our children and their children.

Not in any particular order, My ‘Red Ribbon Awards’ go to;-

THE ACTIVISTS:
It’s often hard to be the first person to stand among the minorities and fight for their existence, rights and human dignity. These people got courage enough to scream “I’m here and you are going to treat me and people like me with the respect we deserve”.

It is because of these people that the world took notice, the myths got demystified and People living with HIV became human again.

From Magic Johnson the basket ball player, to Mary fisher, the American political activist…. Back at home the list is endless, From Ms. Asunta Wagura-KENWA, The Late Mr. Rowland Lenya,-TAPWAK, Ms. Dorothy Onyango,-WOFAK, Monique-MSF,Ludfine-UNDP,Mr. Joe Muiruri,The late Wangeci,….Jackline Wamboi- my personal favourite among others as well as those who silently and without talking about their own HIV status made it possible to have legislatures, policies and guidelines in place.

COMMUNITY HEALTH WORKERS:

These are men and women who because of stigma and lack of proper care of those infected with HIV in health institutions took it upon themselves to care for their own. Majorly residing in marginalized communities themselves and with very little financial support they would share what they had among themselves and offer palliative care from peoples homes. Currently they offer the best strategy for discharging patients out of the hospital back into the community thereby reducing health care costs. They are mostly people living with HIV volunteering to nurse those who are sick with one ailment or another back to health.

They cleaned wounds, bedding, exposed themselves to infections, ventured into areas some of us wouldn’t dare to. They carried sick people on their backs to hospital and ensured they adhered to ARV medications.
Watched as people that were once left for dead regained their health and got back to their feet.
These selfless men and women are the reason programs made sense in the 1990’s and early 2000 and the reason Kenya achieved its strategic goal of “A world free of AIDS”.

DONORS
A big chunk of HIV and AIDS response activities and programs are supported by donors. They work closely with the government or through partner organizations. People who have started foundations or work tirelessly to ensure donations are channeled towards HIV prevention, treatments, care and support. This list is long and I may need help writing it in completion.
From world Bank to PEPFAR (Presidential Emergency Program For AIDS and Malaria), Steven Lewis foundation, HIVOs, MSF, Amref, UNAIDS, Action Aid, CRS, Bill&Melinda gates, MTV staying Alive Campaign among others.

With funding from this organization, we are able to ensure prevention and treatment as well as care and support is available for those who need it.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

If you have a friend, a colleague, a sister, a brother, a wife, a husband, a cousin, a mother, a father or any relative in your family living with HIV and you treat them with the dignity they deserve, occasionally showing true concern and most of the time making them feel normal as normal can be then this Award is for you.
You may not realize this but half the time the support PLHIV get from family and friends goes along way in ensuring they seek treatment and strive to stay alive and happy.

To those who occasionally have to nurse relatives and friends and sometimes hold their hands throughout their low moments, the confusion, the fears, the pain. To those who don’t judge or make snide remarks or throw dramatic tantrums when a loved one discloses their HIV status. To all of you…My standing ovation! You make it possible for PLHIV to live normal lives.

MEDIA.

HIV response would be a fruitless activity if the media wasn’t involved. The media was very instrumental and still is in breaking the silence about HIV&AIDS. Through the stories on stigma and discrimination in the media we saw our selves through the mirror. Our humanity was touched by what being impartial to those living with this disease could mean and like it or not we have become more informed, more tolerant, more careful and able to discuss some of the things that we a few years back a taboo.
To the lateTom Arocho and his pioneer HIV awareness Program on KTN, to the KBC with their weekly program’ It begins with you’, to the various Media personalities who find time to discuss HIV&AIDS awareness issues, to Internews- an organization whose work involves training mainstream journalists on appropriate reporting on Matters HIV&AIDS, Gender and health. Thank you!

People Living with HIV (PLHIV)

It takes one HIV positive individual for a HIV infection take place. Educate the HIV positive individual on how not to infect someone and you won’t have any infections right? Well unfortunately not everyone has the time or energy for this school of thought.

So for the People Living with HIV who have made a conscious decision to live a positive life whether publicly or in silence. Seek treatment and prevention options, Take care of their health, disclose their status to those that need to know, protect in every way human the people they care about and still put a smile on their own faces and those of the people who matter to them.

To you ladies and gentlemen, a million pats in the back. I know its not easy, but with every passing year, and every passing cold season or irritating cough you know its going to be alright at the end of the day, when it is alright….life feels good.
Thank you for being an integral part of HIV prevention.

This list is inconclusive; you are welcome to add on to it. Who are you dedicating the Red Ribbon to?
But most importantly what are you as an individual doing to ensure we achieve universal access to Prevention, treatment, care and support for HIV&AIDS.

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

“Each player much accepts the cards life deals him or her. But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.”-Voltaire

In April 2009, Nadja Benaisa a German singer with a favorite all-female pop band was arrested and formerly charged in February 2010 with causing bodily harm by German police for having unprotected sex with three men between 2004 and 2006 without informing them of her HIV positive status, allegedly infecting one of her partners with HIV.
During her trial which commenced in August 2010, Ms. Benaissa admitted not telling her sexual partners she was HIV positive, she however denied intending to infect anyone with the virus.
“I’m so sorry; no way did I want my partner to be convicted” Ms. Benaissa told the court.

On 26th August 2010, she was found guilty of one count of causing grievous bodily harm and two counts of attempted bodily harm and was given a 2-year suspended sentence and 300 hours of community service.
Ms. Benaissa’s story brings to light the ramifications that people living with HIV could face for not disclosing their HIV status. It also gives you an idea about how lack of disclosure can end up exposing and getting someone else infected with the Virus hence making ‘disclosure’ an integral aspect of HIV prevention.

Back at home part IV of the Kenya HIV and AIDS Prevention and Control Act has provisions that could see one- if proven guilty of similar crimes- convicted to a fine not exceeding five hundred thousand or imprisonment for a term not exceeding seven years or both.

The most difficult thing anyone living with HIV may ever have to do is tell anyone they have HIV. Whether you have been recently diagnosed with HIV or have been living with HIV for while, you may well feel anxious about telling people about your status.
Disclosing your HIV diagnosis is difficult but sometimes necessary. Hard as it may be, there is no manual for disclosure, perhaps because it is such a multifaceted issue. Disclosing to a friend is very different from telling parents or disclosing to your child or marriage partner. But perhaps the hardest disclosure would be telling a potential sexual partner.

Disclosure surrounding HIV&AID means telling someone you are HIV positive. Who you tell and what you tell them can be very difficult and therefore is ones personal decision. You need to be sure you are doing it for the right reasons as who you tell and how you give the information may have a far reaching impact on a loved one and ultimately on your life.
When one mulls over disclosure So many emotions come into play as one psychologically asks themselves many questions. One wonders on many things for example; when this must be done or how exactly do I say it, do I show any emotions or not, or how will they react when they find out, will they hate me or blame me? Will they leave me? Will I end up facing this alone? Will they still love me? Will they shun me? Do I really have to do this!
Before disclosing ones status, one needs to consider a number of things which I like to call the ‘5W’s of disclosure.’

Who to disclose to
Who you tell your HIV status is very important. It isn’t news to be told to every walking person in the planet. When you are first diagnosed, it is probably wise to only tell the people you trust and believe will give you the support you need for example your doctor, a counselor, a support group for PLHIV or a close family member.

At this point you don’t need to tell your employer unless for some reason you need a shift in your job description.
You have no need to disclose to your potential landlord or workmates as people may treat you differently.
Shouting “I have HIV” to everyone can have its repercussions. Not everyone is as welcoming or as tolerant to issues around HIV&AIDS and as much as stigma levels have remarkable reduced in Kenya, not everyone gets to be received with open arms to disclosure.

Why disclose:
One needs to be certain they have a reason for disclosing their status. Once the question of ‘who’ it is you are telling is answered, ask yourself why you need to tell them. Is it because you need some kind of help from whoever you are disclosing to in terms of referrals for treatment and care?, or is it because the person you are telling is your sexual partner and therefore they need to know so that the two of you explore safer sexual practices or need to have them tested as well?
In some countries, there are certain professions where someone would have to let their employers know they are HIV positive for example surgeons.
In the case of a parent considering disclosing to their children, ask yourself why you want to tell them. Is it because they will be annoyed if you keep it a secret? Or do they suspect something or are you sick, or have they asked you if you have HIV or maybe its a child who was born HIV positive and needs to know why it’s important to take their medication.
It’s recommended that one discloses their positive HIV status to a potential sexual partner because in failure to do so has legal ramifications in certain countries.

Where to disclose;
You don’t want to be disclosing your status in a noisy restaurant after three drinks with someone you are on a first date with. Similarly disclosing to a violent spouse or partner when you are alone in the house with them could be dangerous. The news that one is HIV positive is always received with shock, pain, anger or any similarly related emotion. Different venues would work for different situations. You need to know who you are telling and how where you chose to tell would work for you. Remember you need to be comfortable with your surrounding to enable you easily answer all the questions that your family, friend, child (ren) or partner may have after you disclose.
If you are disclosing to an intended sexual partner, please ensure you are in an open place. A quiet restaurant with people around you.
If it’s a violent partner then its encouraged that you seek help with disclosure. There are a number of social workers or healthcare providers who can assist you with this.
In case one is disclosing to children, do it at a place they would feel most safe as they may have a lot of follow up questions for you.

When to disclose;
At what point do you tell your partner, your friends, your parents, your children or your colleagues of your HIV status? You need to consider this as you may have to tell these different people at different times depending on the situation you are in.
The best time to disclose your status is when you are ready. You need to adjust to the news of your HIV status first. For some people that may be a week, for other people it may be a year. But only disclose your HIV status when it's appropriate, and only when you're comfortable with yourself to do so.

It’s very important to inform your sexual partner of your HIV status as soon as you find out so that they can get tested as well and that the both of you can get help on how to live a healthy life.
My advice would be that you take sometime and process the news before you begin to tell it out to others. You do not want to be crying or in an emotionally unstable form when you talk to people about your HIV status.

This will scare them and make them feel like they are losing you.
Children could pick the insecurities that come with you not being okay with your HIV status and panic and this could affect them in school both academically and socially. Take as much time as you can after disclosing to your children to reassure them of your love and your family’s stability as well as your good health.
Seek counseling for as long as you need it to be able to deal with the shock and pain of finding out your status. Then you can share it with your loved ones.

People who are dating especially women are often at loss for when they should disclose their HIV status. You may be conflicted on whether to disclose on the first date or only if the relationship is getting serious. For fear of losing their partner people often hold off on telling about their status. This may work for you for a short period of time as the relationship may progress too fast into sex and you end up not protecting your partner. The best time to disclose is when you are ready but if you aren’t then please ensure you have safer sexual relations with your partners.
Disclosing to sexual partners should be encouraged as it is rewarding. It frees you from anxiety and enables the both of you to take control of your safety and make informed choices.

What to disclose
What you say to the various people you are disclosing to is very important. Some people like to be very open about their HIV status. That way they really don’t have to worry about people finding out later. This strategy does not suit everyone so if you are in a situation where not everybody will understand then this may not be the way for you. Even for those people who are public about their status, you may want to consider how much of your story you want to share for sometimes too much information could be misconstrued to mean some thing else.

In one of ‘Parent-children’ support groups organized by one of our partners, a woman told of how she disclosed to her children.
“I have AIDS and I’m dying soon” she told her children who had confronted her after they had been told mean things by their playmate.
The emotional trauma that followed later has affected her children to date over a decade later.

You need to have enough information about HIV and AIDS and whatever issues that are connected to it to enable you give the correct information to your partner, children, friend, colleagues or whoever you are disclosing to.
How you say what it is you are disclosing is also important. You could get books that have information on HIV&AIDS to share with your loved ones, or print out information online or even get help from your counselor, a friend from the support group or health professionals if there is need to explain things further to the people you are disclosing to.
If you are ashamed of your status, then the people you are telling to will feel the same way so try to have a positive attitude towards your condition.

A long time ago when HIV progression to AIDS was much faster due to stigma, lack of awareness and treatment, there was probably some rationale for telling your friends and family as soon as one found out their HIV positive status.
Most people were diagnosed with HIV because they were sick with one condition or another and therefore family involvement for care and support was very fundamental in recovery.
Today, the medicine for HIV management is so good that one can live their normal productive lives for years.
The decision to tell your family or your parents is ultimately your own.

There is a lot to gain from telling other people about your diagnosis. You may find that the support and understanding gained from confiding in close friends really helps reduce the stress or worries that you may have.
There is a possibility of greater access to good care and management by speaking to people or organizations that are there to support people living with HIV. It’s important to let your doctor know your HIV status so that you get the appropriate care. Disclosing could also help you get help from people with the same HIV status as you for example in a support group.

You may feel the need to tell is other for your own benefit and peace of mind. That is also good.However, as you seek to disclose your HIV status, please note that not everyone will be strong enough or supportive enough in their responses. Be prepared for this and remember that you have done nothing wrong. You need to be patient. The people you love and who love you also need the space to deal with your revelation.

As hard as disclosure of ones HIV is, its encouraged that one discloses to at least one close family member to enable them access the support they need either medically or emotionally in dealing with being HIV positive.

WHEN OPPOSITES ATTRACT……

Doreen is a happily married mother of two. She gushes through life full of energy and juggles work, school, motherhood and wife roles just perfectly. She is also a counselor at her church.
What most people don’t know about Doreen however is she is HIV positive. In a country where about 1.4million Kenyans are living with HIV, this could be the story of many other women Doreen’s age.
What’s unique about Doreen’s story however is the fact that her husband of over ten years is HIV negative.

“I found out about my HIV status three years into my marriage.” Doreen narrates.
“I was devastated, back then people were not as informed as they are now.” She continues.
On breaking the news to her husband, he was supportive in all aspects and their lives moved on. Her husband refused to go for the test believing that if his wife was HIV positive then he was too.
“So for the next 6 years we have been living as though we are both HIV positive. We used Condoms and looked out for each other” Doreen explains.

Last year Doreen’s husband got tested for HIV after yielding to constant nagging from her and their Doctor.
“He tested HIV negative” Doreen reports with a beaming smile.
This new occurrence left this couple with a lot of more questions than they thought possible. Well, with the help of their doctor and a counselor Doreen and her husband are happy and going about their life. Nothing much about their lives has changed,
“In-fact we have never been more optimistic. We want to try for another baby.” She shares.


Doreen is not the only person in this kind of relationship. Jane, Lucy and George are both young people aged between 28 and 36 and are HIV positive. There is nothing any different about their lives. They are all well educated, have good jobs and live a good life. What they have in common is the fact that they are all dating HIV negative partners.
Jane has been dating her partner for the last two years, Lucy has been married to hers for a year and George is getting married to his partner with whom he has two beautiful baby girls in August.

There is an increasing trend among young people to go for counseling and testing and this is leading to a lot of couples finding out that the person they just started dating or are intending to marry are HIV positive. While some dating relationships may not survive the revelation that one person has HIV, there are those that withstand the confusion and emotions surrounding the discovery of HIV discordance. Then there are couples who like Doreen find out their HIV status after years of marriage and chose to stay together with their partners.

According to the recent Kenya Aids Indicator Survey released in 2009, nearly 350,000 cohabiting or married partners were ‘discordant couples’. Meaning one of the partners is HIV positive and the other negative.

Having a discordant relationship comes with its own set of challenges. For most discordant couples there is always the worry and questions around , how to have HIV free biological children, preventing HIV transmission to the HIV-negative partner; the future health and survival of the HIV-positive partner; and future investments to take Care of the surviving partner and/or children.

Contrary to what people think, discordant couples can have a long term and mutually satisfying relationships. Just as it is key in every dating or marriage relationship, the key ingredient to a happy fulfilling relationship as discordant couples will be open communication. Couples living in a HIV discordant relationship can make the most of their time together and lead a healthy loving and fulfilling relationship if they are were informed about HIV&AIDS and the various aspects that it could affect their lives. Here are some of the common questions asked and helpful answers to them. Remember, the best person to have a complete talk with about any of these issues is your doctor or counselor.

Is it safe to live together?
Living with an HIV positive partner is just as safe as living with an HIV negative partner. Both of you need to know as much about HIV&AIDS as you can to be able to cope. Dealing with a positive diagnosis and coming to terms with the challenge of living with HIV/AIDS is never easy. But today the prospects for successful treatment are better than ever before, and there are a wide range of support services available to help people living with HIV/AIDS in Kenya lead a normal productive life.
Learning about your HIV diagnosis or your partners can feel overwhelming. The battle of emotions always range from feelings of fear, anger, confused, despair among others. This is normal. It’s like joining a new school. No one really knows what is expected of them. Often times one feels lost; it’s okay to ask for help.
Mrs. Owino my class one teacher took me through the basics of life. She taught me my first real math and made science exciting.
“Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” She would say as she taught us to brush our teeth after every meal and wash our hands after we visited the toilet. She had a graphic demonstration of what would happen to us if we didn’t do as she said. Using pictures from some book she would tell us how our dirty hands would carry germs to the food that we eat and then we would have diarrhea and look thin and ugly and before long all our family members would be sick too. Those pictures made you tow the line.
Two decades later, I brush my teeth and wash my hands just as Mrs Owino instructed. I bet the curriculum then put all these demonstrations to help us understand well why we needed to be clean and healthy. I wonder if Mrs Owino would be talked into doing a demonstration to the same people she taught ages ago to show us how HIV “really does get in” to our bodies. But while these simple messages have their place, the truth is of course more complex. If we take the time to understand how HIV is – and isn’t – transmitted, we are that much better armed to live with and protect our partners.
HIV is found in many of the body fluids of people who are infected with the virus. It can be found at varying concentrations in blood, semen, vaginal fluid, breast milk, saliva, and tears. It cannot be found in sweat or urine.
A simple explanation would be to say that the virus can be transmitted if any of those infected body fluids pass from an infected person to an uninfected person. This risk varies with circumstances such as the stage of HIV progression and viral load of the person living with HIV among others.
To start with, there have been no cases recorded of HIV transmission from saliva or tears, so they can safely be crossed off the list. This is to be expected, as the quantities of virus which have been observed in these fluids are extremely low. This is good news for those of us with HIV because it means there’s absolutely zero risk of passing on the virus through casual contact including kissing, hugging, or sharing eating utensils.
That leaves blood, semen, vaginal fluid and breast milk as the remaining body fluids which have been significantly implicated in transmission of HIV. We know from both laboratory experiments and real-world observation that virtually all HIV transmissions can be attributed to one of these four.
It is important that the discordant couple also be aware of non-sexual transmission of HIV, and reduces risk accordingly. For example, the couple needs advise on how to clean products that may have infected fluids, how to deal with blood spills, not to share tooth brushes, razors etc. It can be particularly challenging in a family setting especially with children around but can certainly be done.

What treatment options do we have?
There are various treatment options for People Living with HIV (PLHIV). We don’t have a cure yet but there are a variety of medications that one can take to be able to live well. The Doctor will advise after carrying out a number of tests on whether one needs to start their Anti Retroviral (ARV) medication. Couples need to talk about these medications and their implications on their relationship. For instance there are certain ARV’s that are not recommended for women who want to have babies or for pregnant women. For those who aren’t on ARV’s then a prophylaxis to help the body fight diseases may be prescribed as well as immune boosters where necessary. The Partner living with HIV will need support from the HIV negative one to adhere to medications.
In the occurrence of any exposure to the Virus, for example through a condom burst during sex or cuts and injuries in the house, the HIV negative partner can access Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP).
PEP is short-term antiretroviral treatment to reduce the likelihood of HIV infection after potential exposure.

Can we have biological children?
Babies are a blessing and every couple wants to have babies of their own by every means possible. HIV discordant couples are advised to use condoms every time they get intimate and are therefore at loss at how they will be able to have biological children. Having a biological child is possible and if done with the help of doctors then measures will be taken to ensure that the baby is born HIV free. It’s advised that couples seek preconception counseling for HIV discordant couples; information on pregnancy planning, preventing transmission of HIV to the partner and the baby, and nutritional and lifestyle advice will be shared. It is advised that couples attend these sessions together.

How do we have a normal and happy marriage?
Open communication is encouraged in all forms of relationships and marriage. In HIV discordant relationships it is encouraged to talk about everything.
Disclosure of HIV status by the partner who is HIV +ve to the HIV-ve partner is encouraged as this is key in the couple making informed choices about being safe and protecting themselves. For people who are not in an established relationship or are doing the dating scene, disclosing their HIV status to another person is often difficult and requires quite a bit of courage.
Emotions that emerge from the discovery of ones HIV status and a couple’s discordance are many and varied. Couples should strive to share a lot during this process. Talk about your feelings for each other, for your relationship, for the way forward. Discuss your fears and try together to find possible solutions for them. Do not be afraid to get help if you need it. We have a number of Couple Counseling Centers within the Voluntary Counseling and Testing centers.
Discuss all of your concerns upfront before deciding the next course of your relationship or marriage. Let the HIV negative partner reassure the one who is HIV positive that you are seeking to be educated and are not trying to pass judgment. Issues that worry discordant couples on sexuality and reproduction as well as planning for the future need to be openly discussed as frequently as both partners want.
Ask candid questions and make sure you are completely at ease before either of you makes any decision. Reaffirm your feelings for each other if they still exist. This is important especially for the HIV positive partner who may be apprehensive or scared that their disclosure will make their negative partner desert them.
Reach out for help whenever you need it. Your doctor can refer you to places where you can get more counseling and whatever other help you may need as couples.

People say, “love knows know boundaries, distance or time.”
I wonder how true that is when HIV&AIDS becomes something two people in a relationship have to deal with. But if the statistics on the number of discordant couples in Kenya is anything to go by, maybe opposites do attract.
Every time I meet Doreen and any other HIV positive person happily married or dating HIV negative people, I am reminded of Iannis’ description of love off the movie Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, and it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

FOR KNOWLEDGE'S SAKE!

Dealing with a positive diagnosis and coming to terms with the challenge of living with HIV/AIDS is never easy. But today the prospects for successful treatment are better than ever before, and there are a wide range of support services available to help people living with HIV/AIDS in Kenya.

Learning about your HIV diagnosis can feel overwhelming. The battle of emotions always range from feelings of fear, anger, confused, despair among others. This is normal. Often times one feels lost. It’s like joining a new school. No one really knows what is expected of them.

Mrs. Owino my class one teacher took me through the basics of life. She taught me my first real math and made science exciting.
“Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” She would say as she taught us to brush our teeth after every meal and wash our hands after we visited the toilet. She had a graphic demonstration of what would happen to us if we didn’t do as she said. Using pictures from some book she would tell us how our dirty hands would carry germs to the food that we eat and then we would have diarrhea and look thin and ugly and before long all our family members would be sick too. Those pictures made you tow the line.
Two decades later, I brush my teeth and wash my hands just as Mrs Owino instructed.

I bet the curriculum then put all these demonstrations to help us understand well why we needed to be clean and healthy. I wonder if Mrs Owino would be talked into doing a demonstration to the same people she taught ages ago to show us how HIV “really does get in” to our bodies. But while these simple messages have their place, the truth is of course more complex. If we take the time to understand how HIV is – and isn’t – transmitted, we are that much better armed to protect our selves and the people we care about.

HIV is found in many of the body fluids of people who are infected with the virus. It can be found at varying concentrations in blood, semen, vaginal fluid, breast milk, saliva, and tears. It cannot be found in sweat or urine.
A simple explanation would be to say that the virus can be transmitted if any of those infected body fluids pass from an infected person to an uninfected person. This risk varies with circumstances.

To start with, there have been no cases recorded of HIV transmission from saliva or tears, so they can safely be crossed off the list. This is to be expected, as the quantities of virus which have been observed in these fluids are extremely low. This is good news for those of us with HIV because it means there’s absolutely zero risk of passing on the virus through casual contact including kissing, hugging, or sharing eating utensils.

That leaves blood, semen, vaginal fluid and breast milk as the remaining body fluids which have been significantly implicated in transmission of HIV. We know from both laboratory experiments and real-world observation that virtually all HIV transmissions can be attributed to one of these four.

Blood-to-blood
HIV can be transmitted by direct blood-to-blood contact – such as through sharing injecting equipment, through blood transfusions or other blood products, or in accidental cases in health-care settings such as hospitals. Nowadays relatively few cases of HIV transmission occur this way. Extensive needle and syringe programs, screening of donated blood and careful adherence to universal precautions in health-care settings have kept the numbers low.
•Never share any injecting equipment, including needles, syringes, spoons and swabs. This will not only prevent transmission of HIV, but also other blood-borne viruses such as hepatitis C.
•Avoid sharing toothbrushes, razors or anything else which could convey blood between two people.
•There’s very little risk of transmission from blood spills, bleeding noses, accidental cuts or open sores, as the blood from the HIV-positive person has to pass into the bloodstream of the negative person. Nonetheless, it’s sensible for anyone who comes in contact with blood to wear latex gloves and wash their hands carefully to avoid any risk of infection.
.In-case of any accidental contact with contaminated blood or in cases where one suspects they have been exposed, there is need to visit a health center for medical intervention such as Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP). Accessing this service within 72 hours of exposure could lower the risk of infection to HIV.

Mother-to-child
HIV can be transmitted from mother to baby, both in the womb and via breast milk. This is called ‘mother-to-child’ transmission.
If nothing is done to prevent transmission, the risk of passing HIV from mother to baby is about 40 percent. But we have known for some time that this risk can be reduced. If you’re pregnant or planning to become pregnant, following the recommended guidelines ensures the risk of transmitting HIV to your baby is minimized. All government hospitals in Kenya provide Prevention of Mother to Child Transmission (PMTCT) with an aim of enabling the HIV positive pregnant women access help.
The risk of transmission can also be cut by reducing the delivery time for the baby, usually by having a cesarean section. If you chose to breastfeed the baby then so so exclusively. HIV can be transmitted via breast milk. one can chose to use other alternative methods of feeding for example formula milk.

Sex
The vast majority of HIV transmissions in Kenya happen through sexual contact. HIV is present in semen, pre-seminal fluid (pre-cum) and vaginal fluid, and can enter the bloodstream of a negative partner through mucous membranes such as those in the rectum and vagina, or through small breaks in the skin caused by intercourse.
We’ve known for a long time that condoms can prevent transmission of HIV via vaginal or anal sex. They’re highly effective, cheap, easy to use and available just about everywhere.

Abstinence which is the only 100 percent preventive measure against HIV is encouraged all the time. Condoms however are the most effective HIV prevention technology there is if one is sexually active.

As an added bonus, using a condom also protects both partners from many sexually-transmitted infections other than HIV. People with HIV should know that these infections can play havoc with their health, so even if both partners are positive, condoms still have a valuable role.

If both partners are HIV-positive, there is no risk of HIV infection, although there is a risk of re-infection – infection with a second, slightly different strain of HIV. This leads to one having more strains of the virus and hence vulnerable to complications. Care should be taken by all HIV positive people to ensure they don’t get re-infected.

Finding a partner who is also HIV-positive may sound desirable but isn’t always easy, and requires that both you and your partner disclose your HIV status – something that may be difficult or uncomfortable. If you’d rather not disclose your status, it’s best to stick to safe or safer sex.

KEEPING THE CANDLELIGHT BURNING

“There is a candle in every soul, Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings a fire, Ignites a candle and makes His home” Chris Rice from his song GO LIGHT YOUR WORLD.

The International AIDS Candlelight Memorial, a program of the Global Health Council, is one of the oldest and largest grassroots mobilization campaigns for HIV/AIDS awareness in the world. This year’s Memorial will be marked on 16th May 2010.

Started in 1983 and marked every third Sunday in May, this day hosts Worldwide local memorials that honor those that we have lost due to Complications of AIDS and raise social consciousness about the disease. As well as to honour the memories of those who have fought so hard for the rights and well being of people affected by HIV,

This year’s theme for the Memorial is “Many Lights for Human Rights,” which the Global Health Council hopes will circulate globally to promote greater understanding about the legal barriers marginalized communities can face in obtaining access to antiretroviral treatment and care, HIV prevention services and basic health care, including for HIV-related diseases like tuberculosis and malaria. Organizations are working together to demand dignity and human rights for communities affected by HIV.


We in Kenya have made great strides in our response towards HIV&AIDS. There is marked reduction of stigma in some areas, we have sections of the HIV&AIDS Act of 2007 operational, we have lots of programs that deal with the social issues this disease brought to our country et al.
We are not there yet, this day serves to remind us; all of us that there is still so much we can do to try and achieve a world free of HIV.

This Candle light memorial I want to remember my friends through whom I have learn a lot of lessons, shared life stories with and who for some reason didn’t make it to be alive today.
2009 will forever be marked in my heart, for both good and bad reasons. Mainly though because it’s the first time I lost people close to me to this disease.

Shiro -January.

The year started glum, at a young age of 25, this girl who had so much going on for her passed away leaving her husband of three months and a two month old baby. She had just graduated as a lawyer, been accepted to the Bar and gotten married to a great guy and brought forth a beautiful baby boy. Her leaving us reminds me everyday that this disease affects all generations, and there is so much we can lose. I also learned that love has no boundaries. If we truly love and are loved then we will forever remain etched in the hearts of the people dear to us. RIP Shiro.

Anne Janet-February

I took Anne in when she came to Nairobi October of 2008 and had no place to stay because her sister wasn’t comfortable staying with her. Even then, her health was wanting, but she had so much energy. She was a nurse by profession and so good at her job. She left us too fast; it was more shocking than it was painful. She had a good man beside her so it didn’t matter that her family wasn’t so supportive. From her I learn that God sends people to your life for a reason, and sometimes friends turn out to have your back more than you can imagine. I miss talking to you about boys my friend. RIP Janet.

Stella-June

We met four times I think. You had one hell of a beautiful smile. Well, I guess it hid a lot from us; your smile that is. We for instance never knew why you decided it was too much for you to take. The turmoil of living with HIV is crazy. The gals were all shocked when they heard you left us. Then got scared when they found out exactly how you left us. Maybe we did learn something out of that though. That a problem once shared is a problem half solved because now? People share a lot. And reach out more.

Shiko- August

Now Shiko was one burst of energy! She worked in the kitchen and made us tea and lunch. I found out nearly a year or so later when doing her story for a magazine that Shiko couldn’t swallow anything that wasn’t liquid. She had gotten sick once with oral thrush and didn’t properly manage it so wasn’t able to stop the infection from getting to her oesophagus. She survived on porridge and light juice and soup. Crashed her ARV’s and dissolved them in water. She instantly became my hero. I mean here was a woman who made 'kick ass' lunch everyday knowing fully well she would have to just sit back and watch us eat. Shiko I miss your Kikuyu pilau! RIP dear.

Wangeci- September

Another young girl who had a lot going on. I met you in town a couple of months before you left us and you looked fine. Your death was a huge shock and then some. Sent all of us into a serious panic. Gave me the hugest punch of emotions since 2004. First I was sad, then I was scared, then I was angry at you for refusing to take your 'meds', then I was scared that I was angry and now? I am just sad. Every time I meet someone that looks like you I feel sad for the loss. You and I worked on a number of projects together, you may be gone my dear but the vision you had keeps on. No one I know is ignoring the doctor’s advice now. R.I.P sweets.

Caroline- November

Hardly a week passes without me thinking about you. Every time I do, tears fill my eyes. I am not sad that you are gone anymore. I believe you are in a better place; Peaceful place. I just miss my friend sooo much.
I shared a lot with you, learned bagfuls of stuff from you. Key though is how much love can exist in our hearts if we just allow it. R.I.P sweety.

All of us are affected by HIV&AIDS either directly or indirectly. We have all lost someone we know. Let that not be in vain. Let it be a light in our hearts that would make us do what is right so that we stop new infections, get treatment to those who need it, Access Voluntary Counseling and Testing to enable us make informed choices and Live life!!

So this Sunday, I will light candles for these incredible women who in their own way touched my life. I hope you light some too!

LESSONS FROM 2009

"Live each season as it passes, breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." Henry David Thoreau

This was one hell of a year! I am proud to report that all of the key things had planned to do are off my check list. Totally proud of me.
I didn’t think it would happen but it all did go down well.

Most importantly I have learned a number of life lessons this year. Let me share some of them.

Treatment Fatigue.
I have learned that no matter how good you are at keeping rules and regulations handed down by the doctor, that sometimes after one has lived with this virus for a while, made visits to the clinic, taken their Septrin, used a condom every time they have sex and all the other long list of Do’s and don’ts that we get handed down by the doctors. One can get tired of it all.
Yeah, I got tired of being HIV positive this year. I missed my clinic for most of the year and no matter how much the social worker at the hospital called me to go in for a meeting, I just didn’t.
Well, after a well deserved break; I am back to clinic, with a doctor I like. Took my CD4 test before my birthday as promised and the results? 753. My doc thinks I need to be tested again to check if I have the virus he he he.

God’s Angels.
Forget the drawings of white people in white robes and wings you saw in your Sunday school. Angels aren’t somewhere flying around in heaven singing “Haleluya”.
Angels are right here, in everyday life. Every year my sis Debs and i make a point of counting how many Angels God sends us.
This year I have so many the list is crazy. From people who I met a week prior to my resignation from my old job and who lined up jobs for me to do enabling me to make through to my next job, from friends who made calls when I was going through a certain breakup in February; to friends who offered physical, emotional and sometimes financial help when I needed it, to a special friend who showed me in every practical way that I don’t have to hang out in a bar with a guy to have fun.
This year, these angels have touched my life in so many ways and in a big way, changed it. I am a different person. And I am falling in love with this new me.

Any woman can be any woman’s friend.
I know this sounds cheesy but it’s true. Well at the beginning of this year, I was in the middle of counseling some girl who was getting a lot of stress from some man in her life. The moment she mentions his name and where he works I find out it’s the guy I was seeing.
I went into complete shock. This was worse than Shiko of Easy Fm, busting her own boyfriend sometime last year. Well, I didn’t know what to say, she was stressed to tears. I couldn’t add to her stress. I recovered from the shock to hear the part of her story where she paid the guy lots of money to be in the relationship.
On a serious note that hit hard. I couldn’t believe that a man I liked, who took care of me so well had to get paid for ‘it’.

Well, you can call me whatever you want, strong, insane, weird….. whatever you like but I decided to help this woman get her self esteem. I mean why the hell would she pay up for love or sex or whatever? As we speak, we are best of friends. We talk everyday, I count her as one of the angels I met this year.
I wonder what would have happened if I had gone wild and started a fight. Hmmm i wonder!!

Faith can move mountains.
At the beginning of this year, top on my checklist was the fact that I needed to get out of my old job. It wasn’t giving me any of the growth I wanted anymore. I wanted something new, something better.
Most of my friends kept telling me to look for another job before I quit. I for a moment there I believed that was the best thing to do. Well things back at work moved from bad to worse and one morning I woke up, went to the office, cleared my desk and came home. I took a step of faith, I didn’t know where I was going to or what I was going to do but I left anyway.
Looking back, this is the best decision I made this year. A day later I was off to Mombasa for my first assignment as a consultant, 4 months later I got my new job. You can be whatever you want to be, you just have to have faith and take the step.
Martin Luther King Jnr once said, “You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Trust me, you will get there.

Gratitude gets you more.
You will not get anywhere complaining or being stressed about something or everything. If for every 10 minutes you take a whole minute to be grateful for just one thing that you have or has happened then your attitude about life would change. You would be more cheerful and fun to be around, then people would want to be around you and before you know it, everything will be going well for you. Be grateful for life; be grateful for family and friends around you , be grateful for the food you eat, for your job, for even the smallest thing like getting to work on time because believe me, somewhere not far from you, someone doesn’t have what you have. That is what makes life worth living.
This is the best lesson to take into 2010.

To my friends and relatives new and old who have been with me through out the year; Thank you so much! To those of you that I haven’t met but keep writing me emails because this blog has an impact on you, Thank you too. You are the reason I keep writing. To those who read, learn something and try to be better people or educate someone, thank you as well, because then the chain of ‘good’ keeps getting longer.

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones. Happy 2010 full of blessings and beauty!

SEXUAL HEALTH ETIQUETTE

"If you do not have it in you to deal with the consequences of SEX then please ABSTAIN"



Joan (24) knew she had met the man of her dreams when she met Tony four years ago. “We met at a friend’s party and agreed to meet the following day for coffee.” Joan says. “We used a condom every time we got intimate.” She goes on.

After dating for about seven months they decided to move in together. They decided go to the Voluntary Counseling and Testing center(VCT) where they both tested negative for the virus and asked to come back three months later. They tested negative again.
“We were so happy we didn’t have to use a condom from then on.”
“I got pregnant six months later and was over the moon.” She says. “Tony was so happy he was talking of moving to a bigger house, and introduced me to his mother.” She narrates.

When Joan went to her hospital for her first prenatal clinic, she didn’t believe what the nurses had to tell her. “The nurse called me into this room and told me I was HIV positive, I laughed at her. She says. “I was definitely sure she had the results mixed up, I knew I was faithful to Tony, I never believed he was an angel but I just didn’t think he would be stupid not to use protection.” She says.

When the shock wore off and reality finally set in Joan had to deal with her HIV positive status. Tony didn’t want anything to do with the baby after she told him of what happened and even gave her money to terminate the pregnancy. They broke up and she went through her pregnancy and the first five months after her baby was born alone.

“One day when I had finally decided to move on and was clearing his things from the house I came across some papers. They were HIV CD4 results from mbagathi hospital that belonged to Tony and a woman who I later found out was his ex. The test results were dated two months before we met.” She says. “ I don’t even know what I felt after reading those results, all this time Tony knew he was HIV positive and went on ahead to get me pregnant.” The pain of betrayal and the fact that she didn’t really ask to see Tony’s physical results took a toll on her emotions. Joan was so angry she had to enlist the help of some members of her support group to help her work through her anger.

Joan’s story emphasizes the fact that nowadays, sex simply isn’t a safe activity. Even when one believes they are in an honest monogamous relationship with their partners, it’s advised to do everything in your power to protect yourself and assume total responsibility for your own sexual health.
Fear of rejection by our partners, make us give in and agree to unprotected sex. Most HIV+ people find it hard to disclose their status to their partners because of the stigma associated with disclosure so often times we believe ‘just this once wont hurt’ oblivious of the risks and dangers we put ourselves and our partners into.

Aside from sex with monogamous partners, there is the sex that gets to happen sooner than it should; before we get to know our partners properly.

Christine met a man sometime last year when she and her friends went out clubbing. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink which I later offered to replace.” She narrates.
“We ended up talking the whole night and exchanged phone numbers. I was so smitten by him and looked forward to when he would call.” She says.

Peter did call and they met a couple of times before they became intimate. They never had any discussion on sexual health in the two months they were together.
“The issue just never came up.” She says. “One Friday evening Peter started a baseless argument that ended up in a fight.” Christine says.
She decided to take sometime to cool off and didn’t call or meet Peter in a week. Then she started having an itch in her vaginal area.
“I ignored it for a while but after a day or two I had fever and therefore went to see a doctor.” She explains.
Tests revealed that she had syphilis. “I nearly passed out.” She says. She later got treatment and hasn’t ever seen Peter again.

Starting a new sexual relationship is tricky most of the times, this often makes it difficult to know how or when to ask or reveal the crucial things that need to be established.
Young people are usually more sexually active and considered high risk group to HIV.

“What young people don’t realize is that it’s not just HIV you are in dander of contracting but that there are other STI’s potentially in your lover’s body just waiting to get to you.” Nancy Kaharu a counselor at Gold Star Network says.
Nancy says that many young women are taking foolish risks by having unprotected intercourse. She attributes this to emotional issues. “When one isn’t confident about who they are, are feeling depressed or have issues like body image then they are vulnerable to doing things just to please their partners.

The challenge is when to bring up discussions about sexual health in a relationship. When is it safe to discuss and disclose ones HIV+ status to a potential partner? Nancy suggests that Communication should be encouraged from the first day in the relationship. She knows that people are uncomfortable to disclose their HIV+ status to their partners for fear of rejection but she insists that disclosure shows responsibility and basic honesty. You and your partner owe each other the opportunity to make a choice about the risks you will be taking during sex. Knowing your condition before hand doesn’t mean that intercourse is impossible.
“If you aren’t ready to talk about your status to someone then don’t get intimate with them.” She says

Nancy advises that couples should have “the sexual etiquette talk.” During ‘non sexual moments and should have it early on in the relationship.
“At that point when you are talking about what you do and who your friends and family are, this is when you should be discussing sex.” She says.
She reckons that sex is a beautiful thing but if not done right can be very dangerous.
So how does one initiate the sex discussion?
Nancy advises “when talking about HIV testing and condom use couples should concentrate on the future and not on the past.” Partners should focus on past infidelities but should in turn dwell on whether the current relationship has a future. If the relationship is promising then start STI, HIV and condom use discussions earlier on in the relationship. Make it a routine to go for tests and insist on seeing each others results. Most medical institutions now have provision for couples testing and counseling.

She adds that there is need to balance the sex talk.
“Don’t dwell on the dangers, talk about what you like, what you would like and how you want to try out new things. Men love that.” She laughs.

The youth especially young women are advised to be assertive about their sexual safety; even if this means losing your partner because you told them you’re HIV+ status or asked them to put on a condom.
Nancy says it’s all about self respect; if you care about yourself then you will insist that things happen well and safely for you.

ODE TO CAROLINE; YOUR LIGHT WILL BURN BRIGHT IN OUR HEARTS.

Some one once said, “A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope”.

This is exactly how I knew Caroline Masawa. She and I were from extreme ends of life, we were brought together by what we have in common. Our living with HIV and the work we did.
She helped me in so many ways I wouldn’t even be able to list them all.

She and I met when I was recovering from a huge life storm. I had nothing to my name and I totally needed good and true friends. She was my friend, she rejoiced with me, cried with me and stood by me in my disappointments. Was I a friend enough for her? I wonder.

She was there when I made very big changes to my life, Every time I faltered because I was scared of the outcome, she would ask me one question
“Florence where is your faith”
She nudged and encouraged me to write; go ahead and make updates on my blog, see if it will reach out to people. People she knew I so much needed to meet so as to create the change I yearned to create.
She listened to me talk about my fears, she shared hers as well, and she taught me forgiveness, how not to be so angry at life, she taught me how to pray, prayed with me whenever I asked her too. She introduced me to Joel Osteen and I was hooked. She taught me to love God again.


Carol taught me the meaning of love and forgiveness, she loved a man so much she forgave him even after his actions nearly cost her life last year. The last conversation she and I had, she was thinking of moving in with him and adopting a child because her health wouldn’t allow her to have one of her own.

She loved her church, forgave them and went back even after some people shunned her when she needed them most. She had a big heart.

She loved her job no matter what, never complained, worked though whatever ailment she had that day. She was dedicated to her work. To doing things right. She made integrity come to life. Wouldn’t compromise on her values; especially when helping the less fortunate.
For this, many people didn’t like her. Often, people always want someone they can push around or manipulate. She couldn’t be manipulated.

Her love for her job exposed her to dust; lots of dust and that made her sick. The dust coupled with bad judgment call saw us lose Caroline last Wednesday.

Joel Osteen in one of his sermons said
“When we hear the word "invest", we often think of investing in the stock market, in real estate, or for retirement. While it's good to invest that way, the truth is, those investments will eventually fade away. The best inheritance we can leave our children and others around us is what we invested in them, not what we left for them.”

Carol invested a lot in me and I in turn have spread this goodness to lots of other people; that is how I know her light will continue burning bright in our hearts.

REST IN PEACE CAROL MASAWA!

WORLD AIDS DAY

“Started in 1988, World AIDS Day is not just about raising money, but also about increasing awareness, fighting prejudice and improving education. World AIDS Day is important in reminding people that HIV has not gone away, and that there are many things still to be done.” ~avert.org, 2006


Tomorrow is World AIDS day. It is again that time of the year when HIV&AIDS is the talk on everyone’s lips. A good thing if you ask me because the more people talk about 'something' the more they stop being afraid of it, the more they stop being afraid of it, the more knowledge they get about it and the more knowledge they have then the more powerful they are to deal with the ‘something’.

As the Government, Civil Society Organizations, stakeholders and everyone in the country and indeed the world prepares to mark this day, we shouldn’t forget the great strides that we have come in the response to HIV&AIDS pandemic.

We have so much to be grateful for; The country is tolerant to issues around HIV and AIDS and more are heeding to the call to test for HIV. There is an increase in Condom uptake showing people are protecting themselves, there is involvement from every sector; religious, workplace, schools and informal sectors to respond to HIV&AIDS issues. There is a marked reduction of stigma and discrimination of people living with HIV and above all, there is an information and health service available to improve and maintain ones quality of life.

I know most of us are wondering what they can do on this day, it’s a Tuesday and maybe we may be at work and wont be able to join in the activities that will take place around the country tomorrow. However, here are some of the things you could do tomorrow, this week or for the next couple of weeks.


• You can wear the Red Ribbon. The red ribbon is worn to show care and concern about HIV and to remind others of their need to support activities on HIV&AIDS.

• Read something about HIV&AIDS. Try to find out one thing that you didn’t know either online, or by asking your doctor or friend. There is a lot of peer education work going on in the country and most of us have knowledge about HIV&AIDS that would shock doctors. Seeking information just makes you learn one or two more things that could make you or your partner or friend live a better life.

• You can reach out in understanding to someone that you know is living with HIV and could use a friend. Talk to them, tell them that you care. This is a difficult week for most of us and we all could do with a pal who would just…well, listen.

• You and your friends can spend a day in one of the homes for orphans nearest to you. HIV&AIDS accounts for the highest number of orphans

• Go for a HIV test. This is the only sure way for one to know if they have HIV or not and to live a better and healthy life. This is also the only sure way of reducing new and secondary infections of HIV.

If you have sometime; please join in and participate in any activity nearer to you and learn.

What's 'ATT' got to do with it?

Your attitude is an expression of your values, beliefs and expectations.

Brian Tracy.

ATTITUDE- A complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways.

Today a couple of weeks ago, we buried Patricia.She would have turned 26 on Saturday. Her death was so sudden it left most of us confused and panicking. You know, living with this virus forever makes you on the lookout for things that will make you sick.
Some people become obsessed with their health so much just in the hope that if they do so, they will be able to go through the year with as little drama as possible.

I was just checking in at the airport when I got ‘the call’. At first because I was busy ensuring everything gets on board I didn’t think much about it. Reality sank in when we took off. I couldn’t understand why she died so fast. It wasn’t even about her, I guess I was scared at the fact that it is possible for someone to go down that fast.

About two weeks before her death, a friend told me she was sick and was hospitalized.
“I am scared Flo,” she said.
“Why? What’s wrong with her” I asked surprised.
“Her kidneys collapsed” Catherine said
“Everyone seems to be dying this year.” She explained. Catherine had been sick most of last year and has never fully recovered. She keeps being admitted in hospital for various complications and seeing people go to hospital and not come out alive wasn’t helping.
“You will be fine, Patricia will be fine” I insisted. “We can’t have anymore people dying this year; I don’t think I can take it.” I tried to reassure her.

I was so scared as much as I didn’t want Catherine to know. The following day and for a bout a week afterwards all I did was Google Kidney/renal failure in relation to HIV. I just realized there is a lot about this virus I don’t know about. I tried to ask her friends if they knew of anything that she may have done wrong but no one seems to know.

A number of us called each other and picked on a date to go see her at the hospital. I couldn’t get out of work at lunch time to go with them. So because i dread being in hospitals alone, I called a dear friend to take me.

We got to the Hospital at around 4.30pm and were led to the High dependency Unit wards. I kept telling myself “it can’t be that bad.”
Nothing prepared me for what I saw. Patricia looked different; no one would believe she is the girl I bumped into in town just a month before. She was swollen all over with tubes sticking in and out of her hands and mouth. She just managed to say a weak hallo before the nurses asked us to give them time to give her medicine.

I got back to the office and kept reading and prying before I found out that Patricia had refused to start her ARV’s despite various doctors advising her to do so since 2007. I couldn’t believe it. Something she said to me last year quickly came to mind. We were doing an interview for one of the local dailies and it was about the challenges of young people living with HIV. She was being featured as one of the people who have never disclosed their status to anyone, family or friends and I was the loud mouth as usual. When the reporter asked her why she found it hard to talk about her status which she knew about when she was in 1st year of college.
“HIV has always been a disease for immoral and poor people, I can’t bring myself to accept that I have it because I am not those things.” (Immoral or poor)She said.

I understood a lot of things about her that day. Like why she never came to our support group meetings, why she didn’t talk about her status even at work where the majority lived openly with the virus and why she was always keeping to herself.

What I didn’t realize though was how much her attitude affected her health. I was angry, I couldn’t believe it could go this far.
Patricia worked in an organization where HIV talk was normal, sat about 50metres from a clinic, could have gotten referrals to the best doctors if she needed it but what stood in her way was her attitude towards HIV.
There are people who would only dream of such privileges. There are people who still have no access to medication and they lose their lives for it. She had everything including a number of doctors pleading with her to start medication but for one reason or another she felt it wasn’t important.

I hear a lot of confessions from people who will not cut down on their smoking or binge drinking because they are scared of what their friends will say. Or people who won’t start their ARV’s because they don’t want to deal with its side effects. Or people who continue to put their lives and the lives of others at risk because they don’t want to ‘lose’ them and be alone when they disclose their status.

All these are attitudes. Things we can change. I am not for people raising banners and screaming ‘I HAVE HIV’, but it doesn’t mean that in your silence you can’t reach out for help that you need to enable you live a long, healthy and productive life.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “Your mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission.”