Beyond ‘the valley’

I am reading a book by a woman I have grown to admire so much; Iyanla Vanzant. The book "Value in the Valley” is interesting to read and very inspirational as well. Makes me take a deep look into my life each day.

Iyanla describes the valley as any dark moment in a black woman’s life when she feels like she has lost it all. The book has taught me that with a little faith, I could find a lesson and make the best(Value) out of any situation or 'dark valley' i am in.
As I go through the book I can't help looking into my life and picking out them ‘dark valleys’ and the possible lessons or positive notes.

This year started on a sad note for all Kenyans. Thank God my family survived the skirmishes. I may have not been directly affected but alot of our members who i have now become emotionally attached to were. I just never realised how much their plight affected me.

I have gone through the last three months listening to our members stories, some of them have been affected by these clashes in more ways than one. They have lost relatives, houses, all their belongings and their hope for life.

For some of us, the hope of living through another day with this virus is all that keeps us going. Being hit by life’s battles get us so down some of us getting so sick in those low moments we wish we had died in the first place.

“I was chased from my house with nothing; I have been wearing the same clothes for a whole week.” Doreen one of our youth members said to me.
“How about your children?” I ask concerned for I know the young one is less than six months old.
‘They are fine; we are camping at Ruaraka police station.” She replies, she hasn’t showered in days and is itching all over.

After my usual psychobabbles about taking my helping hand too far, I take her to my house for a bath and get her clean clothes.
Out store keeper gets some food, blankets and clothes for her and her babies from our office and I ask her to bring in the babies for medical checkup.


She leaves and I am left wishing I could do more. Maybe house her and her children if I could, maybe get them a house and pay the rent, maybe….
I can’t do much and feel so helpless.

So after a number of stories each more sad or worse than the last, I start hating my job. I lose psyche, I don’t talk much. What’s there to say, we have alot of our members out in the rain and mosquitoes.
As days go by I sink ever so slowly into the valley of defeat. I feel lost; I become dull and irritable and resign from work. My boss refuses to let me go. Giving me a long lecture of what potential she has seen in me bla bla bla.

Well Thank God for small favors, a week out of the office and hours and hours of soul searching plus ‘the book’ have brought my old self back. I even wrote my first post of the year! Yey!

I tested HIV positive about 4 years ago for a reason. I am in KENWA with all the resources at my disposal for a reason……a reason I know too well. I can’t afford to give up now.
I may not be able to help everyone or do everything, but I will do my best each day.