I am reading a book by a woman I have grown to admire so much; Iyanla Vanzant. The book "Value in the Valley” is interesting to read and very inspirational as well. Makes me take a deep look into my life each day.
Iyanla describes the valley as any dark moment in a black woman’s life when she feels like she has lost it all. The book has taught me that with a little faith, I could find a lesson and make the best(Value) out of any situation or 'dark valley' i am in.
As I go through the book I can't help looking into my life and picking out them ‘dark valleys’ and the possible lessons or positive notes.
This year started on a sad note for all Kenyans. Thank God my family survived the skirmishes. I may have not been directly affected but alot of our members who i have now become emotionally attached to were. I just never realised how much their plight affected me.
I have gone through the last three months listening to our members stories, some of them have been affected by these clashes in more ways than one. They have lost relatives, houses, all their belongings and their hope for life.
For some of us, the hope of living through another day with this virus is all that keeps us going. Being hit by life’s battles get us so down some of us getting so sick in those low moments we wish we had died in the first place.
“I was chased from my house with nothing; I have been wearing the same clothes for a whole week.” Doreen one of our youth members said to me.
“How about your children?” I ask concerned for I know the young one is less than six months old.
‘They are fine; we are camping at Ruaraka police station.” She replies, she hasn’t showered in days and is itching all over.
After my usual psychobabbles about taking my helping hand too far, I take her to my house for a bath and get her clean clothes.
Out store keeper gets some food, blankets and clothes for her and her babies from our office and I ask her to bring in the babies for medical checkup.
She leaves and I am left wishing I could do more. Maybe house her and her children if I could, maybe get them a house and pay the rent, maybe….
I can’t do much and feel so helpless.
So after a number of stories each more sad or worse than the last, I start hating my job. I lose psyche, I don’t talk much. What’s there to say, we have alot of our members out in the rain and mosquitoes.
As days go by I sink ever so slowly into the valley of defeat. I feel lost; I become dull and irritable and resign from work. My boss refuses to let me go. Giving me a long lecture of what potential she has seen in me bla bla bla.
Well Thank God for small favors, a week out of the office and hours and hours of soul searching plus ‘the book’ have brought my old self back. I even wrote my first post of the year! Yey!
I tested HIV positive about 4 years ago for a reason. I am in KENWA with all the resources at my disposal for a reason……a reason I know too well. I can’t afford to give up now.
I may not be able to help everyone or do everything, but I will do my best each day.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Sunday, November 25, 2007
TAKE THE LEAD......
World AIDS Day!
According to UNAIDS estimates, there are now 39.5 million people living with HIV, including 2.3 million children. During 2006 some 4.3 million people became newly infected with the virus. Around half of all people who become infected with HIV do so before they are 25 and are killed by AIDS before they are 35.
Around 95% of people with HIV/AIDS live in developing nations. But HIV today is a threat to men, women and children on all continents around the world.
Started on 1st December 1988, World AIDS Day is not just about raising money, but also about increasing awareness, fighting prejudice and improving education. World AIDS Day is important in reminding people that HIV has not gone away, and that there are many things still to be done.
The theme for World AIDS Day 2007
World AIDS Day was originally organised by UNAIDS, who chose the theme after consultation with other organisations. In 2005 UNAIDS handed over responsibility for World AIDS Day to an independent organisation known as The World AIDS Campaign (WAC).
The WAC’s slogan for their work is "Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise". This is an appeal to governments, policy makers and regional health authorities to ensure that they meet the many targets that have been set in the fight against HIV and AIDS, and especially the promise of universal access to HIV treatment, care, support and prevention services by 2010.
This campaign will run until 2010, with a related theme chosen for World AIDS Day each year.
The 2007 theme, “leadership”, highlights the need for innovation, vision and perseverance in the face of the AIDS challenge. The campaign calls on all sectors of society such as families, communities and civil society organisations - rather than just governments - to take the initiative and provide leadership on AIDS.
Wherever we are, we can ‘take the lead’ and do our part in the fight against HIV/AIDS
According to UNAIDS estimates, there are now 39.5 million people living with HIV, including 2.3 million children. During 2006 some 4.3 million people became newly infected with the virus. Around half of all people who become infected with HIV do so before they are 25 and are killed by AIDS before they are 35.
Around 95% of people with HIV/AIDS live in developing nations. But HIV today is a threat to men, women and children on all continents around the world.
Started on 1st December 1988, World AIDS Day is not just about raising money, but also about increasing awareness, fighting prejudice and improving education. World AIDS Day is important in reminding people that HIV has not gone away, and that there are many things still to be done.
The theme for World AIDS Day 2007
World AIDS Day was originally organised by UNAIDS, who chose the theme after consultation with other organisations. In 2005 UNAIDS handed over responsibility for World AIDS Day to an independent organisation known as The World AIDS Campaign (WAC).
The WAC’s slogan for their work is "Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise". This is an appeal to governments, policy makers and regional health authorities to ensure that they meet the many targets that have been set in the fight against HIV and AIDS, and especially the promise of universal access to HIV treatment, care, support and prevention services by 2010.
This campaign will run until 2010, with a related theme chosen for World AIDS Day each year.
The 2007 theme, “leadership”, highlights the need for innovation, vision and perseverance in the face of the AIDS challenge. The campaign calls on all sectors of society such as families, communities and civil society organisations - rather than just governments - to take the initiative and provide leadership on AIDS.
Wherever we are, we can ‘take the lead’ and do our part in the fight against HIV/AIDS
Monday, November 12, 2007
REAPING FROM GOOD..............
Most times we often wonder why we should be good to people. I know because i get lectures about what a fool i am whenever i try to help and i end up being played- happens most of the time.
My friend Doris once told me i don't know how to look for the bad in people. Maybe she was right. Well situations make us change though.
So a few years later and living with this virus has made me a little weary of people and what they can do. Still old habits die hard. I am still easily reduced to tears at sad stories i hear from the women we serve. I feel so bad whenever i can't be able to help.
Mondays are my days in the office, i get to meet all the women in need of seed money as capital for business. I have to listen to their stories and decide which cases are needy. At the end of the day; whatever issue i have looks 'small'. -this should explain why i love my Monday drinks.
I have always been the 'mother Teresa' of the crowd. I still I'm to some extent only this time non of the people around me; friends and family will let me overindulge in the virtue/vice. You see most of the time when you give yourself to something or someone without question,you end up hurt.
A bout a year after my HIV positive verdict i took on the role of ' Aunt Tabby.' Everyone comes to me with all these problems they cant tell anyone. 'My boyfriend is cheating on me, what do i do?" or ' i have this condition is it normal?' or ' i want to go for a VCT test please take me.' I try to be there. Most of the time i give my all. My friends- the true ones have been with me through 'lots of stuff'.
I learnt something last week. That doing good isn't always in Vain. There will always be those bad cases but the good ones bring so much joy.
Last week, i was stressed because of something and i just couldn't be able to make a decision about what to do. I confided in one of my friends and afterwards i knew what i had to do. You see all she did was remind me something i said to her once. " People treat you the way you let them." I say this to my friends all the time. I also tell them to give their best to people so they can demand the best from them.
I never knew all this would rub off on me someday. Well whatever you do, it doesn't hurt to be Kidogo kind to someone, you just might never know what you reap from it.
My friend Doris once told me i don't know how to look for the bad in people. Maybe she was right. Well situations make us change though.
So a few years later and living with this virus has made me a little weary of people and what they can do. Still old habits die hard. I am still easily reduced to tears at sad stories i hear from the women we serve. I feel so bad whenever i can't be able to help.
Mondays are my days in the office, i get to meet all the women in need of seed money as capital for business. I have to listen to their stories and decide which cases are needy. At the end of the day; whatever issue i have looks 'small'. -this should explain why i love my Monday drinks.
I have always been the 'mother Teresa' of the crowd. I still I'm to some extent only this time non of the people around me; friends and family will let me overindulge in the virtue/vice. You see most of the time when you give yourself to something or someone without question,you end up hurt.
A bout a year after my HIV positive verdict i took on the role of ' Aunt Tabby.' Everyone comes to me with all these problems they cant tell anyone. 'My boyfriend is cheating on me, what do i do?" or ' i have this condition is it normal?' or ' i want to go for a VCT test please take me.' I try to be there. Most of the time i give my all. My friends- the true ones have been with me through 'lots of stuff'.
I learnt something last week. That doing good isn't always in Vain. There will always be those bad cases but the good ones bring so much joy.
Last week, i was stressed because of something and i just couldn't be able to make a decision about what to do. I confided in one of my friends and afterwards i knew what i had to do. You see all she did was remind me something i said to her once. " People treat you the way you let them." I say this to my friends all the time. I also tell them to give their best to people so they can demand the best from them.
I never knew all this would rub off on me someday. Well whatever you do, it doesn't hurt to be Kidogo kind to someone, you just might never know what you reap from it.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
JUST ASKING........
This past week has been full of fun. I had friends I haven’t seen in years visiting. It was like being in Coast (where I grew up) and Kisumu (where my family is at the moment) again; the catching up and the gossip...... refreshing.
My mum was around for a whole week; I spent everyday after work taking her round and going shopping. I haven’t ever gone shopping with my mum, the few times she took my sister and I to a shop to buy dresses when we were young, were always disastrous.
My friend Diana from Kisumu was here to meet an Internet ‘hook up’ but thought it wise to say hie before she goes for her ‘romp in the sack'.
My friend Kombo from Voi who I haven’t seen in almost two years was here to do his political stuff and passed by for a half an hour.
Then my cousin came to stay over for three days. She was here for an interview. I haven’t seen her since graduation; she decided to get married at our 4th year of cole'.
She chose the ‘bad boy of our class to get married to. Everyone was shocked. Every man who was pursuing her (she was the perfect pretty and soft woman.) either cried or got absolutely drunk once the news was out.
I had to tell her about my being HIV positive and she opened up a lot about her marriage and her fears. She hasn't gone for the test and is so scared. I added two and two when she confessed she told the interview panel she would love to work anywhere KCB posts her. I saw her off on Saturday night and promised to keep in touch.
She gets home on Sunday morning to a rude shock. her husband isn’t in the house at seven in the morning and on top of their rumpled bed is a condom. Yes a condom. The best excuse her husband has when he walks in after 20 minutes is he took the condoms from the office. I spend 30 minutes listening to her and trying to say the right words to sort of ease the pain. Pain I know she will carry with her most of today.
At the end of that call i had this feeling...like my past was catching up with me, de' javu.
Can somebody tell me what drives a man to bring another woman other than his wife to his marital bed? Why does a man cheat on his girlfriend or wife or whatever?
I mean what makes a man who knows his wife is in a night bus get a woman to their house, their bed (this is disgusting) and fuck her? Okay, thank God he used a rubber. Honestly at least he has some sense.
What makes a man leave his office, go back to his house when his wife is at work, to do his house help?
What makes a man who proclaims he loves a woman to pieces and has a baby with her cheat?This guy cant even afford to pay for the baby's upkeep and the woman has to deal with this.She after some thought decides to take his sorry broke ass back just for the sake of the baby or whatever. What makes such a guy cheat on a woman? i am already raising our child without your help and fucking you because you begged me to.
What makes a man look at a woman across the room in a pub, lie to his girlfriend that he is going to the gents only to go screw her at the parking lot in his car or on the bonnet of someones car? (That was my boyfriend.)
What makes a guy screw a hooker when his girlfriend is just three meters away stupidly in love and waiting for him to come back from wherever he excused himself to go to? (My boyfriend again) I wonder do they use a condom all of these times they cheat?
I mean I don’t want to believe this but lets just say that hypothetically I may be the most boring woman you ever took to bed, sessions with me could be so boring you cry when you ejaculate but why not just dump me? Why not save me the torture of seeing you treating me like trash?
Why? At these moments do you suffer selective amnesia? Like, do you forget you have a wife or girlfriend? Or what happens? I’d love to know.
When you are done and come back to me in the pub, sit down and go on drinking don’t you feel a tad guilty? Well don’t you? What do you tell yourself at these moments? do you tell yourself you're ‘the man?’ are you proud? do you feel strong or do you feel powerful or what? Seriously do you tell yourself that you had a right? Because I am a boring woman in bed? Or what do you tell yourself?
Why embarrass me this much? Bringing a woman to my marital bed? That’s low.
Fucking my girlfriends for the thrill of it, that’s low too. Fucking a hooker when in the parking lot of some pub is lame. For whatever reasons. Why did you bring me to the place with you anyway?
I understand that men a hunters by nature. Believe me i understand. i know that once in a while they need the thrill of hunting for fresh prey but honestly can't you hunt somewhere far from me? why don't you go to the next country and find yourself a woman there.Why my neighbour or friend or house help or cousin why?
Seriously are relationships worth having? Is marriage a dangerous place to be in? I went out with a guy for only six months, six and I had the ‘grand heartbreak’ and HIV. Six months of pain and tears and embarrassments I don’t want to mention. Now I have to deal with having HIV for the rest of my life. Does he ever think of this when he is sticking it up all the random women in the darkness of parking lots?
I can’t believe i am crying as I write this. Do you know what happens when you are in such relationships? You beg for him to change, and cry like crazy just so he feels you. Then you do stupid stuff to try and make him change. You do the lowest stuff like call the women on his phone and yell at those you suspect could be the one s he is sleeping with. Then you yell at him because you don’t seem to be getting anywhere. You get embarrassed when your friends ask you what’s going on. Because they saw him with another woman at a function you and him were invited to. Then slowly you get indifferent. You just don’t care anymore, or so you think. And this thing eats up your heart and your feelings and by the time you decide to leave you are so dead inside you don’t even cry.Because you feel nothing but empty.
That was me end of 2003. This is my cousin today. And hearing her voice on the phone 20 minutes ago, I couldn't help wondering why I let someone hurt me this bad.
Everything happens for a reason i guess for i know better now.
My mum was around for a whole week; I spent everyday after work taking her round and going shopping. I haven’t ever gone shopping with my mum, the few times she took my sister and I to a shop to buy dresses when we were young, were always disastrous.
My friend Diana from Kisumu was here to meet an Internet ‘hook up’ but thought it wise to say hie before she goes for her ‘romp in the sack'.
My friend Kombo from Voi who I haven’t seen in almost two years was here to do his political stuff and passed by for a half an hour.
Then my cousin came to stay over for three days. She was here for an interview. I haven’t seen her since graduation; she decided to get married at our 4th year of cole'.
She chose the ‘bad boy of our class to get married to. Everyone was shocked. Every man who was pursuing her (she was the perfect pretty and soft woman.) either cried or got absolutely drunk once the news was out.
I had to tell her about my being HIV positive and she opened up a lot about her marriage and her fears. She hasn't gone for the test and is so scared. I added two and two when she confessed she told the interview panel she would love to work anywhere KCB posts her. I saw her off on Saturday night and promised to keep in touch.
She gets home on Sunday morning to a rude shock. her husband isn’t in the house at seven in the morning and on top of their rumpled bed is a condom. Yes a condom. The best excuse her husband has when he walks in after 20 minutes is he took the condoms from the office. I spend 30 minutes listening to her and trying to say the right words to sort of ease the pain. Pain I know she will carry with her most of today.
At the end of that call i had this feeling...like my past was catching up with me, de' javu.
Can somebody tell me what drives a man to bring another woman other than his wife to his marital bed? Why does a man cheat on his girlfriend or wife or whatever?
I mean what makes a man who knows his wife is in a night bus get a woman to their house, their bed (this is disgusting) and fuck her? Okay, thank God he used a rubber. Honestly at least he has some sense.
What makes a man leave his office, go back to his house when his wife is at work, to do his house help?
What makes a man who proclaims he loves a woman to pieces and has a baby with her cheat?This guy cant even afford to pay for the baby's upkeep and the woman has to deal with this.She after some thought decides to take his sorry broke ass back just for the sake of the baby or whatever. What makes such a guy cheat on a woman? i am already raising our child without your help and fucking you because you begged me to.
What makes a man look at a woman across the room in a pub, lie to his girlfriend that he is going to the gents only to go screw her at the parking lot in his car or on the bonnet of someones car? (That was my boyfriend.)
What makes a guy screw a hooker when his girlfriend is just three meters away stupidly in love and waiting for him to come back from wherever he excused himself to go to? (My boyfriend again) I wonder do they use a condom all of these times they cheat?
I mean I don’t want to believe this but lets just say that hypothetically I may be the most boring woman you ever took to bed, sessions with me could be so boring you cry when you ejaculate but why not just dump me? Why not save me the torture of seeing you treating me like trash?
Why? At these moments do you suffer selective amnesia? Like, do you forget you have a wife or girlfriend? Or what happens? I’d love to know.
When you are done and come back to me in the pub, sit down and go on drinking don’t you feel a tad guilty? Well don’t you? What do you tell yourself at these moments? do you tell yourself you're ‘the man?’ are you proud? do you feel strong or do you feel powerful or what? Seriously do you tell yourself that you had a right? Because I am a boring woman in bed? Or what do you tell yourself?
Why embarrass me this much? Bringing a woman to my marital bed? That’s low.
Fucking my girlfriends for the thrill of it, that’s low too. Fucking a hooker when in the parking lot of some pub is lame. For whatever reasons. Why did you bring me to the place with you anyway?
I understand that men a hunters by nature. Believe me i understand. i know that once in a while they need the thrill of hunting for fresh prey but honestly can't you hunt somewhere far from me? why don't you go to the next country and find yourself a woman there.Why my neighbour or friend or house help or cousin why?
Seriously are relationships worth having? Is marriage a dangerous place to be in? I went out with a guy for only six months, six and I had the ‘grand heartbreak’ and HIV. Six months of pain and tears and embarrassments I don’t want to mention. Now I have to deal with having HIV for the rest of my life. Does he ever think of this when he is sticking it up all the random women in the darkness of parking lots?
I can’t believe i am crying as I write this. Do you know what happens when you are in such relationships? You beg for him to change, and cry like crazy just so he feels you. Then you do stupid stuff to try and make him change. You do the lowest stuff like call the women on his phone and yell at those you suspect could be the one s he is sleeping with. Then you yell at him because you don’t seem to be getting anywhere. You get embarrassed when your friends ask you what’s going on. Because they saw him with another woman at a function you and him were invited to. Then slowly you get indifferent. You just don’t care anymore, or so you think. And this thing eats up your heart and your feelings and by the time you decide to leave you are so dead inside you don’t even cry.Because you feel nothing but empty.
That was me end of 2003. This is my cousin today. And hearing her voice on the phone 20 minutes ago, I couldn't help wondering why I let someone hurt me this bad.
Everything happens for a reason i guess for i know better now.
Monday, October 22, 2007
MY EX, The gossip
I have just gone through todays paper.
Today however, iam not jazzed by my column. On page 12-the daily gossip- is a story about Toxic and her lost love.
Normally, the first thing i do is turn to page 14, i cant wait to read my story. Something caught my attention in the 'daily gossip'. the story about 'Toxic and her lost love.' You can imagine my shock at realising the guy being talked about is my EX!
Apparently he has been dating Toxic for 5 months and has been pleading with the girl to declare their love to the world. She chooses Nairobi star to say it and when the reporters call the guy to find if its true, he denies going out with her. Reason? he is actually living with some chick with whom they have a baby.
The juicy part; he is an aspiring ODM member of parliament. The shock wore off to be replaced my bouts of laughter and gigles.
People go through breakups, but there is always that one break up that changes you completely. I havent dated eversince i broke up with this guy in 2003. I discovered the safety of casual sex and learnt how to detach myself from people and from mushy and touchy situations. I came up with my countless list of 'things not to do with/for men.'
Don't blame me but this guy hurt me so bad i had on record a weight of 30kgs! Considering a year later i had HIV issues to deal with, i sort of forgot he existed.
Every woman will also confess to you that we get alot of satisfaction in finding out our ex's aren't having a good day.
To wake up today and read this makes my day. seriously it does.
Pray the guy doesnt get to page 14. thats where my column is. I'd give up alcohol for a month to see his face!
Today however, iam not jazzed by my column. On page 12-the daily gossip- is a story about Toxic and her lost love.
Normally, the first thing i do is turn to page 14, i cant wait to read my story. Something caught my attention in the 'daily gossip'. the story about 'Toxic and her lost love.' You can imagine my shock at realising the guy being talked about is my EX!
Apparently he has been dating Toxic for 5 months and has been pleading with the girl to declare their love to the world. She chooses Nairobi star to say it and when the reporters call the guy to find if its true, he denies going out with her. Reason? he is actually living with some chick with whom they have a baby.
The juicy part; he is an aspiring ODM member of parliament. The shock wore off to be replaced my bouts of laughter and gigles.
People go through breakups, but there is always that one break up that changes you completely. I havent dated eversince i broke up with this guy in 2003. I discovered the safety of casual sex and learnt how to detach myself from people and from mushy and touchy situations. I came up with my countless list of 'things not to do with/for men.'
Don't blame me but this guy hurt me so bad i had on record a weight of 30kgs! Considering a year later i had HIV issues to deal with, i sort of forgot he existed.
Every woman will also confess to you that we get alot of satisfaction in finding out our ex's aren't having a good day.
To wake up today and read this makes my day. seriously it does.
Pray the guy doesnt get to page 14. thats where my column is. I'd give up alcohol for a month to see his face!
Monday, October 15, 2007
CONFESSION.
I have just read my story on today's(Tuesday) Nairobi star and as usual iam teary. Okay i know this sounds weird. i write the stories, but when i read the paper, its like someone else wrote this and iam reading it just like you.
Yesterday i walked into an office full of women exchanging- wait for this- "how i lost my virginity stories". Interesting believe me. Iam talking women in the age of 35 onwards. I was so interested one because some of them are my bosses, and because sex is my favourite topic of discussion...-iam Luo;enuf said.
I wont even repeat these stories in detail; but the killer one was for this mama who had it for the first time at age 10 behind their hao with the shamba boy. She says she enjoyed it; Oh and so as not to get pregnant, they would wash their 'you know what' with salt and lemon.i dont know how much of that is really true.
This i want to try; i havent been to a cofffe plantation; iam told there are terraces of coffee and sex on them is heaven. So i will find me a man and go for an expedition in Muranga! ha.
See the thing about women is we can fit in any age group and still find the same topic okay to talk about. And to think these people talk 'Watoto wa sikuhizi...' lines. crazy.
I didnt make give my story though. I wouldnt match these people even if i tried. So Y'all get to hear my 'How i lost my virginity.' confession. I must warn you though, my own mum didnt believe this.
Okay i was 18 and verrrrrrrrrrrrry naive. I was fat and cut my hair short. My sister(she is a year younger)was the primadonna. Pretty and a favourite with the boys. No guy even saw my existance. so i would sit in my room, read romance novels and fantasize. Then Romeo comes along and picks me over my sister.She was so mad she didnt talk to me for months! Suddenly i want to look okay for Romeo.Okay isnt even the word, I want to look hot. Which i did in a couple of months.My mum couldn't believe how fast i lost weight.
Romeo& i go out for about a year but i see him in between school holidays. if i manage to sneak out of home. (i was in boarding school)
Then i maliza my form4 i have mioto's.The last day of school, I make a detour to my handsome romeo's home. My parents won't even notice if i get home a few minutes late. Its my sister they are worried about.
Romeo is excited to see me. We missed each other. I on the other hand want my fantasies comming true. We head straight for his room to make out. So we kiss and do stuff and before i know it my pants are off. Si i start the 'no to mean yes' moan. Here's the killer guys- before i could say 'take me,' Romeo was done! I mean the guy didnt even go in! I remember lying there and wondering "thats not what the books say its supposed to feel." I was 'in love'! how can it not feel right?
Then Romeo is up telling me that he is sorry, and that this only happened because iam too preety and sweet-it worked then- But now, Please! I had to run home because it was getting late and i didnt want my parents asking where i had gone to. He promises me it will be heaven next time.
There was no next time. I was pregnant and dumped by week 2!
So whats yo' story?
Yesterday i walked into an office full of women exchanging- wait for this- "how i lost my virginity stories". Interesting believe me. Iam talking women in the age of 35 onwards. I was so interested one because some of them are my bosses, and because sex is my favourite topic of discussion...-iam Luo;enuf said.
I wont even repeat these stories in detail; but the killer one was for this mama who had it for the first time at age 10 behind their hao with the shamba boy. She says she enjoyed it; Oh and so as not to get pregnant, they would wash their 'you know what' with salt and lemon.i dont know how much of that is really true.
This i want to try; i havent been to a cofffe plantation; iam told there are terraces of coffee and sex on them is heaven. So i will find me a man and go for an expedition in Muranga! ha.
See the thing about women is we can fit in any age group and still find the same topic okay to talk about. And to think these people talk 'Watoto wa sikuhizi...' lines. crazy.
I didnt make give my story though. I wouldnt match these people even if i tried. So Y'all get to hear my 'How i lost my virginity.' confession. I must warn you though, my own mum didnt believe this.
Okay i was 18 and verrrrrrrrrrrrry naive. I was fat and cut my hair short. My sister(she is a year younger)was the primadonna. Pretty and a favourite with the boys. No guy even saw my existance. so i would sit in my room, read romance novels and fantasize. Then Romeo comes along and picks me over my sister.She was so mad she didnt talk to me for months! Suddenly i want to look okay for Romeo.Okay isnt even the word, I want to look hot. Which i did in a couple of months.My mum couldn't believe how fast i lost weight.
Romeo& i go out for about a year but i see him in between school holidays. if i manage to sneak out of home. (i was in boarding school)
Then i maliza my form4 i have mioto's.The last day of school, I make a detour to my handsome romeo's home. My parents won't even notice if i get home a few minutes late. Its my sister they are worried about.
Romeo is excited to see me. We missed each other. I on the other hand want my fantasies comming true. We head straight for his room to make out. So we kiss and do stuff and before i know it my pants are off. Si i start the 'no to mean yes' moan. Here's the killer guys- before i could say 'take me,' Romeo was done! I mean the guy didnt even go in! I remember lying there and wondering "thats not what the books say its supposed to feel." I was 'in love'! how can it not feel right?
Then Romeo is up telling me that he is sorry, and that this only happened because iam too preety and sweet-it worked then- But now, Please! I had to run home because it was getting late and i didnt want my parents asking where i had gone to. He promises me it will be heaven next time.
There was no next time. I was pregnant and dumped by week 2!
So whats yo' story?
Sunday, October 7, 2007
OCTOBER 2ND
This is one day i dont really want to forget ever. Alot happened on this day. Most of it positive.
I had just come back from TZ to find a very big pile of work on my desk on Monday Morning. Iam way past the deadline on alot of stuff so i plan to have a busy day;or week.
I check my mail and... i have mail from 'Alehandro' look alike and from 'Mr. romantic german.'
The German as expected wrote a long mail pouring out his heart and feelings. Boring. Honestly i hate it when i can be able to figure out a guy in about 5min. (Barney's lemon law) Most of the time iam always right.
Alehandro sent me a very short message but it got me smiling;and cursing at my periods the whole day. You see if i didnt have them, then me and this guy would have done more than high school makeouts.
Fast forward to Tuesday 2nd. I get to work, i plan to finish my stories for our office newsletter. I get a promotion and pay rise. Awesome. i dont even get time to be happy, there is so much to do.
By evening iam tired. As we leave the office, iam faced with the hostility that comes with rising up the ladder too fast. most of the guys here arent happy with me and cant even hide it. For a moment i feel so alone.
I really cant understand why they arent happy for me. They know where i came from,they have seen me work so hard to get to where iam right now. iam almost teary.
I call fai and ask her to come over for "The Monday drink." I honestly could do with a drink but i cant take any alcohol because i have my clinic visit on Wednesday.
I get home, hakuna stima,so i go to this swahili shop to eat bajias; and wait for fai
Fai gets here and i dont even say hie, i start crying; in the middle of the road. She is shocked. I dont cry much. not these days. We go to our joint and have this very short talk about it.
Five minutes later iam as good as new. Filling her in on my Tanzanian men and all. She decides to stay over and we choma nyama for supper. I call my sis and ask her to join us there after work.
9 p.m I get a call from my friend in Kisumu. He sounds excited. He is reading my story. "What story ?" i ask surprised.
You should have heard me scream at the end of that call.
Nairobi star finally published the first page of my diary. I was so happy i couldnt eat. Honestly i didnt even sleep well.
On this day i got two things i had been slaving for patiently for five months. Its like finally seeing the light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Exciting!
So y'all reading this in Kenya, please buy tomorrows Nairobi star. If you are able to, email your comment or call them(Nairobi star). Its good for my rating.
I had just come back from TZ to find a very big pile of work on my desk on Monday Morning. Iam way past the deadline on alot of stuff so i plan to have a busy day;or week.
I check my mail and... i have mail from 'Alehandro' look alike and from 'Mr. romantic german.'
The German as expected wrote a long mail pouring out his heart and feelings. Boring. Honestly i hate it when i can be able to figure out a guy in about 5min. (Barney's lemon law) Most of the time iam always right.
Alehandro sent me a very short message but it got me smiling;and cursing at my periods the whole day. You see if i didnt have them, then me and this guy would have done more than high school makeouts.
Fast forward to Tuesday 2nd. I get to work, i plan to finish my stories for our office newsletter. I get a promotion and pay rise. Awesome. i dont even get time to be happy, there is so much to do.
By evening iam tired. As we leave the office, iam faced with the hostility that comes with rising up the ladder too fast. most of the guys here arent happy with me and cant even hide it. For a moment i feel so alone.
I really cant understand why they arent happy for me. They know where i came from,they have seen me work so hard to get to where iam right now. iam almost teary.
I call fai and ask her to come over for "The Monday drink." I honestly could do with a drink but i cant take any alcohol because i have my clinic visit on Wednesday.
I get home, hakuna stima,so i go to this swahili shop to eat bajias; and wait for fai
Fai gets here and i dont even say hie, i start crying; in the middle of the road. She is shocked. I dont cry much. not these days. We go to our joint and have this very short talk about it.
Five minutes later iam as good as new. Filling her in on my Tanzanian men and all. She decides to stay over and we choma nyama for supper. I call my sis and ask her to join us there after work.
9 p.m I get a call from my friend in Kisumu. He sounds excited. He is reading my story. "What story ?" i ask surprised.
You should have heard me scream at the end of that call.
Nairobi star finally published the first page of my diary. I was so happy i couldnt eat. Honestly i didnt even sleep well.
On this day i got two things i had been slaving for patiently for five months. Its like finally seeing the light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Exciting!
So y'all reading this in Kenya, please buy tomorrows Nairobi star. If you are able to, email your comment or call them(Nairobi star). Its good for my rating.
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